HCwDB
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Thursday, March 18, 2010
Caption This Pic
The power of Joey’s chest sheen termporarily blinded Emily enough to cause her to collapse during the second chorus of “You Give Love a Bad Name” at “Karaoke Jovi” night at the Tube Bar.
Thursday, March 18, 2010Attention Canadian HCwDB Fans!
Is She Really Going Out With Him? Season 2 starts on MTV Canada on March 22nd at 8:30pm!
Checkitout, and let your humble narrator know what you think.
And notice I didn’t make any “eh?” jokes? Because really. I’m above that.
Thursday, March 18, 2010Jesse's Girl
Hey Rick, you might love the 80s. But word on the street is the 80s think you’re a ninnypud.
Euro Sandra deserves better. Like a tasty soda. And sound college advice. And awkward emails with headers that read “Hey, whatsup?” from me when she turns eighteen next year.
Thursday, March 18, 2010Jesse’s Girl
Hey Rick, you might love the 80s. But word on the street is the 80s think you’re a ninnypud.
Euro Sandra deserves better. Like a tasty soda. And sound college advice. And awkward emails with headers that read “Hey, whatsup?” from me when she turns eighteen next year.
Thursday, March 18, 2010Pinkhead Still Parties Like its 2008
Recession? What recession?
Try telling that one to Pinkhead’s tri-vag chin pubes.
Mmmm… Hawaiian Kaya. How I would Don your Hos and Lei your Mai Tais. You are ambiguous tropical island uncanny hott, and for that, I rub your kneecaps and slap your brother.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010Reader Mail: The 'Bagmitzvah
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DB1,
I am not sure if there is a junior classification on your site. It is with a heavy heart I submit this picture of the seed of my loins displaying douche-like characteristics at his little girlfriends Batmitzvah no less…
I can only determine the tainted genes of my Bronx spawned mother-in-law have corrupted my offspring…wish me luck with his exorcism as I am hopeful I can expell the douche-demon from the soul of my only child…
– Hasteez
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The first step is acknowledging your child has been possessed by the nascent emergence of the Grieco Virus, Hasteez. Now normally this is the part of my post where I pimp my book as your solution, but since I shamelessly plug that thing worse than a French Quarter hooker two weeks after Spring Break, I will instead pimp the works of Baruch Spinoza, whose experience of alienation as an outsider and pariah after his Bar Mitzvah led him to some of the most important philosophical breakthoughs introducing rationality and science into the realm of the spirtual/transcendent. With your encouragement, your son will begin to throw off the shackles of mass-culture douchal mimicry and become an independent thinker of intellectual challenge. Just like Spinoza. Who mocked the Eurobags of Amsterdam with pensive aplomb.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010Reader Mail: The ‘Bagmitzvah
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DB1,
I am not sure if there is a junior classification on your site. It is with a heavy heart I submit this picture of the seed of my loins displaying douche-like characteristics at his little girlfriends Batmitzvah no less…
I can only determine the tainted genes of my Bronx spawned mother-in-law have corrupted my offspring…wish me luck with his exorcism as I am hopeful I can expell the douche-demon from the soul of my only child…
– Hasteez
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The first step is acknowledging your child has been possessed by the nascent emergence of the Grieco Virus, Hasteez. Now normally this is the part of my post where I pimp my book as your solution, but since I shamelessly plug that thing worse than a French Quarter hooker two weeks after Spring Break, I will instead pimp the works of Baruch Spinoza, whose experience of alienation as an outsider and pariah after his Bar Mitzvah led him to some of the most important philosophical breakthoughs introducing rationality and science into the realm of the spirtual/transcendent. With your encouragement, your son will begin to throw off the shackles of mass-culture douchal mimicry and become an independent thinker of intellectual challenge. Just like Spinoza. Who mocked the Eurobags of Amsterdam with pensive aplomb.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010Herpy McFly
This whole remaking Back to the Future thing with a Jersey Shore vibe is just doomed to failure.
Oh Brunette Brenda.
How I weep quietly in your not-so-flaxen hair while you sleep, and then softly touch your boobie with my pinky. Until you awaken, and realize I didn’t leave the party with your other friends. And then you call our mutual friend Jenna, and complain that I’m annoying, and ask Jenna why I didn’t leave when everyone else left. And Jenna agrees I’m annoying. And then you and Jenna go out for mani/pedis.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010Wednesday Limerick
Ass Pear in the Vegas of Las,
Gets caught in a douche double cross,
One bites and one noses,
As each one composes,
To use her bikini as floss.
Yup. I need a coffee.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010Natalie Tags a Jersey Shore Douche
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So, my best ladies and I were at an ed hardy store opening party in cancun during spring break aka douchebag mecca when some overly spray tanned guy with a tribal band tattoo accidentally ripped out one of liz’s (the hot chick pictured with Jersey Shore’s dj pauly d) extensions with his nipple ring (obviously, people are walking around shirtless, it’s mexico). she threw her cup of hypnotiq in his face and screamed “f*ck you, you f*cking dragonslaying ez-tagger!”
he was so roided out, that he pushed her back, causing her to break all of her acrylic nails, and get dirt all over her coach bag! (luckily, she was barefoot, so nothing happened to her shoes)
then, pauly d ran over in a super fly ed hardy shirt and punched him in the face! a fight, obviously ensued, but pauly d was the victor (nothing happened to his hair, he had “fight level” of gel in it that day, thankfully), and liz’s hero for the night… i think they talked about the sub-prime mortgage crisis between him and GTL or his hair maintenance.
– Natalie
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Early candidate for Hieroglyphic Email of the Year.
