Vegas
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Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Whatever Happened to Uncle Richie and Aunt Maureen?
Now you know.
Benders in Reno never have happy endings.
It probably is best that your Dad stopped speaking to them after all.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011Mandatory F.D.A. Douche Labeling
Hmm, it’s an idea.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011Melky Uses Sense Memory To Pretend to Vomit on Ilene
As the great method acting teacher Lee Strasburg once taught, “Emotion comes from the soul. Douchebags come from Vegas.”
Thursday, August 25, 2011“2-Cap” Hits on Courtney
“2-Cap,” known to his bros at Nassau Community College as either “Mike” or “Couchsitting Mike,” blew a year’s pay for that trip to Vegas last Fall.
But for the chance to hit on curvy, perky, five feet of gigglefest Courtney, to buy her 14 dollar oyster shooters in the pool bar, and get a brief boob fondle when she got out of the pool to go pee, before heading back to the room to drop another 29.95 on Spectravision’s feature presentation “This is Not ‘Gandhi:’ XXX,” the 426 hours slinging beers at Yankee Stadium was worth it.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011Magilla Scrotilla Hits on Sophie
Unghhhhhhaaaaa Unnghhhhhaaaaaaa…. fweeeeeee!!!!!
(flings poo)
Friday, August 12, 2011Spencer Patents “Tattooed Jesus Bling”
Ever since the infamous “D.J. LaughingCow5 Jesus Bling Pool Incident” at the Hard Rock in late ’09, Spencer’d been working on a secret equation to maintain Zen Douchery in various states of submersion. Spencer has now cracked the code:
1. Waterproof Hair Gel: For that crusty look even under the most trying of liquidtorial conditions
and:
2. Spencer’s piece douche resistance: “Tattooed Jesus Bling.”
Solving two douchal signifiers at once, Bad tattoos and Jesus Bling, Spencer is now free to give you the finger and ignore Sexy Lacey’s attentions at the same time.
Thursday, August 4, 2011Dances With Crabs
The former “John Douchebar” has gone fully native in the strange land of Vegas.
Falling for both “Stands with Cosmo” and “Scratches With Itch,” the newly renamed “Dances With Crabs” plans to beat out Martin Scorsese for an Oscar, and then star in “Waterworld 2: Golden Shower.”
Wednesday, July 20, 2011BroDog Hits Vegas!
Lookout, $1 Video Poker Machine in the outer area of the first floor of the Luxor between 8:30 and 10:52pm tonight !!!
The one with the cigarette stains that’s kinda near the bar no one goes to but in front of the giant picture of Penn and Teller, yeah you, Video Poker Machine!!
Get ready!!!
It’s gon’ be off the chain!!!
Friday, July 8, 2011Buddha Took a Dump
The DB1’s Friday To-Do List:
* Brush teeth
* sniff underarms, consider wiping with paper towel
* scratch crotch
* Enjoy tasty HoHos and a fifth of the ‘Train for breakfast
* Pick up alpaca food at Bob’s Country Bunker
* View this pic, ponder the waste of what’s left of human achievement as it sinks into cultural collapse
* do the dishes
Hairpocalypse Now
I hate the smell of Vegas in the late afternoon.
It smells… like hair grease.
