Closet of Poo
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Tuesday, February 18, 2014
And Then This Happened
In a world of war, poverty, illness, ignorance, apathy, environmental disaster and Armenian cab drivers, this happened.
An event so tragic in its microcosmic metaphor as to render global catastrophe merely a backdrop for impending coital offense.
Where undies nubs hang their nubs in shame like sad alien antennae.
Monday, December 2, 2013Hanz and Brigitte's Wild Sunday Afternoon
8:00am — Arise to the pulsing sounds of techno-Wagner
8:12am — Shave all untoward hairs that might have grown during sleep time.
8:47am — Seven minute abs. Complete in five minutes.
8:53am – 9:48am — Shower, steam, sauna, groin-shave.
10:00am — Matching mani-pedis at the Gunterstrassen Nail Salon.
11:15am — Mint juleps and waffles brunch at Luftwaffle House.
12:41pm — Suppress traumatic memories of family history and legacy that remain unrecorded by subsequent trials and investigations
12:42pm — Reflect with fondness the dulcet pumping baseline of Avecii’s Wake Me Up.
2:01pm-6:23pm — Oysters
Monday, October 31, 2011The Poopaloompa is a Halloweeny
HCwDB legend and Closet of Poo quarantine victim, The Poopaloompa is still out there.
Still dressing like Adam Lambert for Halloween. On New Years.
Sista Tonya ain’t havin’ none of it. Mmm mmm. Or those two skinny white chicks.
Monday, August 22, 2011Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina Laugh at the HCwDB of the Week
Fast developing HCwDB legends and already flushed Closet of Poo inductees, Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina, mock the real world reality of our HCwDB of the Week winning couple.
Not orange enough, Poppa Squatter?
Poppa Squatter: Nooooooooooo!!!!!
Why does your voice sound like a helium afflicted David Schwimmer, Poppa Squatter?
Poppa Squatter: Stopppppp insulting meeeeeeee!!!!
But you’re orange, douchey and orange.
Poppa Squatter: This is true. I blame my Nana.
Your grandmother?
Poppa Squatter: My banana.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina Win At the Game Of Orange!!
You know where this is going.
After each has had their own adventures, Poppa Squatter, The Poopaloompa, The Jizz Singer, Pumpito and Brazilian Emo Hulk are recruited by Dr. Redderick Lobster to form a superleague of douche poo and orange to battle the evil mastermind Poo.
“The Toileteers.”
Flushing. Fall, 2012.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011Poppa Squatter Gets Jiggy With The Proverbial It
Little known Poppa Squatter trivia:
1. The lost Led Zeppelin track from 1974, When the Pigeons Poop, was originally dedicated to Poppa Squatter.
2. Once on the bullet train in Haikato, Japan, a dozen screaming Japanese teenagers fainted at the sight of Poppa Squatter, believing he was the reincarnation of feudal Japanese demigod “Orangito.”
3. The great orange grove freeze of 2007, depressing the crop harvest enough that Duke & Duke almost cornered the frozen orange juice market, was caused by a secret Nasa experiment involving Poppa Squatter, a jar of Vasoline, and a mirror.
Monday, August 15, 2011Poppa Squatter Lives! Is Still Orange
Recent HCwDB horrorshow and immediate Closet of Poo inductee, Poppa Squatter, wanted to stop by and let you know that his uberorange squatpuddery is still out there.
Still displaying extreme Gator-like toxic package (warning: This link should not be viewed on a full stomach as it can cause nausea, testicular retraction, eye bleeding, deep existential rage at the G-d that never was, and immediate castration and/or neutering of all nearby pets and wildlife)
Probably shouldn’t have included that last link. Just too cruel for a Monday.
EDIT: Okay, you’ve earned it. Here’s your makeup Pear: Greco-Roman Pear.
