Between a Pear and a Pear Place
Greasy Tony knows only two things for certain in life.
1. Tony loves the succulent and firm chompy chomp Ass Pear
2. Tony enjoys getting douchey flaming tatts placed around his bellybutton
#1 makes him a relatable and sympathetic protagonist.
#2 makes him a douche.
Todd the Ferret
So named because a ferret once threw up on Todd’s shoulder.
To commemorate the incident, Todd had the partially digested bits of plant, garbage scrapings and small woodland fauna guts memorialized on his body in the form of a tattoo.
Perky Paulina has the taut, well toned, and surgically enhanced drinkable body that exists nowhere in nature, but everywhere in the mind of a thirteen year old boy who doesn’t want to study for his chemistry exam.
Looking at you, Michael Rosenbaum of 15253 Evergreen St., White Plains, New York. Get back to studying.
Pop Quiz: The Nerd/Douche Dichotomy
Pop Quiz:
Judging on the evidence of Rusty and Nicole here, is there such thing as a nerd and a douche in the same conscriptive act of hitting on a girl by the pool, even as they feature a tattoo of silent film star Anna May Wong starring in “Picadilly?“
A. Yes
B. No
C. A number of comments in the comment thread ignoring the Pop Quiz entirely and instead asking “where’s the hot chick?”
I think I know how this one’s gonna turn out.
Gabanna Boy Finds Boobs
Sort of like when 17th Century migrant farmers discovered aquaduct technology.
Phlippy Does the “White Man’s Overbite”
But if you ever want to impale a sparrow, mid flight, just toss Phlippy in a field and have him nod.
Carly may not be A List stomach pooch hottness, but any girl willing to wear frilly stuff at the pool gets points via the beer goggle method.
Ask DB1: “The San Diego Millionaire” — Bag / Nottabag?
———-
DB1 Have a douche-adox.
The “Pacific Beach Millionaire” – AKA Jim Lawlor – is a perplexing fellow.
On one hand a giant douche attracting and exploiting the local PB hott. (if you actually live here that be a oxymoron) On the other hand as Jim Lawlor he does lots of worthy charity work.
As a LA denzien I imagine you have been to SD and PB. You will need to google and facebook him to get the picture. What would the ruling be on him?
-B Ingraham
——-
Douche. Douche. 100 Times a Douche.
Not even a debate.
I thematically flush his essence without looking in the bowl.
“Crazy Eyes Killa” (real name is Jared)
Svetlana has learned many things on her journeys in America.
Things like how to turn on a red light.
How to grill a hamburger.
Even how to say “thank you very much!” in English so good, the Mexicans at the car wash don’t know she’s Russian.
But what Svetlana hasn’t learned? That shirtless, orange, groin shave revealing club douches who call themselves “Crazy Eyes Killa” aren’t crazy. Nor killas.
Their name is Jared. And they watch too much HBO.
Dougie Clings to Fading Youth
Somewhere, in a condo apartment in Jersey City, Long Island, a ten year old girl wonders why her newly divorced daddy keeps going out at night dressed like a douche.
Don’t worry, little Tonya. Tuck yourself in and sleep tightly.
For Daddy won’t get far with that Faux. Your new mommy will not be one of the waitresses from the Dew Drop Inn.
Sons and Daughters of the Devolution: Children of the Porsche
See the Children of the Porsche.
See them spread their vile seed across this foul landscape.
Be warned, fellow travelers. Stock up on water, HoHos, cheap alcohol and pellet guns. For the Devolution is coming. And there is no hope.
The Stay Tuft Marshmallow Man Approves
The Stay Tuft Marshmallow Man may only have a moment to take a timeout for bothering Confused Connie at the Bar, but it’s long enough to say:
“Yo. I approve of Manos: the Pecs of Fate and Back Arch Marsha winning the HCwDB of the Week. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am pale.”
