Friday Haiku
Kim’s in denial,
But her friends all know the deal…
She’s a Panda-phile.
Hook Ups with Panda
Sex Life is sadly boring
He eats, “shoots” and leaves.
– Bag em, Tag em
Well, they talked about
Bearing Ass. Dave was unclear.
Showed up as Ass Bear.
– Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
It puts the furry
In the basket or it gets
The hose. The bear hose.
– The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Chastity Bono
Became Chaz Bono. And now
Is Panda Bono
– DoucheyWallnuts
Loading ...Inflatapeople
New!! From Mattel!!
It’s… Inflatapeople!!
That’s right, kids!!
Just add vodka, wait four hours, and let the douchey pool party begin!!*
*Only $7.99 at participating Walmarts, PetCos, and other fine establishments in the greater tri-state area.
* Consult your physician before inflating. May cause irritable bowel syndrome, rectal itch, shingles, lupus, or a total loss of faith in a just and moral universe.
Orange ‘Rus
Okay enough DD for today.
Time for us to get back to remembering what it is we mock around here.
Which is douches who run around clubs in Orange ‘Rus in the hopes of impressing real world sexy Semitic boobie proddle Rachel.
That, my friends, is unacceptable in a culture hoping to attain enlightenment.
Hallmark’s “Say it With Donk”
HCwDB is branching out into the greeting card business. I anticipate this becoming a best seller.
Suggest your best inside-card slogans to pitch our first line of cards, “Say it With Donk.”
EDIT: Here’s our leading contenders:
“The burning is only temporary. I promise.” – Ted Brogan
“Hope the tests come back negative.” – Guid is Good
“I’m sorry the bone disease has spread to your left arm.” – FredN.
“Sorry about your grandma dying or some junk. Ummm I’m sure she’s with Jesus or Buddha or whatever. Anyway, uhhh, uhhh, crap why is this so hard??? Whatevs, Hallmark cards are for fags anyway!” – Capt. James T. Douche
“Congratulations! I heard you made bail!” – Scooby Douche
“Happy Fathers Day
Whoever you are” – Creature
“Thanks for the best sex I’ve had since prison!” – DoucheyWallnuts
“Happy Birthday! I got you a bracelet. It matches the one my parole officer put on me for home monitoring.” – Magnum Douche P.I.
Words of Wisdom from Donkey Douche
————
Ladies, when ur out at a nightclub please dont walk around the club barefoot! Its disgusting and trashy, nothing like seeing a bunch of drunk slobs waddling their black dirty toes in a grimey, wet, dirty nightclub/bar floor!
*One thing that makes women sexy is nice hands and feet, well maintained and beautiful nails! Also, the “shoes”. A women’s shoes and purse/bag should be the 2 things that show taste and style for that girl! Sloppin around with dirty feet while holding a beer in one hand and your nasty shoes in the other is a NO NO! But I guess this is ok and normal ☞ at the Castle! Dirty toes and cheese fries anyone?
————-
Scrattle Bob and Sophia Enjoy a Douchey Sunset
And the baby Tebus shat in a diaper.
The Woo Bros Horrify Kelly
Sure there’s uberdouches like Donkey Douche.
But then there’s real world scrotography.
Like the Woo Bros.
Solid color polo tees and synchronized cries of “Woo.” Usually accompanied by buffalo wings and a nearby television displaying competitive sports.
They may not be purity of spectacle suckitude. But they are soul sucking decay of ineptitude instead.
The Donk Runs Free!!
Yes, folks, that’s right. The moment you’ve been waiting for.
Legendary Hall of Scrote ubertaint, the one and only Donkey Douche, is now free.
Where our scrotal legend from the late 2000s sadly got in trouble with the law, and then more trouble, justice has apparently finally been served.
And by justice, I mean ubertaint.
For the Donkster is jailed no more.
Free at last!
Free at last!
Thank groin shave all douchey, The Donk is free at last!!
Free to pump up with his bros.
Free to hang with the Chandlerbag.
Free to bust some new douche tatts.
Free to make spectacularly horrifying groin revealing douche vortex self portraits (Not Safe For Life).
Some ‘bags come. Some ‘bags go.
Only the Hall of Scroters carry on forever.
Swirly Johanssen Is in Way Over His Swirly Head With Sultry Carolyn
Sultry Carolyn toys with her prey.
For no amount of rosary bling can redeem the Swirl’s groinal aspirations.
Rainbolio Drops a Deuce at Coachella
Sweet Pam, who meticulously fulfills the casting role of Hot Younger Sister of Your Best Friend in College, knows that slumming it for a weekend at Coachella won’t get back to her quasi-BF, Bob.
That’s what she thinks.
Turns out, Pam’s bestie, Monica, actually began dating Rainbolio’s bro, Tommy, behind the glowstick selling dude on the dirt road over by second stage.
So Bob’s totally gonna find out by Wednesday.
Sorry, Sweet Pam. This Deuce don’t fly.
