Hawk
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Thursday, May 16, 2013
Bad Fro Days
We’ve all had ’em, Kenny the Engineer and Part Time Roadie for rising hip-hop supergroup “B12 In Yo’ Azz” (they’re big in Belgium and France).
So hells, I’m inclined to give you a nottadouche and a goinpeace.
Stephanie, I’d like to see you behind the amp highrise in section 12. We have business to discuss.
And by business, I mean my pouring crumbled saltines and melted pop rocks into your sensible-but-stylish Sketchers, swirling them with purple drink, and then guzzling the whole thing while moaning in post-priapic pre-orgasmic ecstasy like a confused wildebeest that lost its bearings during northern hunt.
Monday, January 14, 2013Kisseus Vomitorious Gets Old
Rachel knows not the spikey-flab of which she commisserates in cohabitation. For it is the odious K.V.
And the baby Ganesh took a dump on the Tebus.
Yeah, I got nothin’. Monday morning and I lost my socks under the bed. And you know what that means. At least two bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios before I crawl under there to investigate.
Saturday, January 5, 2013Comment of the Week: Aristotle
“Anybody can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy. Especially when the Sharkbag is macking on Tiny Mayan-Eye-of-Coitus Giggle Booble Fondles.”
– Aristotle
Thursday, August 2, 2012Kisseus Vomitorious Makes His Move
And by move, I mean Jesus chew.
Monday, July 23, 2012Kissius Vomitorious Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
Ever notice this greased up party clown is always photographed in the exact same position?
At what point is this preening douchewank no longer considered a viable human, and is instead simply the sketchings of a limited graphic artist?
Props to the erotical facial moan of Mona for hott counterbalance. Her pouty lips push past the disaster of her clothes-strewn, utility bill unpaid, cheap third-floor-walkup rental on the south side of Pico and Robertson (her roommates want to kill her).
For tonight, at least, her pouty lips are transcendent pooch spankle.
Monday, July 16, 2012HCwDB of the Week: KISSEUS VOMITORIOUS and naughty nape Nanine
Well, it looks like this week is going to be DarkSock Week, which is kind of like Shark Week but with boat wrecks. In other words, The DB1 was unable to post bail. Llama pens are private property; the law is the law.
So as I rush to fill the vacuum that nature abhors, you stare at the HCwDB weekly selection and simper aloud: “But…DarkSock….why is Kisseus Vomitorious awarded the coveted DB o’ the Week? WHY?”
Well…look at him. Now stop simpering.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to dig up some hottie/douchebag co-mingling photographs STAT or it’s gonna be a quiet week here.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012Kissieus Vomitorious Continues to Spread his Fauxhawk Spittle
It’s like raaiiiinnnn… on a hotties face….
It’s like goooodddd adviccccce… that isn’t actually ironic but I’m a nineteen year old ninny so what the hell do I know…
Yeah, I got nuthin’. Where’s my coffee?
Monday, July 9, 2012Kisseus Vomitorious
Or, as the Romans used to say: Douchus Ex Machina. Translation: Kissy Faux Pisses in the Sippy Cup.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012Breaking: Marissa Miller Still Married to a Twatwaffle
Just as she was in January of 2011.
And May of 2009.
And February of 2008.
This coupling atrocity will always be breaking news. Until the inevitable Divorce or Bleething occurs.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012Billy Bartleby Is Way Too Excited to Be Working Part Time as a D.J. In Sheboygan
Thought bubbles:
Billy: I hope Cheyenne is digging my sweet dyed faux. Hope she doesn’t think I’m losing my hair.
Cheyenne: WTF? Who dyes their hair and turns it into a faux when they’re going bald?
Suzanne: Are porcupines where they get porcelain from? If so, I’m totally throwing out my kitchen table.
