Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Thoughts and Links

Just when you think the hottie/douchey cohabit is waning, you remember that Vegas crusties like Hello Kitty Hott and The King of Sears are still out there.

Still shouting, “Bro! Wassup?” And then making intricate hand slaps with people whose names they can’t quite remember.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime!”

‘Baghunters beware! ‘Bag Tagging can be dangerous.

The best five minutes you can waste this weekend should be spent on appreciating the genius that is N.Y.C. (1983). Should’ve bought one of those Keith Harings or Basquiats.

An early candidate for douchiest athlete of 2011, Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant ejected from a mall for baggy pants, throws a fit.

The late, great Bill Hicks explains Christianity. We need you now more than ever, Bill.

Moronic pseudo-celebrity clown Chris Brown is still a douche. Or just wants to stay relevant. I know this story is boring and old, but it had to be noted for austerity.

For those who can truly appreciate a hot chick no matter the form of her jibblies, I give you Thailand’s Got Talent. And now I’m disturbed and questioning everything about myself.

When douchebag arrogance becomes dangerous.

In sign #523 of the impending douchepocalypse, The Fake Ab Concealer.

For those who missed it last week, “The Situation” reminds us what happens when douchebags try to do anything other than flex.

But you are not here to mock the pathetic packaging of The Situation. You are here for Pear:

Condo You Can’t Afford Pear

That pic is like some weird hallucinogenic flashback to 80s hott fantasy. I’m talking Sherilyn Fenn 80s. Good times for the early pubescent development in your humble narrator.

I will toast the memories (mammories) of Fenn all weekend. For the weekend is uponst. And spring is here.

Tony Parker: ‘Bag / Nottabag?

NBA something or other Tony Parker, former husband of a desperate housewife, isn’t overtly that douchey.

So I put it to you. ‘Bag? Or Nottabag?

Friday Haiku

Vegan fun and games,
Jake’s cabbage smells like lettuce,
Cindy swears off meat.

Rebecca Romaine,
she’s not, but I’d still garnish
her with creamy ranch.

— Wheezer

I would not worry
About animal or plant
These two have fungi

— Dude McCrudeshoes

Someone’s chip-and-dip
was violated by Jake’s
hairway to heaven.

— Mr. White

Waiter, I believe
I ordered some pear in this
salad not crushed nuts.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

New Age catheter
And toxin-free beast milk pumps
Home based business bust

— Vin Douchal

Adam Sandler tests
for his next big waste of film:
It’s Little Dicky

— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

Vinnie Celebrates HCwDB Turning 5

Only four days late. The Real Housewives of Sherman Oaks are only mildly amused.

Ask DB1: The Self Portrait Pearadox

—-
Dear Sir.

Anonymous (for now)
——

The pose is quintessential doucheyness but the pear is succulent. And so we come face-to-pear with yet another example of the douchadox, the conflicting impulses of pear appreciation (“apearciation”) in a Bleethy world.

Caption This Pic

The Cast of The W.B.’s low rated sit-com, “Hey Man! Why You Be Hatin’?” tried to forget about their recent cancellation by partying it up at L.A. hotspot “Le Bedd.”

Johnny Tonguebag

One of the hardest douches to tag in the wild, the rare and elusive Tonguebag only comes out when the hills are swollen with rain and supple spank.

EDIT: The ‘Baghunters pay tribute to the jibblies of curvaceous mound in the comments thread:

Deltus: I would handwalk across the men’s bathroom floor at a Metallica concert and then sissy-slap an incontinent rhino just for the opportunity to dry hump the salesperson who sold her that dress.

Hermit: I’d suck the tiny droplets of cranberry juice which ooze from betwixt her heaving milk vessels, using a kiln-fired straw molded by a lesbian, hairy potter, from clay scraped off the tires of a ‘97 Land Rover which has just returned from a tour of bowling ball manufacturing facilities in the Holy Lands.

Vinnie and Angie Teach Infant Nursing Care

It’s all part of a new series of highly innovative Lamas Classes.

Mel Gibson’s Androgynous Devil Walks Among the Hotts

Mel Gibson’s androgynous devil figure from his epic 2004 feature, Saw 5: Nobody F@#ks With The Jesus, not only proves that Mel Gibson thinks Jews are Satan’s evildoers, but, apparently, dresses like a pudstomp and hits on hotties in his spare time.

Which makes him a douche. Just like Mel Gibson.

Reader Mail: Frank Tags Some Funnelbags

Eagle-eyed Frank writes in:

——
Subject: tri-bags and funnel flakes

and then i saw the funnel. next to the off-brand frosted flakes. both of which are near the crumbling staircase. and suddenly this picture screams “frat boys” louder than an ecstatic bleethy cougar that’s “mistakenly” stumbled upon greek row after her personal record of jagerbombs.
——

Good catch, Frank. While you had me at “off-brand frosted flakes,” the funnel is an excellent frat tag giveaway.