Caption This Pic
Busher Von Chin’s career as a human toxic mold tester got off to an auspicious debut when he found ‘Cienowskia Reticulata’ on Sandra’s party shoe.
Ask DB1: Is Meathead Autodouche?
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Boss,
The site is becoming disconcerting to me. I get belittling doucheness, and believe me I’m all for it. So, I’m just going to put this out there:
I am a meathead.
I love being a meathead, and even compete in powerlifting competitions.
I don’t have abs, and I dress normal.
I don’t walk around with my shirt off, or distribute any other characteristics of douche.
However, it seems that more and more I log on and there is all this talk of “roid this” and “gym guys that”. So when did meathead = autodouche?
I mean you would think the cause would want more guys like us on your team. We will quite literally destroy that that is douche, with much ferocity. Some comments on The JordanBag, as well as the Planet Fitness commercial you posted the other day have kind of set me off.
Take the Planet Fitness commercial you posted a while back.
OK, “I pick things up and put them down” guy was douche, but it was a commercial. The guy probably isn’t like that all. Most meatheads I meet are honest hardworking educated guys like myself. I have a B.S. in IT, work in an office, and destroy my body on my off time. Why? Because I like being freaking huge and I like lifting really heavy shit.
I don’t find that in itsself douchy. I’m modest, so if anyone asks me about “working out” I usually just brush it off with like a “oh, i get to the gym when I can” comment. Because they won’t get me.
If I where to walk into a gym that had a little boy showing me around like the commercial of Planet Fitness, I would turn around and walk out. The same as anyone else would if they walked into a hospital and some pimple faced little kid said he would be performing your appendectomy today.
– Pumping Ira
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Well argued, P.I., and I agree that meatheadery is not autodouche. What is autodouche is excessive display of the male body for the purposes of peacocking spectacle and narcissism.
Provided you do none of these things, your weight lifting prowess is fully forgiven. And when Mecha Hiney Ho comes to pummel my ass, protection would be appreciated.
Ronnie the Swamihead
Vacuous. Shirtless. Semi-employed. Monosyllabic.
What are… things Ronnie the Rivethead remains no matter how many clubby costume changes he goes through.
Wuh huh huh huh huh.
Thank you, Ed.
The Wank
Some douches hitting on girl-next-door real world tasty Rachel Hotts like Rachel Hott here deserve incisive and elaborate critical deconstruction.
An erudite textual and thematic analysis engaging post-structuralist understandings of the generative modes of consumption read through a Birmingham School audience studies analysis of the meaning significations of their myriad cultural violations.
Others are simply wank.
Like this guy.
Wank.
The Sharkbag is Ready for His Closeup
An eagle eyed reader writes in having caught 2010’s HCwDB of the Year finalist and recent entrant into our hallowed Hall of Scrote, The Sharkbag, making his television douchal debut on some taintfung spreading show called “Bad Girl’s Club.”
I don’t know what this show is.
And yet, somehow, I do. For it is pudly.
EDIT: Note that The Sharkbag, of course, Runs with the Goose at all times. And by Runs with the Goose, I mean exhausts his trust fund at a rate his family accountant frowns upon.
Yankee Doodle Doodie
Yankee Doodie went to town
A-douching like a phony,
Stuck a feather in Kendra’s Butt,
And called it “Mac the Homie.”
Reader Mail: Retro Douchery
Inspired by Sunday’s clip of 80s classic Just One of the Guys, comes this email tag from the heartland:
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Greetings from the Heartland of America!
I know what you’re thinking, douches in the Midwest? Never. Well the scrotes from the coasts have invaded and they have hit the jugular of the United States with force.
WE NEED YOUR HELP.
This is what happens when you throw an innocent get together at your house. That guy on the right? My roommate. Please oh please let him know what he is doing to himself. I’ve tried, many ah time, but he is too daft.
Sincerely,
– The First Secretary of the Non-Douchery
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The first step of the mock, TFSotND, must be taken at your end. I can only highlight the stupid shirtless cherry tattedness in presence of the barely legals. You must take it from there.
Stephanie and Suzanne Meet The GreasePitz
And learned, first hand, what bronzer, groin shave reveal and part time employment at Jiffy Lube smells like.
Hint: It does not smell like victory.
Busher Von Chin
Busher Von Chin has learned many lessons in his many years of chasing the Miami Hoochinas and their quality tight boobage.
But first and foremost, Busher Von Chin knows that seduction comes down to one thing, and one thing only.
Perfectly symmetrical pink silk mandana.
Carla and One Bro ™ Enjoy a Highly Contrived Beach Picnic
Carla and one of The Bros ™ from last week’s HCwDB of the Week winning Carla and the Bros ™, is now enjoying a picnic with non-Sabio and often ignored “Guy on the Left.”
Guy on the Left is one of the lesser douches from The Bros ™, a pud that received little mock upon initial appearance.
Apparently feeling ignored, Guy on the Left is determined to make inroads in terms of mockworthy spectacle, by taking the Carla seduction to creepy and highly contrived levels.
And so he lights votive candles.
And unbuttons his creepy silk shirt.
Numerous readers have lalso alerted me that Carla is the one and the same as featured in 2010’s legendary The Mountinis. As is Guy On the Left. But not Sabio.
Woe, Canada, indeed.
