ass pear!
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Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The Unholy Pear Fondle
Moving on, as bcs would want us to…
I’ve been going light on you with HCwDB pairings the past week or so. Felt it was time to smack you awake on this Wednesday with heinosity of unholy pear fondle.
Vegas Vincent is all that is douchebag essence. Essence du douchebag. Or, as the kids, say, a heaping pile of yak vomit.
I would gang tackle a busload of Armenian Lexus dealers dippied in Drakkar Noir, fighting through that sweaty flesh pile of immigration and desperation just for the chance to masticate on Suzy Pear’s bikini sweat in filtered tea formula.
And then I would lick-suckle Suzy Pear’s discarded summer lounge chair like arthritic crack aardvark until the security guard at Best Buy asked me to leave or he’d call the cops.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011“Bring me the Butt of Frieda Garcia!”
For it is glorious.
Who’s Frieda? She’s my secretary. Who am I? The guy chomping on Frieda’s butt globbs.
Andy Swirlwind has the aesthetics of a rotting mango, and should be mocked accordingly. If Frieda’s butt globbs hadn’t drawn my attentions, he would, and should, be mocked further for being a heaping urberdouche.
Monday, August 29, 2011The Pear Conundrum
iPhone Bathroom Pics = Autodouche
Quality Suckle Gnaw Spankle Pooch Pear = Auto Holy
This paradox in logic, in which a ‘Bag hunter faces both the draw of the spankle pooch and the intellectual cognition of probable Bleeth is what we call The Douchadox.
We sin.
Because we are mortal.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011Petey Mocks the Pear
“And lo, for he that mocketh the Holy Pear of Antioch with Spiketh of Hair shall know the wrath of the lord your G-d, and vengance shall stricketh down uponst him in the form of crotch itch and bad credit ratingth. For he smellseth like Bodyspray and is a douchebageth.”
— The Book of Doucheteronomy, 11:38
Thursday, June 30, 2011Between a Pear and a Pear Place
Greasy Tony knows only two things for certain in life.
1. Tony loves the succulent and firm chompy chomp Ass Pear
2. Tony enjoys getting douchey flaming tatts placed around his bellybutton
#1 makes him a relatable and sympathetic protagonist.
#2 makes him a douche.
Thursday, May 26, 2011HCwDB After Hours: Floral Pear
Enjoy the visual bouquet set before you.
I hope you like daisies; due to this being a family-oriented site I was unable to show you her tulips.
sorry…
EDIT: From my walkabout, your humble narrator checks in, but alas I must replace ‘Sock’s pic with a slightly more work friendly Pear for those hunters reading at work. For those seeking the original Floral Pear, Pear Away. My sherpa is angry with me. I must repent by self-flaggelating with yak hooves and bamboo….
Wednesday, May 25, 2011HCwDB After Hours: “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buttered” Pear
For some reason I’m suddenly craving buttered hot cross buns…
Tuesday, May 24, 2011HCwDB After Hours Study Session, With Smarty Pear
I’m not even going to make the obvious joke about getting shushed in her stacks.
Wait…I just did.
Dammit.
You outfoxed me again, Little Miss SmartyPantsless.
Sunday, May 22, 2011Sunday Pear: DoucheyWallnuts Crypt Sweeper Edition
Alert HCwDB comments thread regular DoucheyWallnuts gifts us with this Pear breakdown:
“This is a promo picture from the direct to DVD movie, “The Crypt Keeper’s Pear; When Good Things Happen to Bad Mummies,” and not a photo of Steven Tyler and one of his groupies taken backstage at American Idol.
It also isn’t a picture capturing the tender moment when Steven Hawking’s nursemaid removes the catheter from his pee-pee and cleans him up.
Nor is it Keith Richards engaging in role-playing with one of his teen-aged daughter’s friends.
Actually, it’s not even a photo from the outstanding “Crypt Keeper” series of films. I made that up.
The owners of this Intellectual Property had the good sense to quit while they were ahead, and let the 1996 classic, “Bordello of Blood,” starring Dennis Miller and featuring douchebag-for-life Corey Feldman, speak for itself.
But I digress… While I can’t imagine any reason for this photo to have been conceived and then set-up and taken, ultimately it is a picture that proves the point that no matter how ridiculous and haphazard the juxtaposition of the elements are in a photo, that men will ultimately focus in on the ass pear in question.
It’s all about the ass pear; not the Benjamins, the ass pear.”
Sunday, May 22, 2011Sunday Football Pear
This image just in from alert reader and uber-ubiquitous commentor “Anonymous”, appropriated from one of the many crumbsnatching “HotChickswith*****” rip-off sites:
Pig Skin Pear.
I’d like to put one between her uprights…but I fear it will be Lock Out for me.
Still, one can dream of a touchback…
