Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

It's Like a Field of Ferrets Upchucking into the Ocean as One

Mixed with some quality suckle leg.

But even quality suckle leg is not enough to fight off the encroaching nihilism.

The vortex of the abyss that awaits us all is dark. And smells like Tara Reid’s foot fungus.

Breaking: High Schools Axe Bodyspray

We’re… winning?

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High school wants kids to cut back on body spray after student hospitalized for exposure to Axe

It wasn’t immediately clear what type of reaction the student had, or what chemical in the spray may have caused the problem.

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And from Gawker, Axe Bodyspray has same effect as nerve gas.

Supermoob America Vs. The Holy Cleavite

Moobs vs. Boobs. It’s like the graphic novel that Alan Moore never come up with.

Site’s been buggy this morning. Ha to reset the server. In the meantime, mock some supermoobs.

Eight months later, and you end up with this.

Why British Yobs With Bad Teeth Become Rock Stars

I know I talk about Rockstar Leniency Rule in service of the performative arts. But Ronnie Wood, yer ballsack is taskin’ me, man. It’s taskin’ me.

EDIT: What’s all this, then? Apparently that’s Rod Stewart on the left as well. Piss off, ya tossers!! Nice teeth.

The Scriptographer Hits on Pool Kelly

Chlorine PH level = crusty.

Cocky Racoon Learns to Make Love the Old Fashioned Way

With an electric cattle prod, a half-pound of bacon grease, and a short Guatalupe towelboy named Yajah offering Gatorade, ice milk, and nipple clamp cathode rays delivered in short bursts to the upper colon.

Well, That's One Way to Quit A Job

America, f#@k yeah! (video not actually made in America)

"Fellini's Sadoucheicon" (1978)

Sorry undergrads, they only screen this one in grad-level classes.

"Cocky Racoon And The Case of the Missing Crisco"

Sure it’s easy to look back at Shel Silverstein’s unpublished 1973 children’s book, “Cocky Racoon and the Case of the Missing Crisco” and say that it’s totally inappropriate for children.

But it was the early 70s, man.

Times was different.

Back then, children’s books frequently featured fondling, group orgies, rampant drug use, goth makeup, and an annoying, trendy music video director slash fashion photographer from Dusseldorf shouting “Make eeet beeger!! Sexierrrrr!!” at models by a pool.

What?

It had a moral lesson, too.

Don’t do drugs, kids.

Or grease up for a trendy music video director slash fashion photographer from Dusseldorf.

The Self Made Fistaculous

The Self Made Fistaculous wants the world to know one thing: “Paper or plastic?”

Jenny from the other block sips her rum and Coke pensively. For it was overpriced.

Your humb narrs was not invited to the Game of Thrones premiere last night. Hollywood shmoes who create reality shows don’t got that sorta swag. But I don’t care. I still can’t tell what the hell is going on on that show.

The last part of this post had nothing to do with The Self Made Fistaculous or Jenny. But hey, think of it like a public diary with ADHD.