Friday Haiku
Rocket Man gets old,
Gaybag exemption granted,
Near Celebupear.
Kim Kardashian.
Rich and famous. Should have been
Nothing but fluffer.
-The Reverend Chad Kroeger
And someone saved my
life tonight…with her sex tape
and her giant butt.
-Mr. White
Hear “The Bitch is Back”?
Well he ain’t singin’ it, Son.
He just mumbled it.
-Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Saturday night may
be all right for fightin’, but
not with Father Time.
-Wheezer
Pear molded from clay
Like the Kabbal’s great Golem
Elton squeaks bean fart
-Vin Douchal
Kim loves Elton John
Her dad says he was cool. John
thinks she’s a waitress.
-Mr. Scrotato Head
Who Wears Short Shorts?
Kelly’s body, enhanced by nature and abs workout DVDs is a glorious apple tree of poochable natural incongruity, and whilst I ponder the genetic variances and impossibilities of evolution, I crack hump a tree stump, then dance the watusi sadly.
Reader Mail: Kanye, Liv and Fashionbaggery
‘Bag huntress Anabelle writes in with an important celebutag:
———–
*gets herself together*
*vomits*
In a perversion of fashion, art imitates life imitates all that is rancid and douche. Fashion has always been a ridiculous circus, and Liv Tyler ALMOST ruined my favorite sci-fi book of all time so I hate her anyway (thank you William Gibson, for dodging that bullet), but I stumbled across this on the internet and it hit me in a really visceral way that the war against douche has only just begun.
Kanye West and Liv Tyler were caught wearing the same EdHardy inspired, GIVENCHY designed t-shirt during Paris fashion week.
DB1, is this a freak incident or are we bound to see more respectable, ground-breaking, classy designers go the way of the Grieco?
Unsettled
Wants to Unsee
– Anabelle
—–
It is a sign that our war on the douchepocalypse is entering a dangerous and ominous time, ‘bag huntress. But for the shout-out to William Gibson and the important work you’re doing in mocking from afar, do not give up hope.
We fight on. Together.
The Screaming Oh
Look closely… do you see it?…
There!… In the corner of Jennifer’s eye…
You see it right?…
That brief glimmer of recognition that accepting Jeffrey The Hardware Store Owner’s marriage proposal was a horrible, horrible mistake.
Sorry, Jennifer. All that awaits you in your future now are repetitive shopping trips to CostCo, SUVs in the driveway, the sound of lawnmowers all day, and nasty pre-teen children who, like, totally hate you both.
Lineup of Dismay
“Woe Canada” continues to occupy an (un)hallowed place in our tracking of global douche culture. This confederacy of douches brings great shame to our neighbors in the great white north (Ooooooh lu ku ku luuu ku ku ku).
Now attemping to outdouche even Outbreak points like Vegas and New Jersey, the areas of Toronto may need quarantine, Outbreak Style.
Once More Into the Bleach
There are many ways Douche and Bleeth can entertain themselves at the Jerzey shore.
They can flex and pose, as we see here.
The can practice lifts.
Or they can repose with a tasty Bud Light Lime on a flexy boat net.
Apologies for the lack of hott, these pics amused me too much not to run, so to make up for it, have some Glorious Soccer Pear.
Reader Mail: Jason Adler is Unclear on the Concept
—–
Many of the stores we work with are looking for bags like yours but they need better pricing. Can you offer discounts if larger orders are placed?
If you can wholesale your products would be a good fit. For more info go to http://www.sellbeyond.com/sellers.php We guarantee sales.
Sincerely,
Jason Adler
Director of Merchandising
SellBeyond
21520 Yorba Linda Blvd, Suite G
Yorba Linda, CA 92887
—–
Any warehouse to ship ‘bags in large discount orders would have to be established in Long Island.
And by ship ‘bags, I mean overseas. Preferably to a small island without internet service or females.
Goldilocks and the Three Bores
Aesop just bitch slapped an arthritic Nun and cursed the Godless darkness of existential crisis.
There Are Many Things Not Worth Seeing in This Life
Triple X Groin Shave Reveal on a strangely lumpy Oldbag by the pool is one of them.
When Candi on the right giggles, she jiggles. Like Jello. Mmmm. Jello.
So we got that going for us in this pic. Not sure it’s enough.
