Reader Mail
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Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Reader Mail: Internet Dating Produces HCwDB
Jeff writes in asking for some well deserved scorn be thrown towards dating site Zoosk:
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From: Jeff
Subject: Zoosk “Success” Stories
I found these on the Zoosk site on a page supposedly showing off their “success” stories. I think Zoosk is run by a horde of wankers. The page on the site about how to apply for a job actually suggests that applicants shower and brush their teeth before their interview. Makes you wonder what sort of losers were applying for jobs that made them post that request.
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Alls I know is I’mma start a new dating site called “Horde of Wankers.” Going for the honest angle. Like if Christian Mingle cut the euphemisms and just said “No Jews.” Or JDate said “no men who are not doctors or lawyers will be gettin in these hot Semitic panties.”
I met HC1 the old fashioned way. I pined for her hot Jewess ass for six years while she dated a litany of choads. And then I got a show on MTV and she married me and popped out a little one.
That’s the way I roll.
Monday, November 11, 2013Reader Mail: Aussie Bleeths
Douchesdownunder submits this reminder that we must also mock female douchebaggery when we find it:
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DB1.
The female douche! We must tell the people, they spread like wildfire, co-inhabiting a food court at a mall near you now. They steal your seat, your park and your good nature. Good white girls gone bad, this one’s from the Central Coast of NSW Australia.
– Douchesdownunder
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Point well taken, DDU. I find myself rather cross when the Bleeths steal my good nature. And by good nature, I mean credit card number.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013Reader Mail: Douchebags and The Gays
Reader Brian posted the following in last week’s Happy Halloween comments thread:
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I know you do not seem like a huge fan of the gay community (maybe I am wrong? I have been once or twice in my life! Lol) but as a gay man I look forward to seeing pics of hot, juiced up douchebags and check this site every day. Not seeing them as much as I used to?!
I happen to think the dude in the middle is smoking hot and I know you published one of him before with a ‘hot chick’ and he had these crazy eyes in the photo-similar to his look in this one; it was a turn on actually!!
I am sure you have TONS of gay fans. BTW, I think you have mentioned being from Brookline or at least Boston. I live in Allston. Love your site but more roided douchebags please; makes my day. Peace.
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We here at HCwDB welcome readers from all persuasions, and I have nothing against gay people, except when they describe douchebags as “hot.” Then you’ve crossed a line, my gay friend. Not cool.
You see, Brian practices what theorist Stuart Hall defines as an oppositional reading strategy. He takes a given text (HCwDB) and actively re-purposes its meaning in a way different than that intended by the author.
Brian’s reframing of douche mocking into gay lust actually serves as an important lesson in how concepts such as Antonin Scalia’s constitutional originalism, the belief that a given text has one and only one meaning that can somehow be deciphered like a Secret Society Decoder Ring is so ludicrous.
Each of us bring our subjectivities and active agency into the process of interpretation in any given text. Communication is generated as much by the spectator as by the author.
It is a proverbial two-way-street of meaning. A repeating cycle rather than a linear path.
When Brian perceives the douchebag as “hot,” it reflects how we all interpret texts in ways that differ from authorial intent. Just as Scalia perceives the Constitution. We all bring subjective agency to bear on the text. Only a fool pretends that this variable process doesn’t exist.
So welcome, Brian. And blow an aardvark, Scalia, you fraud.
Monday, November 4, 2013Dr. Magnifico Tags The Unholy Shroud of Ballsack
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Hi DB1
A most frightful sight at Balmoral Beach, Sydney, Australia.
– Dr M
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Yes. Yes it is.
Meatwadius backtatts for the steroidal shrimp on the proverbial cultural barbie.
Take that, Faulkner.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013Reader Mail: Unclear on the Concept
Angry Felicia writes in with one of the more dubious , inaccurate, and probably just the classic “spurned ex” douche tags of recent times:
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Subject: Shit talking doiche
This Travis he is a special kind of stupid meanin he doesn’t know how to open his mouth without talking shit to everyone around him. Travis might be compensating for only being 5’4″ but he has a habit of f@#king up anything good that comes into his life, but he would never admit it.
