Hall of Hott: A Quorum is Called
Numerous readers have written in requesting a quorum to discuss nominees for the Hall of Hott, with three finalists emerging.
I believe one of the standards for earning a spot in our hallowed halls is longevity — a douche or a hott who stay with us. For the douche, like a skin rash or a meal with too much cheese. For the hott, like a warm sensation in the nethers, either an itch or a sunburn. Therefore I usually like to wait a few months before inducting a new member.
But these ladies have all proven dedicated fans. Who keep emailing the DB1 demanding satisfaction. And by satisfaction, they mean our collective pixel paw.
I put it to you, Greg. Which of these three should we allow entrance to our hallowed Hall of Hott?
Hipsterbag Harold’s Corrie
Corrie brings with her the wholesome unpolluted hottness of lilac scented body cremes and many “just friends” slamming their heads in car doors as she blithely traipses about campus in a miniskirt with a pokey bra.
Corrie is the hottie who will laugh at your jokes.
Play xBox.
Leave you the last tater tot even though she didn’t each lunch. And tater tots are tasty.
She is real world drinkability and collective knee fondle.
Freddie Von Gimp’s Brenda
An early favorite to make the Monthly, Brenda’s uberhottness was not enough to carry Freddie to the finish line in the face of Jed The Creepy Wankscrote.
Brenda is lovely and ethereal.
I desire to paw her collection of South American cooking books which she likes to use to make spicy dishes with the stainless steel kitchen set her uncle Frank bought her after she graduated from Penn.
Yeah, I have no idea what I’m writing.
But she is purity of gnaw.
Dr. Rosentongue’s Maureen
Maureen is a bit more challenging as the glasses hide the face.
But what we do know is greasy slide of greased up sliding into belly button goodness and the girls sing “do de do de do, do de do do, de do, de do, do de do do, de do, de do, do de do dooooo…”
Sax solo.
Mmmm.
Should all three go in?
Two?
One?
None?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments thread. And a new Hall of Hott member, or two, or three, may be virtually enshrined through collective fondle.
Jack Skullington Glares
HCwDB legend Jack Skullington is still out there.
To serve.
And protect.
And grope the hotties with his rad Mercedes arm tatt and stylin’ leather wrist straps.
Kaylie requires a belly pooch. And I volunteer. Because, for love of country, I must pooch.
Ask DB1: "Daddy what's a douche?"
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Dear DB1,
On the way to school yesterday morning, a song comes on the radio with the title of something like “I am in Love with a Douche.”
My 7 year old daughter asks me, “Daddy, what is a douche?”
And I stared into space, not knowing what to do.
I mumbled something about “a douche is a very vain man his into really into the way he looks” and then head faked her with a package of Ho-Ho’s. Can you please provide some parenting advice? Usually I would say honesty is the best policy, but can innocence not be spared?
Signed,
Daddy Douche
—-
Children, especially young girls, must be introduced to douche mocking at a very early age. This should not be hard, as usually by the third or fourth grade, uberbags have begun to assert their nascent assholic masculinity on the playground.
Teach the young ones well. Do not couch the truth. Guide her well, and she will mock for a lifetime.
Ask DB1: “Daddy what’s a douche?”
—–
Dear DB1,
On the way to school yesterday morning, a song comes on the radio with the title of something like “I am in Love with a Douche.”
My 7 year old daughter asks me, “Daddy, what is a douche?”
And I stared into space, not knowing what to do.
I mumbled something about “a douche is a very vain man his into really into the way he looks” and then head faked her with a package of Ho-Ho’s. Can you please provide some parenting advice? Usually I would say honesty is the best policy, but can innocence not be spared?
Signed,
Daddy Douche
—-
Children, especially young girls, must be introduced to douche mocking at a very early age. This should not be hard, as usually by the third or fourth grade, uberbags have begun to assert their nascent assholic masculinity on the playground.
Teach the young ones well. Do not couch the truth. Guide her well, and she will mock for a lifetime.
