Reader Mail: Criminal Abs
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Paget Brewster is one of my favorite hotties and now CBS is talking about cutting her character out of “Criminal Minds” next season – her co-star Shemar is tolerable on the show but after seeing this photo he must be officially placed in the rankings of prime time douchiness.
Shame that she isn’t looking her best……. Shemar on her…
— Aaron
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Bonus points for the Shemar pun, Aaron, but you’ll have to pick shows I’ve heard of to lament hott loss. As it is, television just hasn’t been the same since Sifl and Olly went off the air.
Brian Says Challo To Her Not So Little Friends
Yo, it don’t matter that Kristal is gettin paid by her modeling agency to pretend to be friendly, yo. Don’t let that throw you, dog!!
Cuz you’re gangsta bangin’ with the Scarface, yo!! That shizz is off the modem, broheim!! Y’all gots Jesus hand AND Pacino, dude. There is NO WAY that chick can rezist yo’ crazzzzy game!!
Wait’ll the boyz at the temp agency here about this night!! And speaking of temping dude, I hear you got a week long booking working the PHONES at Wellfleet, bro!! It’ll be… uh… off the hook!!
Montesquieu Finds A Four Pack of Love
And so does your humble narrator.
Come to me, Blue Dolphin Exotic Curvy Adventure Map Hott Martina. I would lightly massage your shoulders with raw eggs and confectioners sugar, and then we would listen to Mahler in stereo on a dual set of retro headphones my father stole from Radio Shack in 1983. And then I would praise your boobies with esoteric adjectives while rubbing my belly with a damp mixture of sand and terrycloth. And then you would call your brother to come pick you up. Which he would. While I sat quietly in the den, watching DVDs of The Wire.
Fake n' Bake
What have the Fake n’ Bake Brothers taught Jenny?
Only the true Jersey pimps have Superman belt buckles.
Fake n’ Bake
What have the Fake n’ Bake Brothers taught Jenny?
Only the true Jersey pimps have Superman belt buckles.
The Rural Wigga Boatcrust
America’s many lake shorefronts are also widely known as gathering grounds for aging hip-hop wannabe wigga douchecrusts like Albert here.
Shelley and Irene just want to fondle. Instead, Albert’s gunt intervenes.
On an unrelated note, Shelley’s back arch angle’s ratio to her perfectly formed ass pear is exactly 4.32643, also known as “Fermat’s Ass Theorem.”
The Spike Brothers Spend Six Seconds in the Presence of a Hot Chick On Her Way to the Bathroom
Six seconds may not seem long.
But it was long enough to get her to pose for the picture, bro!!!
Eat that, Frat Guys over at Gamma Sigma!!!
The Lobotomy 'Bag
It’s a paradoxical conundrum.
Does the douche too stupid to know that the other douches have switched t-shirts from “Affliction” to “Ed Hardy” actually mark himself as even more douchey for not getting the memo?
Or less douchey for sticking with his brand and resisting the herd mentality?
And is Vienna a stage-2 Bleeth (aka still redeemable) or stage-3 (too far gone to save)? And, more importantly, can I lick, then gnaw, then lick, uponst her clavicle?
The Lobotomy ‘Bag
It’s a paradoxical conundrum.
Does the douche too stupid to know that the other douches have switched t-shirts from “Affliction” to “Ed Hardy” actually mark himself as even more douchey for not getting the memo?
Or less douchey for sticking with his brand and resisting the herd mentality?
And is Vienna a stage-2 Bleeth (aka still redeemable) or stage-3 (too far gone to save)? And, more importantly, can I lick, then gnaw, then lick, uponst her clavicle?
Four Prong Skewers
Gearing up for Monday’s HCwDB of the Month, Four Prong scoffs at this week’s winners/losers, The Lake Crotch Cactii.
Meanwhile, Mandy’s body may promise “three minutes of fornicative bliss,” but her eyes say “ruined credit rating and violent death threats from a former boyfriend named ‘Crizz.'”
