Comment of the Week
-
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Comment of the Week: Katie
Angry hott Katie defends a douchebag in the White Party Frank Gehry Love Boat and, for the genius of misspelling “chick”, wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
——————
Actually the one in the sunglasses is a good friend of mine and is in fact not a duchebag. They were at a Visalus event which that “hot chic” participates in as well and I’m sure they are all doing way better things w their lives than anyone of you real douchebags that commented on this photo! Nice try tho!
———
Saturday, July 28, 2012Comment of the Week: ehcuodouche
Longtime reader, occasional poster, ehcuodouche, comes through with this important factoid and wins the coveted Comment of the Week:
———–
Incidentally, the Chinese character is the radical for woman underneath the radical for house. The implication being that having a woman in your house leads to peace. The further implication being that she has the most ironic tattoo ever, because if she was ever under my roof for any other reason than breaking and entering I’d throw her headfirst out the back door.
—————–
Sunday, July 22, 2012Spikey and the Bath Salt Shaker Commend the Reader Comment o' the week
Spikey pauses from playing his Strumpet in the club only long enough to say “Yo, nice work, Bag Hunters…it’s a 3-way!”. Then back to publicly grinding the societal loss into our collective souls.
First up: Hermit, surveying the raft of 1%-er douchocity evinced in Wednesday’s “Yo, It’s Hard Up In These Hamptons”, opines:
“If one looks beyond the trappings of materialism, the designer sunglasses and fashionable clothes, he can read in the faces of these youngsters the pain lost love and broken homes. And, if he looks further, a set of low-slung milk jugs suspended by a pair of leopard skin tit hammocks.”
Then we have rat packer DoucheyWallnuts, regarding “John Largeman Jr’s Poor Life Choices”; D.W. says:
“I beg to differ. Given Largeman’s ample deficits, I think in this case he’s chosen wisely. These three would be beyond his pay grade to masterbate to, so to actually be in contact with them is on a par with the Ethiopians getting to Mars before we do.”
Mars, he says.
Finally there is Vin Douchal, riffing on “Kid n’ Poo”. V.D. simply utters “LL Stool J”…
It is this generation’s “Rosebud”.
That’s a wrap on another week of the collective mock…we’ll close out with a rare visit from Hall of Pear Queen Supreme AssPear LaPlante...Book ’em, Dano.
Saturday, July 14, 2012Comment of the Week: DoucheyWallnuts
Because sometimes ya just gotta reminisce, kid:
——————
So I decided to lay a little low this week with the Ike, JFK, mob thing. The other day Mrs Wallnuts got a package containing a cow’s tongue with a spike through it. She thought it was a box of Sfogliatelle (pronounced, “sfee-a-dell,” I says.) from Natale’s Bakery. It was a hell of a thing. It might be Big Angie Testaforte or Sonny “Coca-Cola” Villani playing a practical joke on me, but better safe than sorry. Na mean?
It reminds me of the time me, Sinatra and Petey Lawford lit a bag of dog crap on the stoop at Lew Wasserman’s mansion, rang the doorbell and ran. Wasserman was an ugly, humorless prick with a little schmeckle and Sinatra hated him. But he weilded a lot of power. Frank f@#ked Wasserman’s wife Edie in the entry foyer of their mansion during a big party one night, in front of everyone. Wasserman threatened to ruin Frank’s career, but couldn’t. Frank banged Edie again, for good measure, and wiped his schwantz on the drapes in their bedroom when he was done with her. I f@#ked her too. What the hell, I wasn’t in pictures so he couldn’t do nothin’ to me.
Anyways, Frank told Lew Petey did the lit dog crap gig. Wasserman ruined Lawford’s career and saw to it that he never did anything better than sit-coms and the f@#kin’ “Love Boat.” Madon, a real sin.
