Saturday, February 22, 2014

Reader Mail: Cristina's Pic Was Used Without Permisstion

112016

I’m gonna miss these sorts of emails.

————–
From: Cristina
Subject: REMOVE MY PIC!!

Message Body:
PLZ REMOVE MY PIC FROM UR SITE!!
A COPYRIGHT VIOLATION HAS BEEN MADE!!!

We will be forced to get a lawyer and shut down your site!

MY PIC WAS USED WITHOUT MY PERMISSTION

THANK YOU

—————–

Unfortunately, Cristina did not provide any specifics as to which pic she’s referring to.

So here’s a pic of a frog meeting a mouse.

# posted by douchebag1
Friday, February 21, 2014

Friday Thoughts and Links

unnamed (2)

I’m in a generous mood these days. So I’ll probably give Army Bob a nottadouche and a goinpeace for scoring Tonya The Hott Older Sister of Your Best Friend In Tenth Grade.

Even if sleeveless army tanktops are all sorts of 1980s festering festoon.

So’s while your humb narrs was in New York, I sat down to go an in-depth podcast with the great Mandy Stadtmiller of xoJane and News Whore. I’ve long been a fan of Mandy’s writing ever since she first interviewed me for the New York Post back in the day when my show was debuting on MTV.

And since we’re probably approaching some sort of finality around here at HCwDB, I thought it was high time to sit down and talk through the journey of my life and all things hottie/douchey dialectical. Check out the podcast here.

If you do listen, let me know what you think of it in the comments thread. I’m curious to hear your thoughts.

Anyways, and aways we go… here’s yer links:

Your HCwDB Buy Some Amazon Stuff and Help Support the Site Link of the Week: “Experience has shown, and a true philosophy will always show, that a vast, perhaps the larger portion of the truth arises from the seemingly irrelevant.”

Brothabag Leon. Still out there. Still with swirly fung.

Well, that’s one way to fight the power I suppose.

Can you dig it?

Fear the O.

200 year old douche discovered. It wasn’t Gene Simmons.

Billy Ray Cyrus’s Achy Breaky Heart 2 drips with douchal stank.

Real life Barbie wants to be ‘brainless.’

White Trash Alert: Twinkies now available at Big Lots. I love Twinkies but have never been in a Big Lots. I am half-white-trash. Gray Trash?

An abandoned high school in Detroit comes to life with photographs from the past. Eerie and beautiful.

Coitus Eye Pear.

And so we drift off into another weekend eve… the languid smells of lavendar and burning tar choke the Hollywood freeways with the congestion of a million piddle butts. And so many carry on for a two day break from a five day week with the peanut at the end of the rainbow the chance to do it all over again.

# posted by douchebag1
Friday, February 21, 2014

Friday Haiku

112015

Herpes got you down?
Try the new Valtrex™ RashStash™!
The Patch on your Patch!

Pale skinny Meghan
looks on from behind glasses
jealous of Pam’s man.

– Douche Wayne

This party smells of
Ball cheese and bad decisions
Valtrex stock to soar

– Capt. James T. Douche

Spinner’s got the bloat
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole

– The Reverend Chad Kroeger

 

Spring Break is coming
Soon these two abstrosities
Will look so orange.

– The Dude

They’ve got two tickets
to Paradise. Watch out south
NV, here they come!

Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

It puts the card in
The basket or it get’s the
Hose. The foot long hose.

– The Reverend Chad Kroeger

The ghost of Lenin
Weeps uncontrollably for
Proletariat

– DoucheyWallnuts

Jen’s sister Amy
looks on from behind. “Yeah, I
am the pretty one”

– Magnum Douche P. I.

Blortz twins’ fake IDs
Although not necessary
For a high school dance

– Vin Douchal

Girls Gone Wild guy
who said, “Show your tits!” should’ve
been more specific

– Morbo

“G-Stop Raw” has the
same initials as “Groin Shave
Reveal”;  both senseless.

– Wheezer

# posted by Bagnonymous
Thursday, February 20, 2014

Lee Tattwater's Southern Strategy

112014

Lee Tattwater is a visionary.

He has perfected the art of general douchetatt without the ability to focus on any specific douchetatt.

It’s like conceptual scrotal misdirection.

Hypnotic enough to make Runaway Kelly forget to eat for three days despite staying in a motel near the $8.99 all you can eat ribs buffet at the Golden Nugget.

# posted by douchebag1
Thursday, February 20, 2014

Old Bro Clyde Refuses to Give Up the Dream

unnamed (10)

Ski Ulrich watches disapprovingly from the vidscreen. This shall not abide.

All men approaching middle age must give up the dream and get married. So it was told to me and so it was told to the prophet Ezekiel uponst whose bread was buttered the joy of diaper change.

Bar Hott Jenny has never known insecurity. As far as you know.

# posted by douchebag1
Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Human Tourch Drops a Deuce

unnamed (1)

This Vegasian morality tale just took a turn towards stinky finger.

# posted by douchebag1
Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Human Torch

unnamed

Remember really douchey spikey hair?

Still out there.

Still silly like commando chipmunk.

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Fox Crotch

FoxCrotch

Small woodland creatures died so that this toot-‘bag could thrust his package with proper accesorization.

Neo-hippie Kelly definitely should not have gone to Bennington.

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, February 18, 2014

And Then This Happened

unnamed (9)

In a world of war, poverty, illness, ignorance, apathy, environmental disaster and Armenian cab drivers, this happened.

An event so tragic in its microcosmic metaphor as to render global catastrophe merely a backdrop for impending coital offense.

Where undies nubs hang their nubs in shame like sad alien antennae.

# posted by douchebag1
Monday, February 17, 2014

Frat Joe Lives the High Life

FratJoe

Kinda hard to hate too hard on Frat Joe.

First of all, he’s posing with classic Paid-to-Pose Hotts. Which is like posing with Mickey Mouse at Disney World. It’s no biggie, part of the atmosphere, and helps perpetuate a secular version of a religious cult built around childhood fantasies.

Or something like that.

In a related story, Amazonian Tina would Goofy my Plutos whilst Snow Whiting my Jungle Book’s Little Mermaid. If you know what I mean. Teacups.

# posted by douchebag1
Older Posts