Heyzoos says "Heyyyyy!"
Heyzoos likes Skynard, man.
Shen-Li’s brother is at M.I.T. and no longer speaks to her.
Arturo Has Not Heard of Deodorant
Arturo has not heard of many things.
Like quantum string theory.
And soap.
Skinny Kathy regrets quitting her job at Chotckes. But is waiting on a good interview at Flingers.
Mack the Nozzle Approves of the HCwDB of the Month
HCwDB duperlegend, Mack the Nozzle, approves of the HCwDB of the Month.
And while Mack’s life has spiraled since Francine left him and his face tatts prevented him from getting that job as the night manager at Shakey’s, he’s determined to “Party-fo-life” or die trying.
The punk ladies from the chorus of the touring company for “American Idiot 2: White Suburban Punks Buy Toilet Paper” tolerate Mack’s imbibings with fateful aplomb, and then excuse themselves to go home and watch DVR’d episodes of Bachelor Pad.
HCwDB of the Month: Trent Assholio and Luscious Larissa
Since I’m way behind on Monthlys, and far too lazy to take the time to actually hold an election around here, I’mma go with what’s deserving of HCwDB Monthly status.
And what is deserving is the purity of punchface that Trent Assholio invokes, in congress with the perfect shapely suckle taut poke grab fondle gnaw that is Luscious Larissa.
Yeah, it could’ve gone to Infectious Rick and Connie Thong Pear. They were a close second. The Craptastropher and Debutante Amy were also in the mix. But then I realized something.
Trent Assholio is all that douchebaggery imbibes. Luscious Larissa deserve booble fondle.
Together, they produce a crisis of meaning in the scrambling of signifier.
As Foucault taught us, individuals intuit and respond to systemic power control in what appears to be the agency of free choice.
There is no free choice.
We are all controlled. By Larissa Pear.
Happy Little Clouds
I believe too, Bob.
Comment of the Week: Katie
Angry hott Katie defends a douchebag in the White Party Frank Gehry Love Boat and, for the genius of misspelling “chick”, wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
——————
Actually the one in the sunglasses is a good friend of mine and is in fact not a duchebag. They were at a Visalus event which that “hot chic” participates in as well and I’m sure they are all doing way better things w their lives than anyone of you real douchebags that commented on this photo! Nice try tho!
———
Friday Thoughts and Links
Oh LarryBirdbag. How your white trash ‘stache impresses the hotties of Scranton, Pennsylvania.
Your humb narrs is back in Los Angeles.
A final goodbye to NYC. But a mental promise to the city that if/when I sell my next show, I’mma buy a condo in your overpriced nether region.
That’s the fact, jack.
So a bit light on links this week, but what are ya gonna do. I scratch myself and pontificate on the post-douchebag moment. Thank God for hot chicks.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Classic CD Pick of the Week: “Well it’s Ninth and Hennepin, All the doughnuts have names that sound like prostitutes, And the moon’s teeth marks are on the sky, Like a tarp thrown all over this, And the broken umbrellas like dead birds, And the steam comes out of the grill, Like the whole goddamn town’s ready to blow…”
Seagalbag. Still out there. Still pretending his last name isn’t Jewish by misspelling it and giving it a French pronunciation and misspelling it.
The real reason people watch the Olympics.
It’s safe to say that, in spite of the gold medals, Ryan Lochte is a bit douchey.
There is art. There is modern art. And there is the greatness that is William Wegman.
The Meyerbag. Still out there. Still shallower than a thimble full of aardvark pee.
But you are not here for boring updates of undeserving hack “celebrity” musician frauds who suck the tailpipe on the jalopy of life. You are here for pear.
Or, if you need to be pro-American in your pearabrations:
In the spirit of the games. And the fact that it’s overdue that the world admits the #1 reason one billion people watch the Olympics: hot, young, grunting, global chickas in bikinis and tight spandex.
Manuel Uses Doucheface to Hide Deep Insecurities About His Lovemaking Abilities with Kaylie
Kaylie’s youth filled celebration of female doe-eye hints at winterberries, kaleidoscopic sunrises, tangerine trees, and the DB1 hiding in her closet fondling her used gyroscope.
Friday Haiku
These choads ask the girls:
“So, What can Brown do for you?”;
Bring Small Packages…
Two giggle hotts laugh
and slip through the douche gauntlet
The bags don’t notice.
— Bilbo Douchebaggins
Wandered over from
apartments next door, to bitch
about the poo smell
— FredN.
Black-briefed Bob ponders
Age old question. “What happened
to my freakin’ nads?”
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Astronauts return
Successful orbiting the sun
now smell like poo
— Anonymous
Is this the way to
Trader Joe’s? she asks and laughs
shopping list: raisins
— FredN.
Ann giggles with Jane.
They got a bag o’ butt plugs.
Sold as ‘Ass Toners’.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
It has been until
Now a myth. The myth of the
Sewer line stippers.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Crowd Happy
Fukushima Clean Up Crew
Home Safe and Sound
— Masterfellini
“I hate Tom Hardy”
cry the rejected actors
for the role of Bane
— Douche Wayne
Chester and Lana Pose for a Self Portrait Using a Bathroom Mirror
Bustiers and Aqua Shirts suggest they are attending an academic conference on post-Derridean deconstruction in the reconfiguration of global praxis.
Either that, or the $4.99 hot wings all-you-can-eat special at Surfer’s Delight off of Pico.
