The King Continues to Reign
While other legendary douchechoads began to age at exponential rates while chasing the party hotts, the King remains unperturbed.
Here we find the King discovering the greatest set of gnaw legs since KFC introduced spicy hot wings in 1991.
With greasy hair and chin pube, the King is a douchal force to be reckoned with.
Dieter Von Choaalsmark
He has ways of making us talk.
And they involve tanning beds.
But props to Bridgitte for perfecting the Chantal Goya in Godard’s Masculin Féminin hair.
Yeah, that was a reference to 1960s late Nouvelle Vague cinema. I need a coffee.
Kylie discovers Male Strippers are Shiny, Tatted and Orange
Yet giggles anyway. So sad.
And, as we know, there’s only one male stripper who’s ever earned a total and complete nottadouche pass for boldness of vision in use of a hot dog bun.
His name is Nick.
Or is it Mr. Dick?
Tom Hanks, take us away.
Here Comes the Spiker, Doo doo doo doo…
From June of last year we’ve been monitoring aging, broken-down rocker douche haunting the clubs in search of tasty barely legal pahoitytoit.
But we do not judge The Spiker for oggling tasty barely legal pahoitytoit.
We judge him for spreading toxic skull grease in presence of stunning Librarian Hott Lauren.
Yes, you, Librarian Hott Lauren. Your Mayan Eye of Coitus sends ladybugs into spontaneous fits of addled joy and spontaneous combust. I would only hesistantly thigh massage and brief suckle until you grew weary of my efforts, and then I would run off to cry for the crisis of meaning in a world caught in transnational geoglobal crisis until you called a cab and deleted me from your cell phone.
Che Tattvara
Viva la stupid tatt revolucion!!
And la undies poke!
Mmm… Cross Eyed Katie on the verge of turning sexy mom-like but still doesn’t realize it… how I’d Marxist her Trotskys from many different Engels.
Brothabag Leon and Posse Welcome All Chin Pube Pretenders
Yesterday we saw The Ferret attempt innovative chin pubal shave maneuver.
But it was nothing. Not compared to increasingly legendary HCwDB facially douchumphant Brothabag Leon.
For we are reminded of what it takes to perfect the craft of doucheyface, while crushing quality if douchetty suckle thighs Pamela and Andrea in a triple douchewich press:
Dedication.
Lack of employment.
At least sixteen different tools of sculpting and shaving ability. Preferably made out of sterling silver.
Residence in Florida, Arizona or parts of Long Island. At moms’s house. ‘Till the training career takes off.
We’re looking at years of facial sculpt in service of hot chick annoyance.
Hmm… A Hall of Scrote nomination perhaps? The dedication to craft is impressive.
Random White Guy On Stage at a Parliament/Funkadelic Show
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Hottie/Douchey mocking to witness a random white guy doing the White Man’s Overbite on stage at a Parliament Funkadelic show.
George Clinton is not amused.
Tony Punchmyfacekowitz
Another sibling from the Punchmyfacekowitz clan, Tony and his best bro, Anthony, have perfected the performative art of name visualization.
Leopard Jenny is another lady to offer me the Mayan “Eye of Coitus” and for that, I graciously pooch her belly with half chewed jelly beans and an acidic port wine chaser.
“The Eye of Coitus”
For the past week we’ve seen a few references to the ancient Mayan holy concept of the “Eye of Coitus.”
Since it’s a late nite HCwDB post, of which I’ve been remiss about doing lately, and all you fellow ‘bag hunters deserve a treat for hanging out with me tonight, I thought I’d give you one:
A douche free post.
Featuring lovely angelic Pear.
And also an academic illustration of “Eye of Coitus” as envisioned in the carvings and priestly incantations of pre-Conquistador Mexico.
But if you still need a dash of douchal counterbalance, there’s always this guy.
EDIT: Swapped pic with an even better example.
The Ferret Nibbles
This pic of odious clubclown The Ferret may or may not be The Starhawk, as the inbred overbite and chin pubes suggest.
Alls I know are innovative chin pubosity is rare in the days after Brothabag Leon or Triple Fung, yet The Ferret manages to pull off innovation amidst asswipery.
Aryan Donna long ago crossed the line from potential sexyness to disciplining me with a barbed-wire billy club for cutting in line for extra soup during visiting hours.
