Vegas

    Thursday, September 9, 2010

    Vegas Poo


    Sometimes, when your humble narrator is too hungover to think of a clever nametag for our hottie/douchey commingle, it’s important we get back to the basics.

    Like wearing drawstring pants.

    And eating tasty Hostess products for breakfast.

    And blaming your parents in therapy for selling BooBoo in that yard sale in ’89.

    Vegas Poo is just such HCwDB basics.

    A primary pic of three choads rubbing up on a curvy suckle thigh with softness in all the squeezable Charmin places. A second pic of even primary HCwDB coupling culled from the herd.

    Back to basics. Vegas poo for your Thursday. Never grow jaded when facing the basics. Always bring the innocent eye of primary mock.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, September 7, 2010

    Great Flexpectations

    You can wear your Nike fannypack at a 45 degree tilt, Chad, but it doesn’t make you any less douchier.

    That’s just wayyyy too much choadshine on display and way too little hott counterbalance (although I appreciate Maya’s best efforts).

    Time for a Pear Chaser. Roller Pear.

    Ahhh… now I can think clearly again. And by think clearly, I mean watch TV and scratch myself.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, August 27, 2010

    The Sneery Bros Run With The Goose

    The Sneery Bros are considering renting out their temples to a Sudoku company.

    It’s sad and tragic, but not surprising, that Katie has become a Stage-3 Bleeth hanging around that twin vortex of suckage. But tatts on boobies and Jesus Bling belt buckle mean she can’t be saved.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, August 25, 2010

    Tendon Ted

    Exploding Abs. Sleeve tatts. Nipples so horrific, babies just began crying in Bangledesh.

    Tendon Ted is not an entertaining douchebag.

    He’s depressing Vegas shlort.

    Ass Pear Annie long ago gave up any pretenses and makes her money as she can, without judging the objectifications inherent in the unfettered market system.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, August 24, 2010

    Stars and ‘Bags


    Okay, for indulging my long-winded academic rant in the previous post, you deserve a reward.

    Have some Aqua Pear.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, August 24, 2010

    Battle Beyond the Tards

    Who will win this battle of finely sculpted chin pubes and hair grease for the three Trampy Hott’s sexy hearts (and by hearts, I mean boobs)?

    The battle will be epic. And by epic, I mean strangely cartoonish.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, August 20, 2010

    Friday Haiku

    In Vegas, the beast,
    Lucifer’s epiphany:
    Just another douche.

    Fawk red hair
    Fawk devil’s horns
    Ming Li wants sushi

    — mr.reeve

    Rehab Anti-Christ
    heard Jebus won a Monthly;
    answers the challenge.

    — Wheezer

    While the Old Bag slept
    His friends dyed hair with Kool-Aid
    He thought it was rad

    — Mr. White

    The “Biker Rabbi”
    Drives his Hog from shul to shul
    Free circumscisions

    — Vin Douchal

    I never wanted
    To ever have a real job
    My plan is working.

    — Wedgie

    Damn, Satan sharted.
    Forty-three is the new…douche.
    Lucifer don’t wipe.

    –Amerigo Vesdouchey

    So apparently
    Satan’s drink of choice is gin
    from water bottle.

    — Bag Margera

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, August 18, 2010

    Upside Down Glasses ‘Bag

    UDGB heartily approves of Brothabag Edgar and Josslyn winning the HCwDB of the Week.

    Kimberly just wants to find Sandra and Nicole and go to Carl’s Jr. for tacos.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, August 17, 2010

    Snowe Blonde and the Four Dwarts

    I need a new word for these four Vegas douchepustules. And so I dub them “Dwarts.”

    Part wart.

    Part douche.

    Fully herp.

    There’s Skeezy, Pasta, Dopehead and Roofie.

    Snow Blonde doesn’t stand a chance.

    # posted by douchebag1