Friday Haiku
I’ve seen this movie,
Harry Lime in “The Third Douche.”
While Beth wears Shrek wipe.
Green scrotumtroll poo
Leaves trail of spray tan on hot
Morn soiled rib fruit
— The Baggernaut
What Troll bag doesn’t
Know, is that you must be this
Tall to ride Ms Beth.
— Dicy
Green Giant butt Q-Tip
tells hott if bear ask does poo
stick to skin, say no!
— creature
For just one dollar
You too can crap on a hott
But there’s a troll bridge
— Ex Douche Machina
David Littleman’s gap
not all that galls and chafes her;
Stupid people trick.
— Wheezer
I would sniff the hell
out of that tank top just to
be close to her chest.
— Bagnonymous
Nancy wears results
Of feeding her horse Taco
Bell’s new Tortada.
— Amerigo Vesdouchey
King Douchuous the IV Spikes Onward
It is clear as we move through 2010 that while many douches might rise up for a brief time while pursuing the hotts, only to burn out in an implosion of Axe Bodyspray and L.A. Looks hair gel, the true legends of mock are marked not only by douchosity, but by longevity.
And by longevity, I mean a lifelong commitment to being total assclowns.
Even as they get more and more leathery.
We’ve seen HCwDB legends the Donk, Xenu, Joey Porsche and Smoot carry their “game” into 2010, and now here’s Hall of Scrote legend King Douchuous the IV, proving his kingdom of pudwack continues to reign over the party blonde suckle thighs.
Average ‘bags drop by the wayside. Get jobs. Wash out the gel.
But not the legends. They scrote onward evermore. And so we are there. To to laugh at the silly hair.
Honorary Douchebag of the Month: The Times Square Wannabomber
Well, yeah, Faisal Shahzad is a douche for trying to set off a bomb. But he’s really a douche for what the A.P. uncovered in the subsequent investigation:
—-
The adjoining hobby room was empty – but landlord Stanislaw Chomika said it was once dominated by Shahzad’s pet project: A scale wooden replica of a mosque, now seized by federal officials.
The terror suspect’s most obvious nods to Western culture were a well-worn Mets cap and a can of Axe body spray – a favorite of teenage boys.
He had no TV or radio but owned a DVD of the hit George Clooney movie “Up In The Air.”
—–
Axe Bodyspray and “Up In the Air.” We missed the warning signs.
Reader Mail: The O-Face
—-
DB1,
I’m friends with the thicker babe on the right, and once I saw this picture, I knew it was worthy of being on your hilarious site! For some reason, I just want to give both girls great, big, 5 minute-long…hugs.
Just hugs. That’s it.
If I ever had a chance to do so, I know I’d hear Joanna Newsome playing in my head while a rosy, hazy filter enveloped my sight. And I pray that these lovely girls didn’t indulge “O-Face” and his persuasive, sans-serifed shirt with ginseng root chain, but I’m (really) afraid they did…
– E.G.
—-
“Ginseng root chain.” I don’t know what that is, but somehow it says it all.
Good tag, E.G., and may you someday get that “hug.”
Billy Has a Thought
“If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?”
The Raisin
The pec tatt reads:
Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of douche, I will fear no prune face; for thou art with me; My rod and my nads, they shrivel like roasted tacquitos. But do not judge me. For I had a long day at the office and am a tad constipated.
HCwDB: Jenga Style
I always wondered what was going on inside that Jenga tower.
Billy Corsican
For Billy Corsican, nothing slays the Hottie Rabbit of Caerbannog in the Grotto where Boys Play quite like the Holy Chest Grenade of Scrotioch.
Or, if mish-mash confused references that oscillate between Python and early 90s Grunge Douche isn’t your thing, this guy is a ‘bag because he’s dressed like a medieval pirate with an orange chest shave.
Playboy Pam is working her way up the Hef Chain like an ambitious pre-coital Barbie Benton.
'Bag Libs: Yo Jimbo Edition
Yesterday’s HCwDB ‘Bag Libs game produced a hilarious thread, so lets keep it going:
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his _____, it was the way his _____ was always able to ______.
Fill in the blanks in the comments thread.
‘Bag Libs: Yo Jimbo Edition
Yesterday’s HCwDB ‘Bag Libs game produced a hilarious thread, so lets keep it going:
Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his _____, it was the way his _____ was always able to ______.
Fill in the blanks in the comments thread.
