Demetrius Sell You Rolex Good Price, Vomits on Boobies
Demetrius make you special price, bro.
Demetrius always take care of friends.
Demetrius wants to know if you want to come back to his hotel room and sip bubbly, relax, and maybe make sexy time with movie camera? No no, hah hah hah, Demetrius does not mean make sexy time with a movie camera! That would be crazy, bro! Only with camera running. And Demetrius doing his sexy time. You understand now, bro?
Reader Mail: Harry Palmerbag Says Goodbye
There’s no douchebag in this email, unless Harry falls into the category. We’ve followed Harry’s sad pursuit of Rockhell. And now it comes to an end. This sad paean to a unrequited love says much about philosoboobies:
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Subject: Jumping The Shark In a Bikini
First of all, it is not her fault. I blame society. I think my nine-year infatuation turned friendship devolved into pathetic obsession has jumped the shark. Rather than go into the sad details of what finally transforming me into a weak puddle of insecurities in a soft shell Kafka Bitch Beetle, I must resign as president of the Rockhelloholics Anonymous. I owe it to Her divinely-inspired Hotness. So that others can enjoy her timeless exquisite proof that God was a man without my mopey ass creepin her out, I must moveon.org and scurry out of her life like a T.S. Eliot crustacean and leave behind my dive bar bikini bartender hott center of my lost in space life.
and maybe take up Yoga.
Yours, (still Her’s)
Harry Palmerbag
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In the eternal dance of men seeking women, there is a fine line between romantic and creepy-stalking.
Europe
Still highly problematic.
Next-Gen HCwDB
Someday, long after this website is gone, your kids, and my kids, must lead the next generation into battle…
For douchey mandanas will only mutate further…
The Vagitarian Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
The Vagitarian uses humor to combat the existential crisis of turning forty and refusing to face where his life went off-track into a sea of alcoholism, debt, and a failed fast-food business venture involving fried oyster sandwiches that had not been properly vetted by the FDA prior to serving.
HCwDB of the Week: Tri-Vag Dave and Real World Heather
Last week didn’t really have any spectacularly mockworthy combos.
So we’ll go with Tri-Vag Dave and Real World Heather.
Heather isn’t an inflatahott, nor an ethereal party girl like Sheertina. But she brings real world cuteness. And so holds up the HC side.
Tri-Vag Dave should know better. For that he is infuriating.
Then again, so was Tutu Derek Smalls. And the art project that is Shminky and the Boob.
Monday brings the Monthly. And your humb narrator brings the sugar cereal.
Mmmm… Trader Joes discount Frosted Flakes…
Baby Food Gangnam Style
While this whole Gangnam thing was played out before it began, this is kinda cute.
Comment of the Week: Sierra
Sierra responds in the comments threads to the various deconstructivist mocks of her Reader Mail self-tag, Sierra Dates a Bouff:
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Hahaha y’all are awesome. The above relationship lasted 2 months. Mainy based on alcohol consumption. No my idea of country music isn’t Taylor Swift 🙂
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Read it slowly, and it is Haiku-esque tone poetry.