No More Patrick Pooing
Yesterday’s Patrick Pooing writes in:
—-
Where in a picture on your website and would like it removed straight away.
The picture is named ‘Pactrick Pooing’ updated on your site this morning – 28th at 9.21AM.
I don’t know how you got hold of this picture, it is a private holiday picture and the comments have been very upsetting for my girlfriend I would like it removed immediately.
—-
On behalf of the comments threads participants, I know that where sorry.
Mr. Fromage
Kim hates her uptight Korean father because he won’t shut up about how she needs to go back to school and finish her nursing degree.
Mr. Fromage hates calico cats.
Attention RSS HCwDB Readers!!
If you’re seeing this message and wondering why your RSS feed hasn’t posted any new HCwDB posts, it’s because you need to RESUBSCRIBE to the feed. Since I’ve moved the site over to WordPress, alls ya gotta do is click here, or go to:
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/feed
And sign up to whatever aggregate thingy you’re using. Sounds easy? Not as easy as Purg Hottie will be once I ply her with some ‘Train.
Come join HCwDB again. We’ve missed you.
Chin Trickle Charlie
Okay, since you indulged my Nik Ritchie rant, have some Chin Trickle Charlie mock.
But more importantly, step back and appreciate the aesthetic attributes of the Angie Twins. Who demonstrate that large breasts curve space/time and prove Einstein’s Red Shift theorem through pants fondle dark matter.
Wholesome fondle thigh to the ankle bite when they jiggle poke the undies thwap.
That last sentence may not have made sense.
Then again, maybe it did.
I feel like this pic ran on the site before, but I’m hung over, so I’m going with it.
Breaking: Internet Uberdouche "Nik Ritchie" fulfills Goal to Become HCwDB Crap Sandwich
Perhaps the biggest testes gargle on the internet this side of Arthur Kade, the loathsome uncreative vortex of suckage, “Nik Ritchie,” who “runs” thedirty.com, married Lorenzo Lamas’s daughter in Vegas after knowing her a week.
This fulfills Mr. Ritchie’s lifelong dream of becoming the HCwDB ubercrap sandwich his spiritual limitations long ago defined as the be all, end all, of self inscription in the pop culture babbleverse.
This odious clown has been ripping off HCwDB’s pics and concept for years. First in his old site, “Dirty Scottsdale,” and now as the gossip peddler of college catfights. Mr. Ritchie deserves every bit the inevitable crash and burn awaiting his pablum sucking lifestyle of attention whoring desperation.
No Nik, the Hollywood agencies won’t sign you. Not even if you marry z-list celebrity spawn. But keep harassing them for months with phone calls containing all your genius ideas for the next “Girls Gone Wild.”
Or your reality pitch, “How to Take a Mugshot Like a Champ”.
Breaking: Internet Uberdouche “Nik Ritchie” fulfills Goal to Become HCwDB Crap Sandwich
Perhaps the biggest testes gargle on the internet this side of Arthur Kade, the loathsome uncreative vortex of suckage, “Nik Ritchie,” who “runs” thedirty.com, married Lorenzo Lamas’s daughter in Vegas after knowing her a week.
This fulfills Mr. Ritchie’s lifelong dream of becoming the HCwDB ubercrap sandwich his spiritual limitations long ago defined as the be all, end all, of self inscription in the pop culture babbleverse.
This odious clown has been ripping off HCwDB’s pics and concept for years. First in his old site, “Dirty Scottsdale,” and now as the gossip peddler of college catfights. Mr. Ritchie deserves every bit the inevitable crash and burn awaiting his pablum sucking lifestyle of attention whoring desperation.
No Nik, the Hollywood agencies won’t sign you. Not even if you marry z-list celebrity spawn. But keep harassing them for months with phone calls containing all your genius ideas for the next “Girls Gone Wild.”
Or your reality pitch, “How to Take a Mugshot Like a Champ”.
