Eurobag
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Monday, April 29, 2013
Laser Swag
Dear Fabrizio.
I’m glad that your uncle owns stock in Ferrari. And it’s enough to earn you the temporary affections of Monica Belucci’s younger sister, Federica Belucci.
But earwig + bling + stupid hair + douche everything means you deserve societal wretch across your stupidface.
Sincerely,
– All
Monday, March 18, 2013Sheeney Head Shane Skips School To Get Craaazy With Swedish High School Girls!!
This is a scene from the Joseph Goebbles biopic, right?
Nazi references for the joke-killing loss.
It’s like the anti-humor variant of Godwin’s Law.
Besides, just because Swedes are Aryans, that does not make them Nazis. I dated a Swedish girl in my 20s. She was very attractive. Or maybe she was from Denmark. Alls I know is she was blond and had very white teeth and was an Au Pear. It was the best of times. I have no idea where this story is going. Perhaps I should have a coffee.
Monday, February 18, 2013Venicio After Dark Smells Like Horse Spittle and Old Spice
Venicio may resent that his name sounds so much like Benzino, and for that he blames the author of this site, who has recently taken to drowning his creative frustrations in a potent mixture of woodgrain alcohol and olallieberry mead.
But like an idiotic Downton Abbey car crash dictated from upon high by the Gods of Bad Soap Writing, Venicio crashes through the bromides of inane plot convention and onward toward mediocrity.
Camille’s haunting cleavite offers euphoric dreams of sunshine meadows, harpsichordian dancing squirrels, and slavic booble suckle.
Monday, February 18, 2013Venicio Blow Kiss To Camera, Yes?
Venicio like America very much. The women are divine! The food, not so much. Venicio had a plate of spaghetti yesterday from a Chef named Boyardee. It was not so good.
But that no matter.
For Venicio loves Camille as much as a newly dry-cleaned pink Polo t-shirt. She is tasty American woman.
And L.A. Looks hair product and Drakkar Noir both offer a wonderful scent to the air, yes? Like swimming off the coast of Corsica in the rain, yes?
Tuesday, November 27, 2012Mr. Bartleby Scores Most Expensive First Date Hott Adela, Dyes His Hair Blue
Europe.
Lets not go there. It is a silly place.
Monday, October 8, 2012Europe
Still highly problematic.
Gay or European?
Okay kids, time to play another round of the game that sweeping the nation (or at least parts of Colorado)… Gay or European?
The gaybag factor is high with this one. Gaybags, are you know, are generally excluded from the douche mock for posing no imminent boobie fondle threat to the hotts.
Europe spells like massage oils, attitude, and overpriced cappuccinos. Let us not go there again until the Euro is cheaper and I get over that French hottie I was dating who I took to that East Village party back who said that thing about the thing back in ’04.
Thursday, August 23, 2012Eurotimmy Is In Over His Head with Swedish Inga
Let Swedish Inga’s Scandanavian skin reign supreme as succulent servings of boobie poke proddle fondle. I would pensively drool on her shoulder with only a year’s supply of Turtle Wax to console me.
On the upside, Eurotimmy is a finalist for the Danish Bauhaus inspired digital remix of Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Newman, performed only with L.E.D. lights as the preamble to a Deadmaus rave in Dusseldorf.
H.R. Giger-esque Indian tatts eat world.
Monday, July 23, 2012Three People Who Like Bananas
And by bananas, I mean a euphemism for Matlock.
Thursday, July 19, 2012Dmitri and Yakov have Ukrainian bride for you!
Bridal Emporium take Visa and AMEX; no Discover card!
