Vegas
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Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Translating Trent's Sumerian Pec-Tatt
“Ye who followeth the fake boobeth into the pit of dispair, will know the true meaning of little jumpy buggies hopping amongst the hairs of one’s shlongmobile.”
The Sumerians knew about shlongmobiles.
Monday, July 23, 2012Vinny Farfula Searches For His Car Keys
That’s nothing, you should see where Petey Bagotone keeps his snausages.
Friday, June 29, 2012Party Guy Cries Out with Existential "Wooo!"
No amount of ridiculous bling, ‘bag hand gestures, requisite party drugs, or paid-to-pose hott chicks can hide the creeping onus of frightful dread gnawing at the fringes and margins of Party Guy’s fractured consciousness.
You can party harder to hide cognitive breakdown, Party Guy. But it will find you by the snack machines in the lobby of the Best Western at 4am.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012Greybeard Sins Against Nature
Not in this pic, although mugging Kelly is certainly a crime. I’m referring to last night. Greybeard’s crime against nature involved two ferrets, a frying pan, a a bag of chicken feathers, sixteen towels, a large can of WD-40, and a half dozen chocolate Easter eggs.
Kelly walked in on it and now they’re seeing Dr. Finstenberger twice a week, rather than once.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012Fingers McShmucksalot Shows You His Fingers
There are ten of them.
Pink Kelly offers Power Thighs of Thunder Taut. Do not question the power of Power Thighs of Thunder Taut. They are the perfect combination of firm and soft. Strength and tenderness.
Those who have experienced Power Thighs of Thunder Taut know for which ode I sing.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012Steve…
Steve… Steve…
Eat… gym… eat… gym… eat… gym… douche…
Steve… Steve…
Corona Hott!
Crotch itch!… dented car!… emotional confusion!… screaming fights at 2am!… Steve! Steve!
Yeah, I really need to get out more.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012Screw This Crap, Pear Party!
Somewhere in Las Vegas on a Monday…
Kevin forlornly orders a Mai Tai and sighs.
Ashley dances without joy, a vague and disquieting sense of unease about the future pushed into the back of her mind through a hazy mix of alcohol, cigarettes, and regret about last night. She makes a mental note to check with her gyno when getting back home to Phoenix on Wednesday.
A listless D.J. sits on a milk crate and plays Fun’s “We Are Young” for the fifteenth time that afternoon on tinny speakers.
Manuel cleans up the used towels by the jacuzzi and thinks about moving to San Diego to live with his brother.
It’s 2:34pm.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012Let It Pee
Biker Mike Asshatsky.
Hits on Bartender Hottie Heather.
There will be a crotch itch.
Let it pee.
And in happy hour of shotness.
Mother Mary tatts to me.
Speaking words of douchedom.
Let it pee.
Let it pee.
Let it pee!
Let it pee.
Let it pee.
Just ignore the burning, let it pee, let it pee.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012Gangsta Herpsters Be Rollin', Yo
Ironic t-shirt printed bling echoing like a Baudrillardian ping pong ball filled with helium and blue paint.
