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Thursday, August 12, 2010
This Week in Basebaggery: Update
Yesterday we watched the story of Texas Hot Chick Sara who got beaned and her douchey boyfriend, Bo, who smirked it up afterward.
Today they appeared on The Early Show to reveal:
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Appearing on CBS’ “The Early Show” on Thursday morning, the running Romeo and jilted Juliet hemmed and hawed when asked by anchor Harry Smith if they were still an item.
“Well, I mean it’s not over because of the ball,” she said before trailing off.
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Lets hope it’s over because of that chin fung. Video here.
Thursday, August 12, 2010The Calibag
Los Angeles is a diamond pimple on the ass of a blinged out California, a metaphor that works on so many levels I just sharted a euphemism for San Diego.
Paid-to-Pose Pamela is lickable sweatable most expensive first date hottness. I would buy her an Audi. She would smile wanly. Then ignore me to use her Blackberry to schedule a mani-pedi.
Thursday, August 12, 2010The Garden of Earthly Douche Blights
Today’s been way too heavy on hottie delights and not remotely troubling enough in revealing our societal douche plague.
So meet Stan and Luis and their three Bleethy ladies, Laurie, Carly and Mo.
Count the douchetributes that make this swill a lesson in cultural neglect.
Rosary beads, douche faces, hand gestures, Ed Hardy bikinis and stupid white belt.
It’s Dickensian in its tragedy, with a dash of comedic groin punch. But Aqua Boobies offer a ray of hope and a path for the righteous to fondle.
Thursday, August 12, 2010A Quorum Has Been Called: Tina’s Nomination for “Hall of Hott”
Enough readers have emailed that a quorum must be called.
On our agenda: The nomination of Tina for our hallowed Hall of Hott. Only five or six hot pockets make it a year, so weigh this decision appropriately.
Tina appeared last week posing with Randy Schlongson, demonstrating a perfection of leg curve and delightful hothouse hot flower angelic face of ice cream suckle gnaw.
So we have been tasked with an important decision.
Does Tina’s electrifying appearance warrant an accelerated pass to our hallowed Hall of Hott?
Weigh in with your thoughts in the comments thread.
Thursday, August 12, 2010Where’s Waldo?: Coed Spring Break Edition
Somewhere in this lineup of choice and premium coed uberhotts, I’ve carefully hidden Waldo. With no evidence he’s a “Waldouche,” we’re gonna just call him Waldo.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Mmmm… Pink bikini Paula powers Priuses with her perky pillow plumage. I approve of her college years.
Thursday, August 12, 2010Reader “E” Tags a Huntington Beachbag
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DB1,
My friends were out in Huntington Beach this weekend for the US Open and ran across this scrodal fungi.
Complete douchary going on so they had to take a pic with him, being the juice head he is without hesitation he posed for the shot. Arrogance and ignorance run hand and hand.
– E.
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Excellent hottie/douchey tag in the wild, fellow West Coast ‘Bag Tagger. And I’m pleased to see your proper use of “scrodal fungi” in your letter. Just as Heather Duke used “myriad.”
Mmm… Brunette is pleasingly zaftig, firm and a harsh and angry disciplinarian. So I get the ruler again.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010Australia Fights Back!: Ed Hardy Goes Belly Up Down Under
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Ed Hardy Operations calls in voluntary administrators
By Edmund Tadros, Business Editor
From: news.com.au
August 11, 2010 12:48PM
CELEBRITY cult fashion label Ed Hardy Operations has gone into voluntary administration, just weeks after it suddenly shut down its six Westfield stores.
The company appointed Deloitte partners Simon Wallace-Smith and Tim Norman as voluntary administrators of Ed Hardy Operations and Ed Hardy on Monday.
“The appointment only relates to Ed Hardy’s operations in Australia and not the Ed Hardy group internationally,” Deloitte said.
Mr Wallace-Smith said the brand was hurt by slowing sales and competition from other retailers.
“The aim of the voluntary administrators will be to evaluate the financial position of the companies and to investigate options to restructure the business,” Mr Wallace-Smith said.
The administrators will continue to operate six stores and shut down the remaining four stores.
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“Administrators” is Oz-speak for bankruptcy. Read more here.
Good show, Road Warriors!! There is a chance we’ll win this war between hope and hair grease yet.
EDIT: Australia’s not free of douchebags yet.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010Ask DB1: Future Scrote
Dear DB1,
At the local Sonic a few days ago, I noticed a 10 yr old boy wearing ed hardy. mocker’s instinct tells me that the kid is a douche-lett headed for days filled with hair gel and scrotastic “frat” parties at the local community college.
but then i thought to myself, does he know any better?? does he really know the magnitude of the grieco virus and what dire consequences it could have on his future lack of education??
i almost feel sorry for the kid. and if you remember in Psych 101, the biggest argument with raising children is Nature VS Nurture. so that brings me to my point: instead of mocking the kid, shouldn’t we be bringing him to the bossom of anti-chode and douche-mock? or is it hopeless due to douchey genes? and furthermore, shouldn’t we be mocking the parents or choadies who bought this crap and allowed this kid to dress this way?
Best Regards in the Fight,
– Python the Pud
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Douchescrotery is 100% a learned element informed by the culture industry, name-brand hegemony and the mass media overwhelm. As such, it can always be overcome through the study of enlightenment, the dialectics of discourse and the purity of lusty curvy boobies/ass pear.
Only the stage-3 and stage-4 ‘bags (and Bleeths) are unredeemable, those who have pushed themselves over the edge of body spectacle, with no chance of return.
‘Baglings can always be enlightened, and while mocking may be employed, it must be employed to teach through the learning tools of prolonged ridicule and extreme psychological distress, and not simply as an ends onto itself.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010Reader Mail: Addendum to The Speedo Rule
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DB1,
I’m a faithful follower of the site and I believe you are a hero for what you do. Your mocking is superb and the philosophical asides on the impending douchepocalypse I find both entertaining and a call to arms for the decent and upstanding men of the world.
I have to take exception with the speedo dude. He is a douche, but I spent my whole life as a competitive swimmer. Everyone wears those. For every big meet I was in since my junior year of high school straight through my collegiate swimming career I shaved down completely 3 times a year. Everyone does that. It’s how you prep for a meet, it’s akin to a boxer wrapping his hands before a fight. It is necessary pre-sport prep work.
I don’t spike my hair. I don’t use that axe crap (which I believe may be more dangerous than the oil dispersant in the Gulf is). I try and keep the Hots away from the dbags. I have no obnoxious tats nor do I make the awful smug looks into the camera if someone is taking a pic of me.
DB1, surely whole sport of swimming cannot be douches. Despite constant GSR at meets and speedos everywhere. Please…. tell me I have not been living a lie. Tell me I haven’t been a douche all my life without knowing it.
Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabadoo
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Well argued, JJJJS. We will make the exception for the competitive swimmer. But only when attending swim meets and/or training, are speedos and fully body shave allowed. No other exceptions apply.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010A Boy Named Poo
Otherwise known as “The Mandana in Black.” Is this pud playing “douche dressup?” Or is he real shoescrape?
Who cares. There’s Brunette Sophie.
Mmm… Sophie. Your eyes betray a grad school Lit major with a passion for vegan cuisine, Foucault, and light spankings by candle light. You know nothing about Marshall McLuhan but I’d take you to see “The Sorrow and the Pity” anyways.
