Miami

    Monday, June 25, 2012

    Lime Johnson Says "Spike!"

    The Leah Sisters, representing 70% of the under-25 indigenous female population in greater Ft. Lauderdale, giggle, pout, and go to Sizzler for lunch.

    EDIT: There was a bug in the new spam filter that was deleting tons of comments, apologies for that. It should be fixed, give it a whirl, and drop an email to your humble narrator if problems persist.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, June 14, 2012

    Moses McJesus Heals the Sinners

    And by heals the sinners, Adonai means smokes a spliff, borrows twenty bucks from his aunt Rachel, blows it on scratch tickets and a Slurpee, and spends the day lounging by the pool, bothering Mary, and avoiding a summons for an unpaid parking ticket.

    It’s in Fluke 4:20. It’s a lesser known Bible passage. Like that story on off-track betting in the Himalayas, I’m sure you’ve been following it.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, May 14, 2012

    The DB1 Spewcharts

    Let me recap my last five minutes.

    I enjoyed two tasty Hostess HoHos with a glass of milk. Seeing as Hostess may be bankrupting their tasty snack cakes into the dustbin of history, I have been doing double-duty on my processed treat consumption.

    Then I viewed this pic.

    And immediately spewcharted HoHo crumbs, milk, and drool across my computer, accompanied by the noise, “Baloggooo.”

    What’s a “spewchart”? It’s like a shart and a spit-take mixed into one. But only if it causes you to say “Baloggoo” in process.

    That’s what douchetatts, hand gesture, and a picture of American rot’ll do to a guy’s post lunch mid-afternoon snack cake break.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, April 17, 2012

    A Crime is About to Be Committed

    Fortunately for us, it’s only a crime against good taste.

    Unfortunately for us, it involves a sampler pack of breakfast cereals, a hand towel, a tube of preparation-H, a forklift, sixteen scratch-n-sniff Strawberry Shortcake stickers from 1983, a small Malayasian orphan named Pepe, and an angry flyswatter.

    Believe me, you don’t want to know what an angry flyswatter is.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, March 27, 2012

    Enrique Celebrates his Trust Fund

    Doucheface, transparent shirt and red hat is no way to go through life son.

    Paid-to-Pose Kathy has the soft tummy of gummi-bear tranquility. I would dance on marshmallow clouds dressed only in a mu-mu and a face burka just for the chance to pooch spackle her grandmother’s doilies.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 29, 2012

    Gro?

    Wristdannas for the societal punch-in-the-nads.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, December 28, 2011

    Maybe 2012 Really Is the End of Civilization

    The entire collective history of humankind’s advancement and achievement just squatted out a turd flush.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, November 30, 2011

    Wez Retires to Boca

    After thirty years on the road chasing Mad Max, sometimes it’s time to hang up your gothic postapocalyptic football jersey and enjoy a Mai Tai by the pool with a Party Chick.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, November 29, 2011

    Lando Tanktoppian

    Hellooo… what have we here?

    Oh. We have a skeezy Floridian douchegator bothering Carla and Marice.

    And you thought the douche plague was receding into the past. Silly you.

    Take in this pictorial wrongness. And realize the mock must continue.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, November 3, 2011

    “Haaayyy-ayyyy” Guy Annoys All Within Earshot

    On the upside, Hustler Sue’s made, like, at least six bucks betting “Haaayyy-ayyyyy” Guy she could pick up a Bud Light Lime using only her breasts and a midget assistant named Tuco.

    On the downside, three American hikers are still lost on the Slopes of Mount Douchemore.

    # posted by douchebag1
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