Boatbaggery
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Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Where is Lars Largeman?
Somewhere on this love boat, amidst the supple curves and stinky tatts, there is a semi-concealed and very pleased Mr. Lars Largeman.
Can you find him?
Friday, July 20, 2012Jimmy "The Spindle" Torso has a boat load
When Jimmy invited the girls to play pirate, they had no idea it’d involve his sunken chest…
Tuesday, June 26, 2012Swamps of Boatbaggery Cascading Onto Shore
Environmentalists tell us our seas are repositories for swirling underwater garbage piles. Craptastic slush mounds of plastic waste and deadness.
And then there is above the water boatbaggery. Matching t-shirted frattools fondling the suckle thigh. Like human aglae fungusing the hopes and dreams of our poets and artisans.
The human equivalent.
All that can save us is Boatpear.
Thursday, June 14, 2012Breaking: Aliens Disgusted with HCwDB Boatbaggery, Vow Never to Return
Remember the alien mother ship that pondered the HCwDB Boatbaggery dilemma yesterday?
Word on the streets is that pilot Xenu took one look at Marty McPointer pointing at Barbarella Woo and was outtie.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012Boatbaggery: HCwDB Alien Hovercraft Style
Beware the Boatbaggery.
For anal probing is not far behind.
Get it?… far behind? Anal probing? Ha… ahaha…
Okay.
I need a coffee.
And boatbaggery remains utterly mystifying.
Monday, February 13, 2012Z Has More Money Than You
Fading splotches of dyed douche hair remind the world that Z will spend Aunt Thelma’s trust fund on expensive yacht parties until the proletariat drag him out from his castles and strip-tar and feather him for being an undeserving puke like, deep down, he knows he deserves.
Six pound watches and white parties for the aristocratic loss.
I don’t judge Marcie for doing what she has to do to get through nursing school. But really, I don’t judge her because I’m too busy theoretically poking side boob with a stale breadstick while greasing myself up with crisco and dancing the Watusi.
Monday, January 2, 2012Lets Do This Thing
Gearin’ up to fire up the Mock in the New Year, your humble narrator is stubbly, scratchy, and well post-imbibed from a night of half-awake revelry, cheesecake and Johnny Walker Black.
But our work is not done.
For there are Fratbros shouting “Bro!” in presence of Woo Hott Suckle Thigh.
And the intertextual mock must continue.
And Kimberly on Deck 3 likes to play shuffleboard with a large vibrating egg and black soap.
But first, a HoHo.
Thursday, December 29, 2011Mr. Boatbagus Flexes Douchily
For Mr. Boatbagus, Jesus bling and douchepose bring out even more of the hottest 19 year olds from the greater Wisconsin area.
Proving yet again, that even heaping greased up shoescrapes can draw a flock of giggle hott if they own a boat and a cooler of Bud Light Lime.
Minxy Laura grooves with taut back arch, and the pelicans of my mind swoon like candlewax.
Thursday, December 29, 2011Mr. Boatbagus Smells Like Bodyspray and Prunes
What is it with owning boats and turning into a Greasedouche? That we may never have an answer for.
Nor may we ever answer why unemployed tools living at home in their late 20s insult reality with a snake tattoo.
But we do have an answer for what Minxy Laura on the left will be doing in the perception filtered distorted reality of my future-life. It will involve calisthenics, a yoga mat, a quart of raspberry sorbet, a troupe of unemployed juggling Romanian fortune tellers, a Twister spin wheel, and a 1988 Volvo engine repair manual.
Friday, July 1, 2011Nayara and the Grapefruits
We’ll give Nayara only a stage-1 or early stage-2 doucher status for the stupid tatts, crotch-thrusting method of pose, and stupid buzz haircut.
As to the Grapefruits, like firm, lucious mellons of the biblical fruit of Moses wandering pluck slap, they feed baby suckle happy penguin feet dance like only the purest of Sissyfusian ambrosia and nectar wrung from the hand towel of Aphrodite after her last kegger.
