Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Comment of the Week: Choad the Douche Sprocket

Choad the Douche Sprocket reflects on Fraternity life in the Lena’s Cry For Help thread and wins the coveted HCwDB of the Week:

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I wasted 2 1/2 years of my youth in a fraternity… and outgrew them before I was 21.

Santorums

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Friday Thoughts and Links

Wrist Stud Collars.

Keeping wrists protected in case a medieval battle breaks out at high school keggers since 2008.

But Ananda’s large proboscuous boobtasteries perk onward until dawn.

And the lion sleeps with the lamb, knowing full well future babies will be adequately suckled.

Here’s your mostly 1980s nostalgia hued links:

Your HCwDB Book Pick of the Week: “I did a lot of drugs because I wanted to do a lot, I wanted to push all the way to the very very end, and see if I could die.” – Martin Scorsese. “Popcorn pictures have always ruled. Why do people go see them? Why is the public so stupid? That’s not my fault.” — George Lucas

Thanks again to Draft Street for the Freeroll fantasy game they threw for us last week. If you’re diggin’ the site as a sponsor, or won some of that sweet sweet cash with your mad skills, drop me a line. We might try to do another one when baseball season starts.

George Clooney looks amazingly young in his latest film, props to the entire team at ILM. (starts :50 in)

Five Horrible Life Lessons Learned From Teen Movies. So true. But nothing about how Aryans were more popular than you in high school?

Football player Terrell Suggs brings some HCwDB mock to the game.

Just think what America would be like today if they’d kept the original ending of First Blood. Rambo can still eat things that make a billy goat puke.

Anatomy of an urban thug. Answers a lot of questions.

Fratty douchebag asswipe runs for the Senate. Stay classy, Fratbrosephus.

Best Video of the 1980s. Celebrate its genius.

But you are not here to watch the DB1 continue to relive his lost 80s youth in Rosebudian fashion. You are here for Pear:

Ugly Ikea Sofa Pear

The sofa chair may be inexpensive and tacky, but the Pear is pure and suckle chomp.

Marcus Runs With The Goose in Thailand

More from the partying adventures of wayward rich American youth in torture cells in outer Thailand somwhere near the Cambodian/Prussian 38th parallel.

This story don’t end well neither.

For it features nipple clamps and blueberry pie. Served on a series of cascading rice patties held together by barbed wire and goat weed by a feral monkey named Dave.

And David Lynch yawns and asks me to quietly leave his driveway without causing a fuss.

Friday Haiku

PIC DELETED

Todd and Linda love

casino tribute acts like

Billy Midol here.

Harpo lost his harp

Now he plays Kim’s washboard abs

Steve’s making duck soup

— saulgoode42

Billy Midol at The Sands

with Count Plate Facey

and Quincy Ab-Bones

— tall guy

Spikey haired ass clown

Douche not a douche for tall Todd?

Great abs need suckle

— Scrotewank Jones and the furry furry Douchetrots

Actor playing Doug

cops feel — but not on Linda!

Todd needs an adult.

— Morbo

Poor Draco Malfoy

Now making appearances

At lame fitness shows.

— DoucheyWallnuts

What’s her Secret? Well

Instead of deoderant

she uses douches.

— Nancy Dreuche

Tatum O’ still tight

Billy Corgan grows out hair

Dick Clark close to death

— Vin Douchal

That ageing douchebag

Thinks he can postpone his fate.

Hairclub for Men: Why?

— Jeff Reed Towel Dispenser

She hasn’t exhaled

Since the gyroscope was put

In her monkey hole.

— The Reverend Meme Kroeger

Mooby Mooby Moo

Too-tight t-shirts and moob reveal punch the Baby Tebus in both the frankincense and the mur.

Li-yen’s emotionally distant Hong Kong-born parents never bothered to be nice to her. And so she dates the Gwai-Lo.

And not just any Gwai-Lo.

Douche Gwai-Lo.

Name Tommy's Shoulder Tatt

My money is on Early 90s Bar Mitzvah D.J. Paul Rudd.

This calls for Attitudinal Tiny Dancer Maria Bikini Pics for solace.

Bernie Is In Over His Pay Grade

In the 80s, this definitely would’ve been a wacky teen comedy starring Jon Cryer, Lea Thompson, and that guy from Die Hard with the pockmarked face as the angry principal, Mr. Fasterbender.

At least, that’s how it plays out in the 80s in my mind.

Kevin's Adventures in Thailand

I’m pretty sure this story ends with a bathtub filled with ice, the smell of iodine, a bucket of horse spittle dumped over a rancid latrine, and the distant whine of a forlorn chihuahua who ate no noodles for dinner.

Esoteric Wednesday

If you ever wondered what deepest darkest fears haunt the subconscious of suburban, white America, now you know.

Pop Quiz

Pop quiz time, kids!

Party Girl Michelle is pointing at:

A. Her bestie, Kayla, who is totally, like, Woo!!!

B. The only pattern in the room not shaped like a doily puking up an ink blot.

C. The head of Alfredo Garcia.

D. The last shred of her dignity being munched on by a wayward cockroach.

EDIT: Whoops, had a premature publication last night. Carry on…