HCwDB of the Week
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Monday, August 13, 2012
HCwDB of the Week: Arturo, Skinny Kathy and that dirty-ass door
DarkSock here, with the keys to the family station wagon for a whole week while DB1 is doing whatever it is they do in Bah-ston, plus occasionally checking in to make sure I don’t put frontal nudity, uncensored curse words and terms like “Monkey Hole” here on the front page.
Now, this is the part where I would typically wax poetic about why Arturo deserves the (semi)coveted ‘Bag o’ the Week (dis)honor. But quite frankly I cannot put it better than long-time lurker Missy, who was moved to opine, “WASH YOUR G*D D*MN DOOR YOU ****ING ASSHOLE”.
Indeed, Missy. Indeed.
Here’s a photograph of a nice clean front door for you, gentle readers, to serve as a palette cleanse to get the taste of door grime out of your mouths.
Monday, July 23, 2012HCwDB of the Week: The Chainer of Fools and Pouty Cass
First of all, props to the peartastic peartastitude of the great DarkSock for running a great HCwDB last week. I monitored as best I could during the pre-trials of my llama molestation case. Luckily, I was freed on a technicality when it turned out the llama was actually an alpaca, sending the whole case to kangaroo court.
Yup. No idea what I’m saying.
But I tip the cup of ‘Train to Sock for a great week of mock.
And while we’re about a month behind on doing a Monthly, what the hell. Here’s another Weekly winner.
The toxic rot of chainbaggery paired with Pouty Cass’s sexy lickable pooch fondle, was simply too much, besting Dimitri and Yakov’s Ukranian Brides, the pukey richasseryo of the Hamptonsbags, the flat-top brothabaggery of Kid ‘n Poo, and the groinal patricide of the Hot Taco.
A damn fine week of culture shredding mock. And the DB1 for oatmeal with raisins.
Monday, July 16, 2012HCwDB of the Week: KISSEUS VOMITORIOUS and naughty nape Nanine
Well, it looks like this week is going to be DarkSock Week, which is kind of like Shark Week but with boat wrecks. In other words, The DB1 was unable to post bail. Llama pens are private property; the law is the law.
So as I rush to fill the vacuum that nature abhors, you stare at the HCwDB weekly selection and simper aloud: “But…DarkSock….why is Kisseus Vomitorious awarded the coveted DB o’ the Week? WHY?”
Well…look at him. Now stop simpering.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to dig up some hottie/douchebag co-mingling photographs STAT or it’s gonna be a quiet week here.
Monday, July 9, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Victoria and the Weenus
Last week was a light week for pics, what with the 4th and all. But we’se gots to have an award, and this couple rankles me for some reason beyond the specificities of the hottie/douchey signifiers.
I’m thinkin’ it’s douche shirt.
And Victoria is sneaky subversive sexy.
So together, I bequeath them HCwDB of the Week.
And your humb narrs for Raisin Bran.
Monday, July 2, 2012HCwDB of the Week: The Craptastropher and Debutante Amy
It wasn’t even close.
Garish explosions of ambiguously something something male spectacle in presence of party girl coquettish annoying-hott annoyingness was far too overwhelming an HCwDB cohabit to ignore.
Chalk ’em up for the gulag, and your humb narrs for oatmeal with raisins and a vodka chaser.
Elves are still hacking away at the website innies and outies, so bear with if it’s a little bumpy around here over the next few days. The mock will continue…
Monday, June 25, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Trent Assholio and Luscious Larissa
A fairly triumphant and toxic combo of HC and DB takes the prize this week.
Trent Assholio is pure assholioness.
Lucious Larissa offers Swedesh Boobal Landing Pattern.
Together, they make plop.
Monday, June 18, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Moses McJesus and Mary Poochdalene
Once again I just can’t select a Herpster as the HCwDB of the Week. I have a block, I tell you, a block. And by block, I mean hatred for those who order microbrews and pay with quarters.
Besting Funger Whackenstein and Angie by a douchetatt, Moses McJ and Mary win for sheer religious douchery.
But last week also saw award Brooke’s Award Winning Golden Globes, and the pouty perfection of Mindy Pout in the aforementioned Herpster disgrace, and the barely legal hotts of Dieselcrotch.
But something about the unholy Moses/Jesus tatt configuration, and the secky pooch of slutty hotty Mary Poochdalene, takes the prize this week.
And your humble narrator for instant oatmeal with raisins.
Monday, June 11, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Fingers McShmucksalot and Pink Kelly's Power Thighs of Thunder Taut
Because while last week was filled with herpsters, herpsters, herpsters, herpsters, and even more herpsters, Power Thighs of Thunder Taut rule all.
And Fingers McS is all sorts of Lazy Sunday douchery.
Maybe I have a mental block about giving the Weekly to a Herpster HCwDB. If I did, then I’d have to acknowledge this greasy trend is real.
Instead I take strange comfort in the classic Vegas Choadmunch and Hot Chick. It soothes my soul in an increasingly destabilized universe.
Monday, June 4, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Infectious Rick and Connie Thong Pear
A lil’ of the ole’ classic HCwDB takes the Weekly.
Your humble narrator is in NYC, stalking the hipster hotts at the East Village Dog Run. NYC hums with the nostalgic hues of a post-Beastie-Boys universe. And yet it carries on, even as the last remnants of the East Village fade into a hazy obscurity of American-Appareltopia and Starbucks coffee shops.
Nostalgia, as Don Draper’s carousel taught us, is the puncturing wound of a memory that never was.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Steve and Corona Hott
With Sonya already in the Hall of Hott, Jesus bling tatts and Tiny Dancer Smile cohabit is our winner (loser).
And your humble narrator for Corn Pops.
