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Everybody Do the Oompa!
Looks like the Oompa Prompa craze is spreading like wildfire. And by wildfire, I mean creepy scrotebags.
I’m still in the process of upgrading the servers so if you occasionally get an “access denied” when visiting, it’s just due to temporary site overload. Simply hit reload and the site should come up fine. And by fine, I mean boobies.
Also while I appreciate the 60 or so submissions of Tuberculosis On the Airplane Guy and his apparently hottie wife, please stop sending. I’d need at least some Jesus Bling or ‘Bag Hand Gesture #184 to go with that T.B. before posting.
EDIT: A reader alerted me to DListed ripping off Prompa without a HCwDB credit. Lame.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Douche-Neck shirts.
Still out there. Still a harbinger of stupid hair, chest shave, and the apocalypse of tainting Jenny and Kelly’s perfect globbs.
Your humble narrator muses on the power of herd mentality to drive the masses to stupidity, and is appalled and bemused simultaneously. We flatter ourselves with thoughts of individualism.
But we are simply crumbs on the cone nose of a Carvel Cookie Puss.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: ” I tell you what we’re gonna do, Marlboro. You’re gonna take that goddamn J.C. Penney tie off and we’re gonna have an old fashioned man to man drinking party.”
HCwDB televisual mock continues to spread with Britain’s hit show“The Only Way is Essex.”
‘Bag hunters fight back: Petition to keep Nickelback from playing halftime show gains support. Don’t forget to sign the petitition!
Raging ass pimple on the butt cheek of society, the retched “Nik Ritchie,” who writes HCwDB ripoff site “The Dirty,” managed to keep his desperate clinging to Z-List fame alive by going on Anderson Cooper to talk about his defamation case. Back when that clown launched “Dirty Scottsdale” after being inspired by HCwDB, he used to beg me for links to his crap. And look at him now. What a hero.
Scientists identify World’s Sexiest Dance Moves. Sadly, White Man’s Overbite not included.
Since I got all reflective earlier in the week looking back at 2007’s Why Jeffy is ‘Bag, here’s another nostalgic look back The Oompa Prompa Photoshop Contest. Back in 2008. Like another universe.
Remember that cute Jerry McGuire kid? Now he likes to work out. You had me at “Too Much Time On Your Hands.”
Apparently he hasn’t been using his time to earn an Online-MBA. (Resource Link)
Ubiquitous Red Cup for sale. No sign if John Mayerbag is thinking of making a bid.
Ever wonder what happens when a sexytime threesome goes wrong? For one Florida douchebag, it involves throwing a TV at his wife and ending up in jail.
Okay, you’ve been good. You’ve earned it:
For the twilight is ‘ere and the November rain means Axl Rose shivers.
The ‘Baggle Axe Trading Card
HCwDB’s own Battlescrote Gallactica has taken inspiration from an old Garbage Pail Kids card to create a tribute to HCwDB near-monthly-winner The Baggle Axe.
Excellent work, B.G. A brilliant mock.
A few years ago, the great Jean Claude Van Douche similarly created a number of HCwDB Trading Cards, including The Oompa Prompa, The Ghoulbag and a brilliant one for The Gator that I can’t find because I’m a technical luddite (A URC of ‘Train to the first ‘bag hunter who links to it).
Have a fun HCwDB photoshop idea?
Create it and send it on in to HCwDB, and you could win… a new car!*
* New car not included.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Oh, Anita.
How you stand there so calmly in the eye of the storm as four Vegas Shoescrapes circle you like rancid pudding.
Anita. Anita! As these skinny tatt-infested muggies paw your soft boobage, remember this:
You can’t go, the plants’ll die.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: Mohawk this guy!
Speaking of cinematic perfection, the greatest three minute sequence of the 1990s: Gutterballs! The Coen Brothers are the masters. The rest are mere filmmakers.
Last week’s Basebaggery incident, in which Douchebag Bo let his girlfriend, Sara, get hit by a foul ball, has brought us one glorious revelation: Sarah is Uberhott. Yes she is.
Insecure Twitter and pathological narcissist, John Mayerbag: Before becoming Guitar Spank Lameness.
