A Greasepitzer Cuddles With Perfect Eve
If ever you indulged the thought that hottie/douchey cohabit was fading as we enter the teenage years of this new century, banish that conceit from your pretty little head.
Because professional Vegas Douchclownsians are greasing the suckle bobble pokes. Lo, a Greasepitzer is cuddling somewhere with Perfect Eve.
Eve’s ful lips and sultry Mayan Eye of Coitus offer harpsichord Beethoven sex music run through stereophonic musak elevator to butt fondle.
Okay. So that last sentence got away from me.
But regardless, Ganesh and Vishnu rend their garments and spittle on a Torah at this evidence of wrong.
NFL Football Player Richie Incognito is an Inflated Roidpimple
Douchebags.
Still jacked up on amphetamines, confusion, self hatred and bitterness.
Evil Yellow Sunball Don't Get Paid Enough For This Crap
If Evil Yellow Sunball gotta sit around and watch any more of this then Evil Yellow Sunball might have to smack a bitch. And by bitch, Evil Yellow Sunball means a female dog.
Reader Mail: Douchebags and The Gays
Reader Brian posted the following in last week’s Happy Halloween comments thread:
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I know you do not seem like a huge fan of the gay community (maybe I am wrong? I have been once or twice in my life! Lol) but as a gay man I look forward to seeing pics of hot, juiced up douchebags and check this site every day. Not seeing them as much as I used to?!
I happen to think the dude in the middle is smoking hot and I know you published one of him before with a ‘hot chick’ and he had these crazy eyes in the photo-similar to his look in this one; it was a turn on actually!!
I am sure you have TONS of gay fans. BTW, I think you have mentioned being from Brookline or at least Boston. I live in Allston. Love your site but more roided douchebags please; makes my day. Peace.
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We here at HCwDB welcome readers from all persuasions, and I have nothing against gay people, except when they describe douchebags as “hot.” Then you’ve crossed a line, my gay friend. Not cool.
You see, Brian practices what theorist Stuart Hall defines as an oppositional reading strategy. He takes a given text (HCwDB) and actively re-purposes its meaning in a way different than that intended by the author.
Brian’s reframing of douche mocking into gay lust actually serves as an important lesson in how concepts such as Antonin Scalia’s constitutional originalism, the belief that a given text has one and only one meaning that can somehow be deciphered like a Secret Society Decoder Ring is so ludicrous.
Each of us bring our subjectivities and active agency into the process of interpretation in any given text. Communication is generated as much by the spectator as by the author.
It is a proverbial two-way-street of meaning. A repeating cycle rather than a linear path.
When Brian perceives the douchebag as “hot,” it reflects how we all interpret texts in ways that differ from authorial intent. Just as Scalia perceives the Constitution. We all bring subjective agency to bear on the text. Only a fool pretends that this variable process doesn’t exist.
So welcome, Brian. And blow an aardvark, Scalia, you fraud.
Stayin' Aleve
Curvy Heather and Some Shmoe in a Suit reenact one of the most iconic moments in cinema history.
Gay Tom Selleck Enters a 14 Year Old's Heterosexual Fantasy Landscape
Teen Dream Sophia does not exist.
She is simply a phantasm. A totem. A siginifer of Gay Tom Selleck’s subconscious struggle to resolve his twin desires for heterosexual normativity and funky black cargo shorts.
Breaking: Drunk Frenchbags Steal and Molest a Llama
The latest from France:
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A pack of blitzed French school chums snatched Serge the llama from a circus and led the surprisingly agreeable beast on a late-night journey aboard the city of Bordeaux’s tram system.
The llama-nappers posted pictures of themselves with Serge on Twitter, leading to their arrests on misdemeanor theft charges. They’ll likely get a wrist-slapping fine.
“I had two or three glasses too much. Let’s say I was happy,” one of the animal liberators, Mathieu, 20, told the Sud-Ouest newspaper.
The lifelong pals broke into the Franco-Italian Circus looking to grab a zebra, but that animal wasn’t cooperative.
Serge, however, was more than game for some wild-and-woolly, late-night action.
“We were afraid that [Serge] would be rough, but he was very gentle,” Mathieu said. “We petted him and he followed us onto the street.”
The blotto buddies baptized Serge with booze and renamed him “Kuzco,” after the Inca ruler in Disney’s cartoon “The Emperor’s New Groove.”
“[Serge] was happy and proud [to be temporarily free],” Mathieu said.
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You almost earned some nottabags, Frenchbags, but then you had to go all “Emperor’s New Groove.” The only proper name for a sex llama is Falkor.
Scarfy Pete Finds the Holy Cleavite of Titicaca
When I was nine years old, “Titicaca” was the funniest word I’d ever heard.
It still is.
Toungled Up in Blue
Early one morning the douche was scroting
I was clubbin’ in bed,
Wond’ring if she’d changed it all
If her butt bobble was still red
Her folks they said our bottle service together
Sure was gonna be Grey Goose,
They never did like Mama’s homemade drugs
Papa’s shlongwater wasn’t big enough
And the DJ was standing on the side of the road
Spittle falling on my Vans
Heading out for the velvet rope
Lord knows I’ve fondled some butts getting through
Toungled up in blue.
That’s right, beyoch. Bob Dylan references. Cuz I’m totally in sync with the zeitgeist, yo! Like a postmodern Bieber.
