HCwDB of the Week
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Monday, May 14, 2012
HCwDB of the Week: The Voguegina and Furry Amanda
Last week saw plenty of noxious toxicity wrapped in a piece of bacon.
There were Muscles McEuro and Joey Brolin looking boobs. There were pudgy ‘Baglings, Herpster Taint, and creepy Ukranians.
There was HarvestHead, and even RoboBro and Miley Cyrus Hott.
But what can match creepily angular doucheface, douche hand gesture #512, and furry kitten boobosity, together at 2pm on the deck of the Princess Carnival Cruise Line?
I thought not.
Kittern herpster hotts are also obnoxious, I grant you that. Furry Amanda is not clean. But, as counterweight to that point, I offer you natural boobs.
Exactly.
Chalk up our last entrant in the next HCwDB of the Month, and your humble narrator for instant oatmeal.
Monday, May 7, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Orangudan and Vegas Kim
Last week was an epic week for orangeness.
I’d thought orangebaggery was fading along with distant memories of 2009 such as the odiousOrangina. But I was wrong.
We had Orangukevin and tasty Swedish Anya. We had the breaking news story of Burnt Umber Jerzey Mom.
On the nonorange spectrum we had the creepiness of The Yeeshasaurus and Sue-Kin-Chee. And the epic Pear, but possibly pro (and therefore disqualified Princess Pearielle and King Pooterface.
But nothing said Hot Chick with Douchebag unsettling atrocity quite like Orangudan and the tasty, if artificially inflated, Vegas Kim.
Chalk ’em for the next Monthly. And your itchy narrator for apple cinnamon instant oatmeal.
Monday, April 30, 2012HCwDB of the Week: The Bishop and Homegrown Hannah
Just barely edging Oldbag Ralph and Dreamgirl Donna, The Bishop’s stupidhead and Homegrown Hannah’s homegrowns nanas were too tough a dialectic to ignore.
For what are we here if wherefore not to mock the choadal head and lust the perkage bobble?
Other ‘bags of note, the BvG named Marmoset and Sluthott Kelly from the Friday Haiku, Keyser Shmoeze’s Ladies of Perfect Leg, Moaz’s Stupid Hair and Stacey, Clown Hardy Gets Lucky, and Jesus Bling Boy.
Not a bad week, or should I say a ‘bag week. Get it? Because ‘bag sounds like ba-… okay nevermind.
I hereby decry that this week is ESOTERIC REFERENCE WEEK.
Every post will have an esoteric reference to something random. Wait, that was redundant.
Monday, April 23, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Aqua Vulva and British Sexy Sophia
How’s about we get a lil’ country AND western mock all up in this place?
Ya hear?
Countrybags get short shrift these days. But as Blake Shelton Zombie Eyes tells us, they ain’t no non-douche to be reckoned with, by which I mean they is.
And sheeeeoootttt, that fine filly British Sexy Sophia sure done make me want to have hominy grits and carry a gun so I feel important!
Okay, I’ll stop with the country textology.
But they’s the first Weekly off our new album.
The DB1’s hamper is filling up with pooper pics. And a glorious Monday it be.
Monday, April 2, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Enrique and Paid-To-Pose Tammy
Well, kids…you know what the Blue Font means. DarkSock’s driving again.
Early this morning (’round 11:45 am…) I found the following note affixed to my front door much like Martin Luther’s 95 theses attached to the church door at Wittenberg on Halloween of 1517; although I doubt Martin Luther’s note was adhered using what appeared to be a strange mixture of vanilla yogurt and llama hair:
“SOCK…GOTTA GO TO LAOS…FIND MY LLAMA LLYNDA…BE BACK SOON – RUN THE SITE UNTIL I RETURN; NO NUDITY ON THE FRONT PAGE…AND SORRY FOR THE VOMIT”
I didn’t see the last part until too late. Ah well…needed new ebony socks anyway. Let’s get this boating excursion fired up! I’ll be your captain for the foreseeable future; what’s the worst that could happen? Unlike last time…
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So, on to the Weeklies – I reckon it was pretty much between Vinnie DoublePump and Trust Fund Enrique.
While some felt Vinnie D.P. bordered on “nottadouche”, alert reader Sergeant Poop made the following astute observations:
“At first glance–to an amateur–Vinnie would appear to be a nottadouche. Upon further inspection, however, one sees a man who is wearing a belt, yet his pants are still far too low below the acceptable height. A wrist tattoo is also readily noticeable. Don’t forget about the gold necklace. And, ladies and gents, the icing on the cake–the double peace sign hand gestures.“
Well-said, Sgt. Poop. Vinnie D.P. is indeed a treacherous sleeper agent for all that reeks of Axe. However, let’s face it – in Enrique’s case, mofo’s got a see-through blouse on parted enough to show off his unearned dog tags; he is sporting a rojo chapeau, he’s wearing very unnecessary sunglasses indoors, has what appears to be a tiny functioning anus on his chin, and most damningly, he is in objectionable proximity to Kathy’s delightfully droopy dairy domes, dammit.
