Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

The Great Gatsbag

Interestingly, the working title for this post was “Daisy’s Buchanans.”

The Thompson Twits

Hard times have fallen on 80s one-hit-wonder act, “The Thompson Twits.”

Forced into Groin Shave Reveal club appearances, marking up their bodies with mutant raisins, and having lead singer Gwen pretend she’s Maggie Gyllenhaal before she hit the wall at 28, it’s just all sorts of stress for their agent, Broadway Danny Rose, to find them quality bookings on the nostalgia circuit.

Yup. I’m babbling again. Not making sense. And I apologize for this pic. It’s borderline cruel to inflict such toxic GSR upon you without warning, or at least the offer of mild sedatives in advance of viewing. But this is douchebaggery in 2010. So we must witness.

Reader Mail: The Unisex Yaz Dangler

Reader Sac writes in:

—–

Yo!

– Sac

—–

I have no idea what that email just said, am not at all a fan of the word “nigga,” but it reads like a brilliant tone poem, and I must give props to anyone who comes up with the phrase “drops Sergio Valente style in people’s assholes.”

Ask DB1: Russell Brand

—–

DB1,

– Mr. Biggs

—-

Russell Brand is a key celebubag to our present historical moment, and you are correct to mark him as mock worthy, Mr. B.

Brand’s stratagem of douche is the incorporation of self deprecation as the tool of reframing his ego and narcissism. He is “Mystery” + humor, and thus, an important development in our war.

Brand wants to have his douche cake and gel it too. As such, we must mock with an increasingly sarcastic linguistic response. Playing off his own “persona” in comedies does not excuse the inherent doucheyness therein. It only couches it in irony as an attempt to get away with it.

Katy Perry, a stage 4 Bleeth is, on the other hand, about as alluring as a crotch blender set on “puree.” So perhaps it all evens out in the end.

Where’s Waldouche: Ben Affliction Edition

Somewhere in this lineup of tasty “Jennifer Anniston before we realized she was more boring than cardboard” hotties, I’ve carefully hidden the star of such movies as “”The Sum of All Bodyspray,” “Gellgli” and “Pearl Necklace.”

Look closely.

Can you find him?

Where's Waldouche: Ben Affliction Edition

Somewhere in this lineup of tasty “Jennifer Anniston before we realized she was more boring than cardboard” hotties, I’ve carefully hidden the star of such movies as “”The Sum of All Bodyspray,” “Gellgli” and “Pearl Necklace.”

Look closely.

Can you find him?

Retro Doggie ‘Baggin’

One of the key douchebag maneuvers of 2008, The Doggie ‘Bag, has recently become as extinct as the dodo, saber tooth tiger, and the entire eco system of the gulf coast.

Normally this would be good news. Except that it’s been replaced in 2010 by Groin Shave Reveal (GSR).

Nonetheless, here’s a mini throwback pic, with Shirtless Elwood ‘Bag annoying hottie librarian Sandra. It’s more like a half Doggie ‘Bag, (a Chihuahua ‘Bag?) but it qualifies.

Retro Doggie 'Baggin'

One of the key douchebag maneuvers of 2008, The Doggie ‘Bag, has recently become as extinct as the dodo, saber tooth tiger, and the entire eco system of the gulf coast.

Normally this would be good news. Except that it’s been replaced in 2010 by Groin Shave Reveal (GSR).

Nonetheless, here’s a mini throwback pic, with Shirtless Elwood ‘Bag annoying hottie librarian Sandra. It’s more like a half Doggie ‘Bag, (a Chihuahua ‘Bag?) but it qualifies.

Aimee Is Trapped by the Limitations of Her Environment

Maybe in another life, Aimee would’ve made it out of suburban Indianapolis. Gotten that scholarship at Bennington and a chance to major in costume design.

Instead, Aimee will just have to accept the limitations of her world.

Bros with sharpies, and posters of beer pong.

Starblazer Says “Not So Fast, Shark!”

The Starblazer and his hottie Astra, say, “We’ll see you in the next Weekly, Sharkboy!”

The gauntlet has been thrown.

And by gauntlet, I mean ridiculously dainty wristdanna.

EDIT: Starblazer and Astra also wanted you to know that there’s an “Is She Really Going Out With Him?” marathon on MTV today from 3-6pm. Checkitout!