Friday, February 21, 2014

Friday Haiku

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Herpes got you down?
Try the new Valtrex™ RashStash™!
The Patch on your Patch!

Pale skinny Meghan
looks on from behind glasses
jealous of Pam’s man.

– Douche Wayne

This party smells of
Ball cheese and bad decisions
Valtrex stock to soar

– Capt. James T. Douche

Spinner’s got the bloat
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole

– The Reverend Chad Kroeger

 

Spring Break is coming
Soon these two abstrosities
Will look so orange.

– The Dude

They’ve got two tickets
to Paradise. Watch out south
NV, here they come!

Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

It puts the card in
The basket or it get’s the
Hose. The foot long hose.

– The Reverend Chad Kroeger

The ghost of Lenin
Weeps uncontrollably for
Proletariat

– DoucheyWallnuts

Jen’s sister Amy
looks on from behind. “Yeah, I
am the pretty one”

– Magnum Douche P. I.

Blortz twins’ fake IDs
Although not necessary
For a high school dance

– Vin Douchal

Girls Gone Wild guy
who said, “Show your tits!” should’ve
been more specific

– Morbo

“G-Stop Raw” has the
same initials as “Groin Shave
Reveal”;  both senseless.

– Wheezer

# posted by Bagnonymous
Thursday, February 20, 2014

Lee Tattwater's Southern Strategy

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Lee Tattwater is a visionary.

He has perfected the art of general douchetatt without the ability to focus on any specific douchetatt.

It’s like conceptual scrotal misdirection.

Hypnotic enough to make Runaway Kelly forget to eat for three days despite staying in a motel near the $8.99 all you can eat ribs buffet at the Golden Nugget.

# posted by douchebag1
Thursday, February 20, 2014

Old Bro Clyde Refuses to Give Up the Dream

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Ski Ulrich watches disapprovingly from the vidscreen. This shall not abide.

All men approaching middle age must give up the dream and get married. So it was told to me and so it was told to the prophet Ezekiel uponst whose bread was buttered the joy of diaper change.

Bar Hott Jenny has never known insecurity. As far as you know.

# posted by douchebag1
Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Human Tourch Drops a Deuce

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This Vegasian morality tale just took a turn towards stinky finger.

# posted by douchebag1
Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Human Torch

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Remember really douchey spikey hair?

Still out there.

Still silly like commando chipmunk.

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Fox Crotch

FoxCrotch

Small woodland creatures died so that this toot-’bag could thrust his package with proper accesorization.

Neo-hippie Kelly definitely should not have gone to Bennington.

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, February 18, 2014

And Then This Happened

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In a world of war, poverty, illness, ignorance, apathy, environmental disaster and Armenian cab drivers, this happened.

An event so tragic in its microcosmic metaphor as to render global catastrophe merely a backdrop for impending coital offense.

Where undies nubs hang their nubs in shame like sad alien antennae.

# posted by douchebag1
Monday, February 17, 2014

Frat Joe Lives the High Life

FratJoe

Kinda hard to hate too hard on Frat Joe.

First of all, he’s posing with classic Paid-to-Pose Hotts. Which is like posing with Mickey Mouse at Disney World. It’s no biggie, part of the atmosphere, and helps perpetuate a secular version of a religious cult built around childhood fantasies.

Or something like that.

In a related story, Amazonian Tina would Goofy my Plutos whilst Snow Whiting my Jungle Book’s Little Mermaid. If you know what I mean. Teacups.

# posted by douchebag1
Monday, February 17, 2014

Happy Presidents Day!

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Like a lost Vegas tourist caught passing behind an HCwDB disaster in mid trainwreck, your humble narrator is back in sunny Los Angeles.

A week well spent on the snowy East Coast.

Lots of pizza and burgers were consumed. Drinks were imbibed. Diapers changed.

Firing up some new pics for this week so we can get our mock on again. For those of you caught in yet another snowstorm, alls I can offer is this humble soliloquy.

# posted by douchebag1
Saturday, February 15, 2014

Evil Yellow Sunball Does Not Approve of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

EYS Rob Ford

Evil Yellow Sunball has now seen it all.

Yes, that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. When douching it up with the bar hotties barely holds a candle to crack videos and the cray-cray.

When the douche virus hits the politicians, then and only then will psychedelic toad save us all.

# posted by douchebag1
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