Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Caption This

Well…this oughta be fun…

Limerick Hoe-Down o' the Week

Trish was the Copperest-Copper there was,

She set Lance’s young loins all a-buzz;

But she had no Brazilian,

Had pubes by the trillion,

Lance found why her nickname’s “The Fuzz“.

What?  What’s that?  You think YOU can do better?  Well, that’s why we have us a comments section here.  Son.  Have at!

Limerick Hoe-Down o' the Week

Trish was the Copperest-Copper there was,

She set Lance’s young loins all a-buzz;

But she had no Brazilian,

Had pubes by the trillion,

Lance found why her nickname’s “The Fuzz“.

What?  What’s that?  You think YOU can do better?  Well, that’s why we have us a comments section here.  Son.  Have at!

Friday thoughts and links. Son.

DarkSock here again, as DB1 continues on his epic walk-about of self-discovery. As  you can see below, I’ve been very busy. My alliance with DB1, as his sidekick, has yielded many fruits from our unholy alliance. We’ve made great leaps, with you, the alert readers of this site, in the e’er-raging fight against our foes.

But we still strive to hone our writing skills. For example, our crack team here recognizes that you sad bastards get most of your breaking news from this site – and we aim to deliver. For example – that missing airliner? Our insiders tell us that this tragedy was an act of douchebaggery – namely the incessant desire to tweet selfies at all costs. If this is true, these guys are the first pilots sucked off on a flight deck since the swingin’ 70’s.

But you’re not here to peruse odd goings-on, are you? You’re not interested in the strange ways people perish. No. Let us speak of the gorillaphant in the room. You’re here to ogle hott nekkid ladies. Well…nearly nekkid ladies.

Well, then enough hurling our collective poo in a rage.

For this very special Friday, we will focus – per alert reader Vin Douchal – on ABstinance. The opposite o’ pear. We love both, as much as this guy hates Lamp. Enjoy.

Skinny Abs.

Bebe Abs.

GLORIOUS SWEATY UNDER-BOOB ABS. SON.

Very Expensive First Date Abs.

Someone just got a Brazilian Abs.

Curly LoveBall Abs.

Daisy Duke Underboob Abs.

Seems Legit Abs.

Sheryl Crow-ish Abs.

Een Soviet Russia Abs Crunch YOU.

I Left My Husband And Took His Stuff Abs.

If Michael Jackson Were A Skinny White Chick – Oh, Wait, He Was Abs.

Time To Back Off On The Testosterone Abs.

I Wouldn’t Mind Getting Stuck on THIS Bridge for 5 Hours…Son…Abs.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?

Friday Haiku – early edition

As Bobby Largeman

Looked on in disdain, he thought

“Those damned Harkonnens…”

March Madness is here!

World’s shortest power forward,

drives hard to the rim.

— hermit

Baby Beluga

In the deep blue pants, tries to

flip-her, towards Willy.

— Charles Douchewin

He doesn’t wear socks

Since the gyroscope was put

In her Monkey Hole.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

lube and beer in hand

awaiting the gyroscope

shit is getting real

— Dickie Fingers

How low can they go?

Morals, self respect & shame

Puddle ‘ponst the floor.

— Crucial Aloysius Head

Nobody wants to

see “Midget Mike” get naked.

Cheer for death instead.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Having a damaged

Chromosome won’t keep us from

Making fun of you

— DoucheyWallnuts

Caption This photo! For Freedom.

DarkSock here, with your latest installment of “Caption This!     Me first…

“The unfortunate Darlene Symanski was the first to discover the battery leak issue with the Lady Godiva Discreet Humming Butterfly Insert™.”

Now your turn; click on the “comments” tab…or if you’re into the parallel universe thing, click on the photograph like a dumb-ass. The best caption will get…Freedom™.**

**Special Notice – Stay tuned for a very special “Friday Thoughts n’ Links – Abs Edition”!!!  Shout out to Vin “Gut-Shot” Diesel for the inspiration.

March Madness Madness with D. Wallnuts

The March Madness

So here we are again with the whole March Madness thing and it got me thinkin’ about the games we used to influence back in the day. And by “influence” I mean tellin them over-grown, shorts wearin Jamokes that they better do what we says, I says.

We had this guy Pokey Izzo who used to work back there in the training room at the Madison Garden an knew all a the players and knew who was hurt and who was a Hop Head and who had knocked up a dame and such, and he would pass it on to certain parties who knew what to do with such info. Capice?

So anyways, here’s some a my picks for this weekend. Since I don’t know when the Sock will post this here post, I’ll just give you some a my general bettin ideas.

And don’t go askin me about some a these conferences that have who knows who playin who knows where. Na mean? One time this local skel asked me to get down a bet for him on Alcorn State or some shit and so I caved in his mug with a can a scungilli.

The Big East.

Now the Big East ain’t the same Big East it was. Oh sure, some a them teams is the same but there’s a whole bunch a other teams and it’s not as exciting even though they’s still playing in the Garden.

If I was a bettin man, I’d throw some Clams on Xavier to win the whole thing.  In think Xavier is in Cincinatti, which is where that broad who was into the enemas was from. She took a Shrimp Scampi enema one day and had me give her what we used to call The Flesh Plunger. Madon, I held my breath until I busted my nut.

The ACC.

This is another one a them conferences that don’t have the same teams in it that it used to have. I’m not a big fan of the Duke with that coach wit a name I can’t pronounce that looks kinda like a rat.

