Existentialism
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Thursday, September 27, 2012
The Family that Taps Together Craps Together
We’re losing the war.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012Scenes from a New Jersey Kitchen
Vlad: Estrago! Is that her?
Estrago: Who?
Vlad: Godottie!
Estrago: Impossible! Is that undies poke over there?
Vlad: Focus, Estrago! We must wait until she arrives!
Estrago: (looking around) This kitchen is-
Vlad: Yes?-
Estrago: -made of plywood!
Vlad: so?
Estrago: It reminds me of one time in the Antilles when I shat on a squirrel.
Vlad: That makes no sense?
Estrago: It does thematically to the audience because it signifies the fractured nature of a nation traumatized by the war and unable to form coherency and meaning.
Vlad: What should we do?
Estrago: Perhaps if we wait a little longer, Godottie will arrive.
Vlad: But what if she doesn’t come?
Godottie: Guys, yo! I’m right here!
Vlad: Heavens! This defeats the modernist themes underlying our crisis!
Godottie: Screw that postwar expansion of narrative and start fondling my boobs!
And… scene.
Thursday, August 23, 2012What it Looks like When a Father Fails
Somewhere in Dallas, a man who had a daughter twenty years ago stares into the existential abyss of his mirror and realizes the completion of his failure is signaled by a lip piercing.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012"The Critique of Pure Reason"
As Immanuel Kant once wrote in his seminal treatise, “The Critique of Pure Reason”:
Whether or not the douchebag can be understood, a priori, as a product of cause and effect, this causal result relies entirely on the limitations of sensorial understandings of douchepoo. It is therefore my observation that only insofar as douchepoo is mocked sufficiently, then boobies are a form of higher truth.”
Yup. Need a coffee.
Thursday, July 26, 2012Some Days I Just Shouldn't Have Gotten Out of Bed
One day, I will punch a baby sloth in the nadsack with a rubber billy club as karmic retribution for the existence of this pic.
That day may never come.
But then again, it might.
Friday, June 29, 2012Party Guy Cries Out with Existential "Wooo!"
No amount of ridiculous bling, ‘bag hand gestures, requisite party drugs, or paid-to-pose hott chicks can hide the creeping onus of frightful dread gnawing at the fringes and margins of Party Guy’s fractured consciousness.
You can party harder to hide cognitive breakdown, Party Guy. But it will find you by the snack machines in the lobby of the Best Western at 4am.
Thursday, June 28, 2012Party Guy Says, "Hey, lets Party!"
But you detect a faint tremor in Party Guy’s voice when he asks you to Party.
A tinge of existential crisis.
For deep down in the recesses of Party Guy’s soul, when late at night the thumping Skrillex dubstep is a fading echo in Party Guy’s ears, Party Guy weeps for the career in business administration at DeVry he never pursued. And Party Guy sighs. For a life unfulfilled is a life wasted. Party Guy read that on a Fortune Cookie at Wong Chow’s once.
Sonja’s boobs, however, completely and utterly fulfilled their destiny.
Monday, June 4, 2012The Good, The 'Bag, and the Douchey
Groin shave reveal.
Still out there.
Still the douche that shot Liberty Valance.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012Arm Tissue
I would expect nothing less at the Omaha Nebraska Shriner Club’s annual “Baldness and Porn” party, held every May. Be sure to buy a raffle ticket! Kathie Sue’s pies ain’t gonna eat themselves.
And by pies, I mean vageen.
Monday, May 7, 2012Harvesthead Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
Slutty Sonja offers Professional Mayan Eye of Coitus so she doesn’t have to pay for her drinks.
