Thursday, February 20, 2014

Lee Tattwater's Southern Strategy

112014

Lee Tattwater is a visionary.

He has perfected the art of general douchetatt without the ability to focus on any specific douchetatt.

It’s like conceptual scrotal misdirection.

Hypnotic enough to make Runaway Kelly forget to eat for three days despite staying in a motel near the $8.99 all you can eat ribs buffet at the Golden Nugget.

# posted by douchebag1
Thursday, February 20, 2014

Old Bro Clyde Refuses to Give Up the Dream

unnamed (10)

Ski Ulrich watches disapprovingly from the vidscreen. This shall not abide.

All men approaching middle age must give up the dream and get married. So it was told to me and so it was told to the prophet Ezekiel uponst whose bread was buttered the joy of diaper change.

Bar Hott Jenny has never known insecurity. As far as you know.

# posted by douchebag1
Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Human Tourch Drops a Deuce

unnamed (1)

This Vegasian morality tale just took a turn towards stinky finger.

# posted by douchebag1
Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Human Torch

unnamed

Remember really douchey spikey hair?

Still out there.

Still silly like commando chipmunk.

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Fox Crotch

FoxCrotch

Small woodland creatures died so that this toot-’bag could thrust his package with proper accesorization.

Neo-hippie Kelly definitely should not have gone to Bennington.

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, February 18, 2014

And Then This Happened

unnamed (9)

In a world of war, poverty, illness, ignorance, apathy, environmental disaster and Armenian cab drivers, this happened.

An event so tragic in its microcosmic metaphor as to render global catastrophe merely a backdrop for impending coital offense.

Where undies nubs hang their nubs in shame like sad alien antennae.

# posted by douchebag1
Monday, February 17, 2014

Frat Joe Lives the High Life

FratJoe

Kinda hard to hate too hard on Frat Joe.

First of all, he’s posing with classic Paid-to-Pose Hotts. Which is like posing with Mickey Mouse at Disney World. It’s no biggie, part of the atmosphere, and helps perpetuate a secular version of a religious cult built around childhood fantasies.

Or something like that.

In a related story, Amazonian Tina would Goofy my Plutos whilst Snow Whiting my Jungle Book’s Little Mermaid. If you know what I mean. Teacups.

# posted by douchebag1
Monday, February 17, 2014

Happy Presidents Day!

18026

Like a lost Vegas tourist caught passing behind an HCwDB disaster in mid trainwreck, your humble narrator is back in sunny Los Angeles.

A week well spent on the snowy East Coast.

Lots of pizza and burgers were consumed. Drinks were imbibed. Diapers changed.

Firing up some new pics for this week so we can get our mock on again. For those of you caught in yet another snowstorm, alls I can offer is this humble soliloquy.

# posted by douchebag1
Saturday, February 15, 2014

Evil Yellow Sunball Does Not Approve of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

EYS Rob Ford

Evil Yellow Sunball has now seen it all.

Yes, that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. When douching it up with the bar hotties barely holds a candle to crack videos and the cray-cray.

When the douche virus hits the politicians, then and only then will psychedelic toad save us all.

# posted by douchebag1
Friday, February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day Thoughts and Links

unnamed (5)

Yup. That’s Pert Fertile Fiona and Greaser Chadwick Von Dickhead.

Turns out the height difference wasn’t so easy to spot back in the car. But the hottie/douchey stench remains the same. Yet again cohabitating in ways that make digging out from a snowstorm seem like pointless pathos.

Albert Camus once took a poop with more spiritual meaning than these two.

They make me piddle cry weep for suckle taut waste.

Anyways. Another Friday, as the kids say. Only a minimal set of links as your humble narrator navigates the wily streets of wintery ol’ New York. But here’s ya go:

Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit After Clicking this Amazon Link to help support the site link of the Week: “I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn’t.”

RIP to East Village poetry legend Maggie Estep. The New York I knew in the 90s really is gone. But in the 90s they were bitching about the lost New York of the 70s. And so it goes.

Sharknado 2 announces its cast. I’ve already cynically live-tweeted through the whole thing in an alternate universe. Especially that part with the fake looking shark.

Here’s some old Star Wars posters you might not have seen. I would pay serious money for the one from Hungary.

Do Jewish men have a thing for Asian women? Do puff piece articles about ethnic stereotypes have a think for click-bait headlines?

Speaking of geeky click-bait headlines: Twenty five Critical Theory Valentine’s Cards

I just bought Drake’s new album. Not impressive.

You… shall not pass!

“And remember folks, the initials for Valentine’s Day are “V.D.” — Says my third grade self if I could have Tweeted back then.

Okay. Ya done good kid. You earned it:

Bronzebedpear

For how all of life should wake up.

# posted by douchebag1
Older Posts