There ain’t nothin special about pickin 2-1 favorites to win nothin so I like Pitt at 12-1.

If I have action, I want action. Any namby pamby half a Finnoch Chalk Eatin high roller wanna-be can bet on a 2-1 Goose, but if I’m fat with Scarole I want the payoff. Am I right when I say that?

The Big 12.

Kansas is +$220 but their center is gimpy and won’t be playin, so if I was you I’d put a Nickel on Oklahoma State at +$360 but if you was really like me and had the stones to boot you’d go with a Dime on Baylor at +$650.

I was in Waco, Texas once when I was the assistant road manager for Count Basie and his Orchestra and it felt like I was a pizza oven. It was so hot I didn’t even wanna get laid, even though I did.

The PAC 12.

I have a lot a fond memories a the days when John Wooden was at UCLA, and by fond memories I mean I made a ton a Cabbage bettin them. We’d get the Outlaw Line and get the jump on the rest a the average schnooks.

Hey, just because UCLA always won didn’t mean they always covered. We won a lot a bets goin with the Puppy back then.

So I’m likin them Oregon Ducks goin off at 9-2. Quack quack. You could hedge and go smaller with one a the favorites or take some individual games on the Hang Cheng if you don’t have the stomach for the big hit. Them Ducks have them crazy uniforms and I once banged a tattoo artist dame from Portland who loved Cutty on the rocks with an anchovy, or some effin’ thing.

Aright, that’s about it. And remember what my old pal Louie the Shin used to say, “One man’s chicken s another man’s Gumbo.”

March Madness Madness with D. Wallnuts

The March Madness

So here we are again with the whole March Madness thing and it got me thinkin’ about the games we used to influence back in the day. And by “influence” I mean tellin them over-grown, shorts wearin Jamokes that they better do what we says, I says.

We had this guy Pokey Izzo who used to work back there in the training room at the Madison Garden an knew all a the players and knew who was hurt and who was a Hop Head and who had knocked up a dame and such, and he would pass it on to certain parties who knew what to do with such info. Capice?

So anyways, here’s some a my picks for this weekend. Since I don’t know when the Sock will post this here post, I’ll just give you some a my general bettin ideas.

And don’t go askin me about some a these conferences that have who knows who playin who knows where. Na mean? One time this local skel asked me to get down a bet for him on Alcorn State or some shit and so I caved in his mug with a can a scungilli.

The Big East.

Now the Big East ain’t the same Big East it was. Oh sure, some a them teams is the same but there’s a whole bunch a other teams and it’s not as exciting even though they’s still playing in the Garden.

If I was a bettin man, I’d throw some Clams on Xavier to win the whole thing.  In think Xavier is in Cincinatti, which is where that broad who was into the enemas was from. She took a Shrimp Scampi enema one day and had me give her what we used to call The Flesh Plunger. Madon, I held my breath until I busted my nut.

The ACC.

This is another one a them conferences that don’t have the same teams in it that it used to have. I’m not a big fan of the Duke with that coach wit a name I can’t pronounce that looks kinda like a rat.

There ain’t nothin special about pickin 2-1 favorites to win nothin so I like Pitt at 12-1.

If I have action, I want action. Any namby pamby half a Finnoch Chalk Eatin high roller wanna-be can bet on a 2-1 Goose, but if I’m fat with Scarole I want the payoff. Am I right when I say that?

The Big 12.

Kansas is +$220 but their center is gimpy and won’t be playin, so if I was you I’d put a Nickel on Oklahoma State at +$360 but if you was really like me and had the stones to boot you’d go with a Dime on Baylor at +$650.

I was in Waco, Texas once when I was the assistant road manager for Count Basie and his Orchestra and it felt like I was a pizza oven. It was so hot I didn’t even wanna get laid, even though I did.

The PAC 12.

I have a lot a fond memories a the days when John Wooden was at UCLA, and by fond memories I mean I made a ton a Cabbage bettin them. We’d get the Outlaw Line and get the jump on the rest a the average schnooks.

Hey, just because UCLA always won didn’t mean they always covered. We won a lot a bets goin with the Puppy back then.

So I’m likin them Oregon Ducks goin off at 9-2. Quack quack. You could hedge and go smaller with one a the favorites or take some individual games on the Hang Cheng if you don’t have the stomach for the big hit. Them Ducks have them crazy uniforms and I once banged a tattoo artist dame from Portland who loved Cutty on the rocks with an anchovy, or some effin’ thing.

Aright, that’s about it. And remember what my old pal Louie the Shin used to say, “One man’s chicken s another man’s Gumbo.”

John Cougar (and) MelonBarf

Well now…This photograph pretty much captures the essence, the ” je ne sais quoi” if you will, of Hot Chicks with Douchebags, does it not? The very feely-feel of the site.

For this most wretched of weekdays – Monday – I propose we have a combination Haiku-Limerick ho-down. The best will be put on the front page, oh, say mid-week given the more stately pace of the site these days.

Posit your metered musings, as always, in the comments section.

John Cougar (and) MelonBarf

Well now…This photograph pretty much captures the essence, the ” je ne sais quoi” if you will, of Hot Chicks with Douchebags, does it not? The very feely-feel of the site.

For this most wretched of weekdays – Monday – I propose we have a combination Haiku-Limerick ho-down. The best will be put on the front page, oh, say mid-week given the more stately pace of the site these days.

Posit your metered musings, as always, in the comments section.