Tina and Trina in the Swampland
Clowns to the left of them.
Jokers to the right.
There they are, stuck in the middle with poo.
Yes, I’ve written that before. And I’ll write it again. So long as Tina and Trina keep getting caught in swampland cesspools of refried alpaca grain.
On an unrelated note, a belated R.I.P. to the great Gerry Rafferty, who passed back in January. Which means he didn’t live long enough to see this pic. So there’s that.
Jimbo The Crust
Jimbo the Crust has a huge thing for peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Little known fact.
Widely known fact: None of the Paid-to-Pose hotties here give a flying crap what sandwich Jimbo the Crust likes to eat.
Except Marcie. Ever since her ex-boyfriend told her she was fat and ugly, she’ll pretend to like anything if it means a dude’ll smile at her.
You figure out which one Marcie is.
Unfinished Tatt Guy Finishes His Tatt, Grows Chin Fung, Continues to Bleeth Sandy
Remember last year’s Unfinished Tatt Guy, he of douchey suburban ‘tude hitting on one of the purest of collegiate suckle thighs, the gorgeous Sandy?
Well here they are again.
A year later.
Sandy’s imminent destruction at the hands of stupid lighter tricks awaits.
And a nation rightly mourns this HCwDB tragedy, rends its garments in the proper Hebraic tradition, and spits on a clown.
For that is all that can be done to approximate justice after witness this horrific hottiey/douchey cohabit.
That and a period of pensive repose with a package of HoHos and a Mr. pibb
Hickbags Play Beer Pong, Celebrate the HCwDB of the Week
Poor Farmgirl Betty.
She daydreams by the tractor of being plucked like a dusky jewel from the closed-ended fate of her happenstance and deposited in better surroundings, with potential and future and apple cosmos like she saw on Sex and the City.
But reality intercedes. Jethro pounding shots. Summer pig carnivals. And eighteen kids milking the cows are all that awaits on the other side of that silo in the tractor race of time marching ever onward, inexplicably towards her fate.
Man, that’s depressing. Lets move on.
HCwDB of the Week: The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World and Brittney
Originally appearing in Saturday’s Comment of the Week, the name of this week’s Weekly winning (losing) douchebag comes courtesy of Douchewallnuts in the comments thread, who wrote:
“He’s never worn a shirt. Not even to church. He’s the most interesting douchebag in the world.”
Indeed he is, D.W. Indeed he is.
For creepy and toxic Groin Shave Reveal, the invention of new variations of subcutaneous vein bulge, necklace bling, six pound watch, and awful fishy fish speedo + brand name sunglasses, TMIDITW takes the proverbial douche cake.
Brittney is also tatt free purity of whiny voiced suckle thigh. But since we judge our pics only in the visual realm, and not the auditorial, her pooch suckle is spankable sparrow win.
Almost rans included The Limeys, 70s Fro Guy, and the creepily haired Marty Fungenstein and the Euro Giggles.
But pumped up poolside douchebaggery in presence of giggle blonde was too much to avoid.
Chalk up our final coupling before the next HCwDB of the Month, and your hirsute narrator for groin scratch and Raisin Bran. Cuz I’m eating healthy like that.
B4-4’s “Go Go” and the Origins of Douchebaggery
You remember B4-4 (try as you might to forget). Our 2008 winner for Douchiest Video of the Year and Canada’s contribution to global scrotebaggery, B4-4 was a “Boy Band” during the dark days of the N Sync / Backstreet Boys toxic plague of the early 00s.
Well this video just might be worse. A heaping, steaming load of crypto-gay dance moves, stupid hair spike and sheeny shaved chestery mixed with hott paid-to-pose model suckle thighs.
Never forget the origins of the plague.
For their scrotal legacy of narcissistic preen and culture suck haunts us still.
Comment of the Week: Mr. Scrotato Head
In one short comment from Thursday’s “Lifehouse” Thread, Mr. Scrotato Head tells the tale of the tragic Hottest Highschool Girl and wins the coveted Comment of the Week:
———-
The cutest girl in my high school was amazingly tight and curvy back in the day. Beautiful tanned skin, long dark hair, and piercing brown eyes that told every guy in every grade that he didn’t have a f*cking chance with her but hey, at least she looked at you.
She now has a mustache Tom Selleck would envy. Oh how the hotties do fall.
———-
Friday Thoughts and Links
Lookout, fellow ‘bag hunters!!
Douchetatts are now mutating and creating hybrid strains of ‘bag signifiers, demonstrated here by Antonio’s strange Unearned Dog Tags Tatt.
Masquerading under the tropes of military masculinity, the faux warrior with the chin pubes disgraces us all.
The ladies aren’t A-List, but what the hell, it’s Friday.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB CD of the Week: “Well, I went home with the waitress, The way I always do. How was I to know? She was with the Russians, too.”
Think Unearned Dogtags Tatt is Douchey? How about the Douchiest Tatt in All of Creation.
Speaking of douchey tatts, the actual Ed Hardy is writing a memoir. No word on if large pictures of tigers and thorny roses will be used to signify the angst of Mr. Hardy’s childhood.
And speaking of Hardy, reader Chris sends in this ‘tag of a disturbing discovery in a suburban mall parking lot.
The latest in one-joke blogs: Animals Being Dicks. One joke blogs are so lam… oh wait.
Pop Pear Quiz: There is a dog driving that car.
Here’s a cartoon that depicts the long period of ostracization that Ubiquitous Red Cup has faced from the rest of the chalice class.
Hot Llamas with Michelle Bachmann.
But you are not here for annoying politicians with oh so sexy llamas. You are here for beautifully concentric circle Pear. Enjoy:
Like two large orange slices being dropped into a bathtub.
Crack open a bottle of the Mad Dog. For the Weekend is ‘ere.
Dried Alpaca Fecal Matter
That reminds me.
Did I remember to hose out the dried fecal matter from the alpaca pen last night?
Friday Haiku
Spikey Greaser smirks,
Carmen Miranda fish lips,
Logan Doesn’t Run.
beady-eyed ballbag,
sucks scary spice to sternum,
wears casual slacks.
— Colossus of Choads
Mommy, where does Poo
Come from? You came from my box
You silver haired freak.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Cirque Du Soleil said
“He’s too douchy, even for us”
Grabs Bleeth for comfort
— The Fourth Horseman of the Douchepocalypse
Comic-Con reject.
Captain Dingle-Berry fly
Back to Ur-Anus.
— Ol’ Dirty Douche
Five Ten with the spikes
Four Ten on a rainy day
Sly Stallone Short-Bag
— Douche Wayne
Eraserhead gropes
Asian hott knows: Big trouble
in little China
— Medusa Oblongata
