Droopy McPointer Points
Droopy McPointer likes to be near the hot chicks of Orange County.
And, when he gets near them, Droopy likes to point at them.
Droopy’s father and grandfather approve of Droopy’s pointing ways.
Haylie Gets Fondled In Bryan’s Basement
High School Haylie can’t believe her parents are letting her hang out in Bryan’s basement.
It’s like so cool!!
Bryan’s parents like made a fortune in refrigerator sales, and, like, his basement is the social scene for 11th grade in all of the greater Indianapolis area!
Wait’ll Haylie tell her besties tomorrow! She’ll leave out the part involving awkward groping and douche sandwich crush.
HCwDB of the Week: Billy Dee Willhelm and Champagne Katie
Lets get all Presidents Day up in this corpuscle!
Last week had some Ferret. Some Eurobag. Some Orange Flush And the return of Brothabag Leon.
We also extrapolated our developing theory of the importance of understanding the Mayan “Eye of Coitus” in all its permutations.
But in the end, it was tight sweater greasehead and tasty bottle hott for the win (loss).
Perfection of female form in the tiny slinky flapper girl of 1920s prohibition party that is Champagne Katie.
Nor should we underestimate the Colt 45 Doucheness of Billy Dee, wallet chains, stupid rings and rosary bling combined.
As with last month’s Monthly winner, it’s important for us to remember that hottie/douchey dialectics require both the punchworthy douche-face as well as the tasty shoulder gnaw female taut bobble.
And we cannot discount the second appearance of Billy Dee and Champagne Kate. Champagne Kate Makes Her Hott Pose, while Billy Dee hits on a lady in the background.
However, Mr. Biggs dissents from my pick, writing in with a strong argument for for Che Tattvara and cross-eyed Kate:
—-
Reminiscent of the couples who’ve ruined so many once decent hangouts here in LA, Che and Katie rip wormholes through American culture like a leaking BP gusher. Che’s tattoos are a scrambled mess that are a fuck-you to anyone who wears tattoos as an ideological conviction. It’s purely to attract hott, as evidenced by the open shirt. Do I even need to get into the Che cap and beard? The guy’s probably a Tea-Partier if anything.
And that brings us to tasty yet cross-eyed Kate, who’s just as spiritually cross-eyed. She’s the kind of girl who’s been dolling herself up for debutante balls since she stole mommy’s lipstick at age 6. And now she’s getting herself into all the hip hangouts. Of course she has no clue what she’s getting into, only that El Che fills the bill in spades.
—–
Well argued Mr. B. But this was and is the Lando of Calrissians of douchebaggery, and the Millennium Falcon of boobies.
Chalk up Billy Dee and Champagne Katie for our next slot in the next monthly on this President’s Day. And your scratchy DB1 to munch on some bagel with smear. And by smear, I mean gouda.
HCwDB Fight Night: The Shish-ka-‘Bag and Karmic Justice
Three minutes of Middle Eastern Turkish Douche Dance.
Followed by justice.
Pop Quiz: Guess What It Says On The Back of Clownboy’s Shirt
Clownboy wants you to come at him, bro.
But what does it say on the *backside* of Clownboy’s shirt?
Is it:
A. “You Jelly?”
B. “Bros Before Hos.”
C. “Pump Fists Not Gas”
D. “My Vocabulary Is Limited And My Anger Issues Are Unresolved”
Friday Thoughts and Links
HCwDB of the Month winner, The Gynochin, has ditched Brunette Rhea for Hippie Hillary, a downgrade perhaps, but a tasty and bright morsel of thigh chomp in her own girl-next-door way.
But the popped collar kissy lips douchey of the ‘Chin remind us of a worthy Monthly winner building his case. Who will join him? Some quality submissions this week, and your humble narrator feels his mock impulse sated.
In other site news, the new spam filter is inexplicably holding up some comments from appearing, so if there’s a delay between your post and it actually showing up, I blame Donkey Douche.
But the genius of the threads is what keeps me going, so keep up the always amusing daily articulations of the mock.
And on that note, I begin drinking. Or continue it, depending on your point of view.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “A strange man defecated on my sister.”
In the Jerz, even the drunken late night brawls are douchey swamplands of homoeroticism and hair grease.
L.A. Hipster Hotties, “Garfunkel and Oats” produced an official video for their track, This Party Took a Turn for the Douche. Denis Leary approves.
S.I. swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker punches holes in my soul.
High tech videocamera technology, boredom and a Vegas hotel room all collaborated to create something pretty damn cool.
This is what happens when Grieco gets in the Grotto.
Were there douches in the middle ages? Sort of.
Mylie Cyrus. Former Jailbait + Ducklips = Why I don’t write about celebrities very often.
From the latest in one joke blogs that’ll quickly be forgotten (five years after they said that about HCwDB), I give you Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber.
But you’re not here for meta-comments. You’re here for Pear. And here ya go:
For the Sista Hott loves among us.
Go forth unto eve, and do good. And by good, I mean boobie brush when reaching for the salt.
Aqua Poodha
Stripey aqua shades and “Fleur de Lis” shoulder pads may please Pierce Patchet at the Night Owl Diner, but it remains a stage-3 violation of clubwankchoadery
Rocker horns Darla should not have taken her younger sister to be humped by such an atrocity. The road to Bleeth has begun.
The Greasepitz Take a Break
Sometimes all that douche bronzin’ to hit on the housewives at the “Male Social Revue” takes a lot out of a guy.
And ya just gotta kick back and relax with some of the chorus members from next door’s Cirque du Soleil show, “Overe Priced Shite.”
EDIT: Whoops, had a premature pubjaculation this morning before the Haiku. Now it’s ready for collective mock.
Friday Haiku
Feldman and The King,
With Harem of Giggle Hotts,
Dream a Little Dream.
3 girls in this pic
Not even close to born yet
When Goonies came out
— jonezy
Misuse of water:
instead of drinking it, please
pour it on boobies.
— Wheezer
Wednesday I lost job
Today I see this picture
Tomorrow shooting spree
— MC 900 Foot Douchebag
With “The Lost Girls”
on the set of “Meatballs 5″
Feldman still a douche
— dknutty
Old Johnny Cougar,
Clings to his washed-up career,
Yo, “Get a Leg Up”
— Rockabilly Johnny and the Electric Foreskin Benders
Yul Boner stars in
Timeless musical classic
The King and Pink Eye
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Descartes Said, “I Am.”
Dochieous says “I Am Poo.”
Feldman Snorts Another Line
— DoucheyWallnuts
Bachelor party?
Guests won’t throw rice at wedding
but Valtrex instead.
— Eliza Douchecoo
Mandarin Orange is Still Mandarin, Still Orange
At least now we’ve confirmed that 2010 Douchie Award finalist for Orangest Orange, (barely losing to Dr. Redderick Lobster), The Mandarin Orange, is still tanning at Nuke ‘Em High.
Oh lithe brunette under eating and slightly malnourished Valerie sisters. Your crazy eyes suggest a steep downhill descent into anti-depressants, child support payments and alternative therapy treatments for most of your 30s. But for now, you “Woo!” with curvy and taut aplomb. And so I approve of your Wooery with lusty gaze and slight thigh itch.
