Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Reader Mail: Kanye, Liv and Fashionbaggery

‘Bag huntress Anabelle writes in with an important celebutag:

———–

*gets herself together*

– Anabelle
—–

It is a sign that our war on the douchepocalypse is entering a dangerous and ominous time, ‘bag huntress. But for the shout-out to William Gibson and the important work you’re doing in mocking from afar, do not give up hope.

We fight on. Together.

The Screaming Oh

Look closely… do you see it?…

There!… In the corner of Jennifer’s eye…

You see it right?…

That brief glimmer of recognition that accepting Jeffrey The Hardware Store Owner’s marriage proposal was a horrible, horrible mistake.

Sorry, Jennifer. All that awaits you in your future now are repetitive shopping trips to CostCo, SUVs in the driveway, the sound of lawnmowers all day, and nasty pre-teen children who, like, totally hate you both.

Lineup of Dismay

“Woe Canada” continues to occupy an (un)hallowed place in our tracking of global douche culture. This confederacy of douches brings great shame to our neighbors in the great white north (Ooooooh lu ku ku luuu ku ku ku).

Now attemping to outdouche even Outbreak points like Vegas and New Jersey, the areas of Toronto may need quarantine, Outbreak Style.

Once More Into the Bleach

There are many ways Douche and Bleeth can entertain themselves at the Jerzey shore.

They can flex and pose, as we see here.

The can practice lifts.

Or they can repose with a tasty Bud Light Lime on a flexy boat net.

Apologies for the lack of hott, these pics amused me too much not to run, so to make up for it, have some Glorious Soccer Pear.

Reader Mail: Jason Adler is Unclear on the Concept

—–
Many of the stores we work with are looking for bags like yours but they need better pricing. Can you offer discounts if larger orders are placed?

Sincerely,
Jason Adler
Director of Merchandising
SellBeyond
21520 Yorba Linda Blvd, Suite G
Yorba Linda, CA 92887
—–

Any warehouse to ship ‘bags in large discount orders would have to be established in Long Island.

And by ship ‘bags, I mean overseas. Preferably to a small island without internet service or females.

Goldilocks and the Three Bores

Aesop just bitch slapped an arthritic Nun and cursed the Godless darkness of existential crisis.

There Are Many Things Not Worth Seeing in This Life

Triple X Groin Shave Reveal on a strangely lumpy Oldbag by the pool is one of them.

When Candi on the right giggles, she jiggles. Like Jello. Mmmm. Jello.

So we got that going for us in this pic. Not sure it’s enough.

Troll Dog

Troll Dog see women?

Troll Dog like women!

Sit, Troll Dog, sit!

The Poos Brothers

They’re on a mission from Chabad.

As to the hottness that is Terézia, I have one thing to say:

Dear Budapest. Thank you for your young women in poverty and without scruples.

When Pears Go Bad

Ya know, I woke up all groggy this morning. Those two Trader Joes microwave burritos I had for dinner while watching Eastbound and Down on DVD just sat like lumps in my gut all night.

Then I rolled out of bed all groggy at 4:15am.

I watered the Vuvuzela tree, cleaned off the water frogs, dusted around the Tralfamadorian tree feeder and spitshined the alpacas.

When the household chores were done, I fired up the trusty ole’ laptop, and this is what I see.

Pear gone bad.

Sure it may still look tasty and firm on the outside. But it’s rotten. Gone bleethy. And surrounded by douche fungi to prove it.

There’s only one cure for this: Blood Orange Soda. And lots of it.