Streetfighter 2010: Boston Douchebags Beaten with a Bat. Now with bonus cheering!
Celebrity Orangebags attend the ballet. High Culture never smelled of such poo.
KTLA files this report on Los Angelesian Scrotewankery.
For the nerds among us: Darth Schwarzenegger.
Okay, enough nerdgasms. It’s time to get down to your reward at the end of another quality week of hottie/douchey parse.
And since the last few weeks had some repeat Pear, you deserve not one, not two, but THREE all new servings of Pearfection. And here they is:
Splash Pear. Like a summer’s breeze.
And the glories of Step Pear.
For you’ve earned it. Now carry the HCwDB traditions into Friday’s eve with wine, bread, women and song.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Sometimes I scratch myself in inappropriate places even when I do not itch.
This makes me wonder.
Do we itch therefore we scratch? Do we scratch in anticipation of itch?
Does a snitch in thyme save mimes?
Can one get wine stains out of a rug using only a paper towel and generic brand Windex?
Yup. Makin’ no sense. I blame today’s Ass Pear. But no skipping ahead! Go through your links first.
It’s Friday. Here’s your links:
The Gator: The Interview. A classic from 2006. “It takes me hours to get ready because it’s all down to what makes me look the most pumped up and muscly. I’m a bit of a perfectionist.” HCwDB legends are legends for a reason.
And speaking of HCwDB classics, Joey Porsche tags Joey Porsche.
And when you Google “Oompa Prompa,” a pic of HCwDB pointer, Peaches, comes up. Interesting.
Eagle-eyed reader Grieco Suave spotted a D.B. car in Minnesota.
Stackhouse likes it doggie style. In a dress.
Meanwhile, Wolverine is Tangerine.
If the DB1 ever gets married, here’s a pic of my wedding cake.
Perez Hilton figures out that “Snooki” from The Jersey Shore was featured on my show, Is She Really Going Out With Him? first, back when we called her Nicole. This clip features one of my favorite VO lines I wrote for that episode: “This discourse has the elements of a Socratic debate, peppered in with more sh*ts and f*cks.” Getting references to Socratic debate on MTV. Score one for me.
Remember when demeaning black stereotypes used to randomly show up in major Hollywood blockbusters? Say Jim, that’s a bad outFIT! Whoa!
And then there’s this clip from Transformers II: Revenge of the Fallen. Whoops, I mean this clip. Skidz and Mudflap “don’t do much readin’.”
Next thing you’ll tell me, Ron Jeremy was an extra in Ghostbusters. Here’s the full story confirming it’s really The Hedgehog. Cue “Slimer” jokes.
And from Ron Jeremy, we of course go to your Friday Ass Pear:
Enjoy. For it is Friday. And it is the weekend.
HCwDB of the Week
Another solid HCwDB of the Week for your parsification. With three couplings of toxicity that each deserve merit/mock, it’s a tough choice. Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Gnome Chompsky and Hottnah Arendt
I’m not convinced this is one of HCwDB’s legendary Oompa Prompas, Tall Prompa. But it’s certainly possible. Orange Guidosity does tend to blend into one giant ball of hair grease.
However, without further evidence, I’m giving Gnome Chompsky and Hottnah their shot.
She is delightful, young adult debutante intellectual ass pear.
He is the leading academic expert on the linguistic circulations of meaning in the contested space of power relations and poo.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Pud Brothers and Lisa
First appearing as a double-douche mack on the sexy and confused Lisa, The Pud Brothers come complete with matching sunglasses and kissy lips.
They are classic HCwDB, proving that the ‘bag peak of 2007 still leaves turd floaters in its wake.
Continuing to hit on poor Lisa, Rogue Leader eventually broke from the pack to fly solo, continuing on in a Friday Thoughts and Links post, before learning to count to three while hitting on Barely Legal Chandra. Actually that may have been Rogue #2 in one of those pics. Like the Prompas, these turds look the same.
That’s some serious run of uberdouche in presence of hott.