—————–
Saturday, July 7, 2012Comment of the Week: Captain James T. Douche
Capt. J.T.D. sums up the crisis of the ‘bagling in the Melvin Finkelstein thread and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
———–
With the promise of hooking them up with some complimentary bottle service and the teeniest sliver of hope of a handjob, Melvin scrounged up some wounded soldiers from the other VIP areas and watered down the leftover booze with pool water and cleaning chemicals as well as grabbed a few carafes of whatever was laying around at the bar fermenting in the sun. Some improvised peacocking and seduction tips his pal Moishe had given him along with a few quick one liners and the snap of a camera phone later and he’s back to skimming the jizz out of the jacuzi before the big cheese gets wind of it all. That pic will earn him serious respect and street cred at Hebrew school this week as well as he’ll be dotting the eye on daquigans mons ink in his dreams for a good month when he tosses a load into a sweat sock.
————
Quality mock. Moishe does have the best seduction tips.
Saturday, June 30, 2012Comment of the Week: I Kill
I Kill unleashes a stream of gibberish in the Bath Salts Hugh Jackman Says… thread that is either insulting HCwDB, or is a clever postmodern critique of a comment insulting HCwDB.
Either way, ’tis our winner:
————-
Is this the losers corner? Pathetic and hilarious at the same time see how some men react in front of another man much more attractive, talented, smart, rich and lucky than them. The same hysterical, uncontrollable reaction of a single woman fatty and ugly looking at Angelina Jolie. Anthropologically interesting… Ok, try to eat a whole box of ice cream with two or three tubes of Pringles, instead of seeing gays where there are none. With sour spinsters it works pretty well
————
Saturday, June 23, 2012Comment of the Week: Young Alec Baldwin
There are performances. And there are performances. And then there is this.
So you’ll indulge me if I deviate from the usual weekly award to give Mr. Baldwin the coveted Comment of the Week. For he is God.
Saturday, June 16, 2012Comment of the Week: Jacques Doucheteau
Like a modern day Jefferson, Hamilton, and Spicolli, Jacques Doucheteau pens the “Declaration of Douchiness” in the Dieselcrotch thread, and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
——————–
I think it’s actually the Declaration of Douchiness.
When in the Course of electronic music festivals, it becomes necessary for one ass-hat to dissolve the tribal tatt arm bands which have connected them with another, and to consume among the alcohol of the cheapest, the separate and unequal station to which the Laws of Douche and of Douche’s feeling of entitlement, a void of respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the hotties which impel them to copulation.
We hold these boobies to self-levitate, that not all men are created equal, that they are well endowed by their Personal Trainer with certain Anabolic Steroids, that among these are Clenbuterol, Methyltestosterone and the pursuit of Swoleness. — That to secure these bitches, Night Clubs are instituted among Men, deriving their just wattage from the playlist of the iPod, — That whenever any Form of Fist pumping becomes destructive of these beats, it is the Right of the Bouncer to yell at or to abolish it, and to institute new Fist Pumping, laying its foundation on such rhythms and organizing its beats in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their House and Dubstep. Narcissism, indeed, will dictate that Parties long established should not be changed for lame and transient city ordinances; and accordingly all rumors hath shewn, that Douchebags are more disposed to suffer, while fags in their mom’s basement are sufferable, than to fight each other by abolishing the hotties to which they are accustomed. But when a long weekend of bodily abuses and libations, pursuing invariably the same taut Hottie, evinces a design to frustrate them under absolute Rejection, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Lesbo Bitch Whores, and to provide new Guidettes for their future Cream Pie-ing.
———————–
Saturday, June 9, 2012Comment of the Week: Magnum Douche P.I.
MDPI sums up Goose Running and wins the coveted HCwDB of the Week:
———-
Bro in pic looks like he’s at his mother’s funeral. Cheer up buddy. You just paid $500 for bottle service at The Pink Pony and now get the company of Mercedees (note the unique way she spells it) for the next hour. She’ll enlighten you with her stories of how she would have gone to Cosmotology School if she hadn’t gotten knocked up by that no good unemployed loser Vinnie when she was 16, and again when she was 18, and again when she was 20.
———–
Saturday, June 2, 2012Comment of the Week: Mr. Scrotato Head
Mr. S.H. waxes briefly poetic in the Karl’s White Shoes thread and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
————
When the wind kicks up at the county fair Kelly’s hair flies like blades of pale golden straw rippling under the hot mid day sun.
Most of it lands near the horse corrals, but some of it goes as far as the statue of Johnny Cash made entirely of butter. Just remember to check your wafflecone for any loose strands because the peroxyde ruins the taste.
———–
