Wednesday, October 10, 2012

    Mongor Stares Into Camera

    In honor of the passing of the great Alex Carras today at the age of 77, I hearby name this douchley pubewhack “Mongor.” I will not call him “Mongo,” for that name is reserved.

    Southern Kelly clutches her iPhone nervously and titters.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 9, 2012

    Somewhere in Suburbia…

    … nothing of consequence happens.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 9, 2012

    Demetrius Sell You Rolex Good Price, Vomits on Boobies

    Demetrius make you special price, bro.

    Demetrius always take care of friends.

    Demetrius wants to know if you want to come back to his hotel room and sip bubbly, relax, and maybe make sexy time with movie camera? No no, hah hah hah, Demetrius does not mean make sexy time with a movie camera! That would be crazy, bro! Only with camera running. And Demetrius doing his sexy time. You understand now, bro?

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 9, 2012

    One Word Tuesday

    Narm.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 9, 2012

    Reader Mail: Harry Palmerbag Says Goodbye

    There’s no douchebag in this email, unless Harry falls into the category. We’ve followed Harry’s sad pursuit of Rockhell. And now it comes to an end. This sad paean to a unrequited love says much about philosoboobies:

    ———–

    Subject: Jumping The Shark In a Bikini

    First of all, it is not her fault. I blame society. I think my nine-year infatuation turned friendship devolved into pathetic obsession has jumped the shark. Rather than go into the sad details of what finally transforming me into a weak puddle of insecurities in a soft shell Kafka Bitch Beetle, I must resign as president of the Rockhelloholics Anonymous. I owe it to Her divinely-inspired Hotness. So that others can enjoy her timeless exquisite proof that God was a man without my mopey ass creepin her out, I must moveon.org and scurry out of her life like a T.S. Eliot crustacean and leave behind my dive bar bikini bartender hott center of my lost in space life.

    and maybe take up Yoga.

    Yours, (still Her’s)

    Harry Palmerbag

    ———-

    In the eternal dance of men seeking women, there is a fine line between romantic and creepy-stalking.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, October 8, 2012

    Europe

    Still highly problematic.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, October 8, 2012

    Next-Gen HCwDB

    Someday, long after this website is gone, your kids, and my kids, must lead the next generation into battle…

    For douchey mandanas will only mutate further…

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, October 8, 2012

    The Vagitarian Approves of the HCwDB of the Week

    The Vagitarian uses humor to combat the existential crisis of turning forty and refusing to face where his life went off-track into a sea of alcoholism, debt, and a failed fast-food business venture involving fried oyster sandwiches that had not been properly vetted by the FDA prior to serving.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, October 8, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Tri-Vag Dave and Real World Heather

    Last week didn’t really have any spectacularly mockworthy combos.

    So we’ll go with Tri-Vag Dave and Real World Heather.

    Heather isn’t an inflatahott, nor an ethereal party girl like Sheertina. But she brings real world cuteness. And so holds up the HC side.

    Tri-Vag Dave should know better. For that he is infuriating.

    Then again, so was Tutu Derek Smalls. And the art project that is Shminky and the Boob.

    Monday brings the Monthly. And your humb narrator brings the sugar cereal.

    Mmmm… Trader Joes discount Frosted Flakes…

    # posted by douchebag1
    Sunday, October 7, 2012

    Baby Food Gangnam Style

    While this whole Gangnam thing was played out before it began, this is kinda cute.

    # posted by douchebag1
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