“CREE! CREE!”, cry the poopie birds on his gramma’s blouse. Well said, poopie birds. On to the monthly with you, Enrique.
Agree? Disagree? Have any idea where DB1 is, and when he might return? As always, waste yer keystrokes in the comments section.
HCwDB of the Week: Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy
There was no doubt which toxic cohabit was enough to flyswat an innocent Northwestern Tree Badger in the gonadal region.
Sleepy Jerkenstein not only wants to share trivial facts with you, as tattooed on his eyelds, but he pollutes the purity of bongo thigh cuddle that is a phantasmic bikini clad imagined Cindy who giggles in the pool and then climbs out and says, “Hi Brad… you know how cute I always thought you were.”
As Wheezer so astutely pointed out in the comments thread, Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy also contributing to this future award winning HCwDB artwork, “Innocence and Poo Face.”
That being said, The Unholy Pear Fondle is an HCwDB award winning collision of image detritus in its own right. In a normal week, it would’ve won (lost). But not against Sleepy J.
Other pics of note, Vazquez and the Pear, Tony Cappacino’s oldbaggery, The Lion, The Witch and the Fung, and our discussion of the Pabst Blue Ribbon Herpster Complex.
But there was no taking down the Sleepy and the Cindy. Awful, awful wrongness.
Your humble narrator flies back to smoggy Los Angeles on cheap party bus limo airline, Virgin America.
Monday, March 19, 2012HCwDB of the Week: The Lickwipe and Sexy Poochtickle Trina
Your humble narrator continues his New York adventures to mock all things choadal, and covet the purity of the milkshake suckle thigh.
Little known fact, the working title for Raiders IV was actually “Indiana Jones and the Purity of the Milkshake Suckle Thigh.” Or at least it should’ve been.
Nuked fridge my ass.
This week’s winning/losing coupling was not a hard choice at all. Although there was legit options. The Beachbongery of the Comment of the Week, Frooey Buttafuco, the spike of Shmuckholio, Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Pukecoat, and, of course, Mozo the Asian Zen Philosopher.
Thassa lotta choadalpuke.
Meanwhile Wee Willy Crimson has gone straight to the Closet of Poo. Do not pass Go. Do not collect carcinoma.
But there can be only one coupling. And one it is. The DB1 for raspberry pancakes.
Monday, March 12, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Mickey the Polyp and Savannah
With a two week backlog of doucheritis to chew through like a masticating arthritic cow cudding a salt lick, it wasn’t an easy task to pick a winning (losing) couple.
But pick, I did, with pickled picklings.
Wait, that sounded vaguely inappropriate.
We saw Rusty Trombones and all sorts of crap, Oldbag Harold and Herspter LaVar.
But none were more spleen plexing and perplexingly spleeny than Mickey the Polyp and Savannah.
Chalk ’em for the next monthly.
And your grizzled narrator for oatmeal with raisins.
Monday, February 27, 2012HCwDB of the Week: The Scruffwad and Jenny Milkshake
Last week we had Herpsters and Fungwadius. Another appearance of orange legend, The Cheeto Man. We had Wittgensteinian philosophy and He Da Bes.
We even had a touring Assikus Anonymous. Which you should never do before eating.
But no coupling was more real world rancid than the Scruffwad and Jenny Milkshake.
For making me want to punch a baby seal in the uvula, they’se the last coupling for the upcoming HCwDB of the Month next week.
But now, your hungover narrator cleans up the Ubiquitous Red Cups over by the Alpaca feed after last night’s Oscars festivities, and enjoys a tasty Pop Tart.
Monday, February 20, 2012HCwDB of the Week: Lord Helmet and Vespa Hott
From the Friday haiku, is there any greater societal violation going on right now than Lord Helmet and Mayan Eye of Coitus tempress, Vespa Hott (names courtesy of douche wayne)? I think not.
Heh. Hott and not rhyme. Whod’a thunk it?
I do not think ‘ere shall I see,… a poo as lovely as a pee.
But I digress.
As I’m still recovering from the rancid boil that was Norway Thursday, I’mma spare ya the links/recap. Lets just say last week had a lot of HC and DB in cohabit.
But none worse than this atrocity.
Chalk ’em for the next Monthly, and your humble narrator for instant oatmeal and raisins.