But are the Pud Brothers, being as they are such classic douchebag, enough of 2010-era taint to take the prize?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Supermang and Lois
God damn this is a tough Weekly. Our third hottie/douchey coupling not only brings quality uber-hottness to the game, but “69” hat tilt and ginormous watch.
The ‘Mang followed up his hitting on the sexy Lois by macking on Lana in a Friday Haiku.
Or maybe Lana is Lois in disguise. Everyone’s confusing me this morning. Heck, I can barely affix postage stamps. I blame the cheap but delicious Hostess products.
Lois is all that’s glorious about bicameral reproduction. Her belly doesn’t just ask me to “pooch” upon it. It tasks me. It demands that I go “pweeeeeeee!!!” in a loud ass-noise way.
The hardest cut of all was leaving Ass Tea off the list, as Private School Claire was delightful and those chin pubes were rank. Maybe I’ll slip him into the next Weekly if I can. The Guppy just missed the cut due to potential Halloweeny-ness, but Belly Dancer Jessica will haunt my dreams for many a fortnight.
So them’s your three. We’ve got Oompa Prompa level Orange Guid. Classic kissy lips Party Pud. And Southern fratdouche. All with high quality hotties.
Which of the three should win this week’s HCwDB of the Week?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Is This Mung?
While laughing at the Chick Who Makes the Same Face in Every Pic, reader Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein caught the following image and sent it in.
Adolph’s question: is this one of the legendary Oompa Prompas?
It’s clearly not Fung.
Is it a de-oranged yet still douchey Prompa #2, aka “Mung”?
Or is this HCwDB of the Week winning Artificial Douchetelligence? Or all they all parts of the same orangified psyche?
The Immortal Pumpy
One of the first truly breakout pics to appear on the site, before the Oompa Prompas, before The Gator, was the legendary boob grab of Pumpy.
Pumpy was instant legend.
Sadly, Pumpy passed away in Vegas a few months later, and so we moved him out of the Hall of Scrote and gave him his very own memorial section on the site.
But before he passed on to the party in the sky, Pumpy lived the life that only a superhuman can. For those of you with more than a passing interest in Pumpy’s Girl, here’s more on her from Coed Magazine.
We miss your Zen boob grabs and pokey underwear, Pumpster.
R.I.P.
Ask DB1: Veronica on G4
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Hello,
I’ve been a casual peruser of your website for a little while now, and am happy to finally have a reason to write in.
I was just watching an episode of g4tv’s show “Attack of the Show”, and was looking forward to a segment called ‘Internet Bad Girls’ which would feature hot women who keep blogs/webcams, but had a very obvious naughty streak. The first two definitely great looking hotts, but imagine my surprise when the last one featured – you know how usually segments of that nature on TV save the “best for last” – was none other than Veronica, featured on your website in January of 2008.
And needless to say, she is still the same kinda hott you would allow to coat you in hot wax and make a candle out of your wiener.
Just thought this was a funny coincidence that needed to be shared. Keep ’em coming please sir.
– Adam B.
San Jose, CA
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Just as the Oompa Prompas became internet legends after their orange oompa visages appeared on this site, my hope is to see our hotts reach equal heights. By which I mean lots of people staring at their boobs.
EDIT: The G4 Clip
Friday Thoughts and Links
I have but one deep thought upon this Friday:
Rose Schlossberg’s mom may not be New York’s next senator, but someday the DB1 will charm Little Rose Hott herself into becoming my next little Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh. By seductively wooing her with takeout Chinese food and a bottle of Ernest and Julio Gallo’s finest under-$20 fortified wine.
Here’s your Friday links:
Uberdouchey corrupt former governor of Chicago, Rod Blagojevich signs a boobie. Stay classy, Rod, you douchepimple.
Douchebag Seeks Hot Chick on Dating Site
Fung We Can. Fung We Did.
Paul Janka is concentrated, bottled uberdouche. I would pay a small Malaysian orphan boy 20 Yuan and a digital watch to kick him in the nads and then run off quickly.
Go forth, friends. Go forth and celebrate the Boobie Suckle Thigh and the forces of non-douche that fight the good fight. For it is Friday.
(Oompa Prompa trading card designed by HCwDB’s own Jean Claude Van Douche)