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Sorry Angry Felicia, totally not seeing it and you’ve presented no supplementary supporting evidence. Without probable cause, we must acquit.
Nottadouche.
Monday, October 14, 2013Reader Mail: This is Sheldon
Sarah writes in with a Sheldon tag:
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From: Sarah
Subject: Gel Haired Douchey douche
This is Sheldon. He is Indian. That is his girlfriend. Sheldon’s hair is crisp, you could break it off, he loads it with gel. He also lifts, but more than that he talks about lifting. he wears chains around his neck, and flashy v-neck t-shirts. Besides wearing more jewelry than most girls I know, he also takes more selfies. He is a douche, inside and out. And his chick isn’t all that hot either.
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Well tagged, Sarah. I especially appreciate the koan-like writing style. Short. To the point. Like early Hemingway. Or perhaps a mix between drugged up 1970s-era Dr. Seuss and this.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013Reader Mail: Vinnie Sphincter's Girl
Jesse G. writes in with an update on the odious Vinnie Sphincter’s girl:
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From: Jesse G.
Subject: Vinnie Sphincter’s Girl strikes again!
Yo small world but Sphincter’s girl party’s at the same club i party at! Say it aint so!!! with a chin like her’s how could she not be a douche bag magnet….or boxing sparring partner!!!
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This email reads like viral PR for Don Jon. I’m not sure whether to respond or ask for click-through rates.
Monday, October 7, 2013Reader Mail: Iron 'Bag's Pepper Potts Threatens Legal Action
A flurry of emails enters the DB1’s in-box:
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The “iron bag”posted on oct 2nd has a copy written photo of me in it. I never gave anyone permission to use my image on your site and I would like it removed immediately. IIf you need further proof I am happy to provide.
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This is ME ^ in the above photo, this image has a copy write and needs to be removed ASAP.
Consider this the cease and desist. I really appreciate being removed from your site.
Thanks.
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its not enough that it is a photo of ME and I never gave permission for my image to be used on this site? You clearly state in your fine print you will remove anyones personal image?
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Not sure who keeps submitting photos of MY on your site, but I would like you to stop approving them. I promote my image and have spent years building a name for myself and my work online and can not be represented in such a manner on your site. please remove all photos of me.
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I’m not sure who submits photos of MY either.
Then, after a short break:
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I have notified the photographer and he will also be in touch shortly.
If you remove it now we won’t have our attorney send a cease and desist letter which will require you to mail us a letter of compliance to prevent further action.
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The “guy” in this case happens to be an executive who works with Fortune 50 companies having fun at DragonCon and doesn’t appreciate his picture being plastered all over the internet. Do you think his name is really Kym LaRoux? He uses that to prevent people he doesn’t want seeing the pictures from finding him on FB. But, you’ve done a great job of promoting the pic! Nice job.
He’s waiting for his attorney to get out of court for the day so he can send you the letter so I suggest you remove it as soon as you are done with your travels.
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Why is “guy” in quotes? I’m so confused. However, once I realized “Kym LaRoux” was an anagram for “Clownsy McClownsalot” I was on to the ruse.
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Just to ensure you understand this is a serious matter, please be advised your actions constitute copyright infringement in violation of United States copyright laws. Under 17 U.S.C. 504, the consequences of copyright infringement include statutory damages of between $750 and $30,000 per work, at the discretion of the court, and damages of up to $150,000 per work for willful infringement. If you continue to engage in copyright infringement after receiving this message your actions will be evidence of “willful infringement.”
his (kym, the guy in the photo) attorney advised me to send that ^ to you while he was on break in court.
So if I were you I’d make sure the comments on the page are turned off immediately because any further statements expose you to legal action for copyright infringement and are considered an attempt to defame our reputation and are therefore slanderous and libel.
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As Buddha once asked the ‘Baghavad Gita, is it slander to threaten libel while a salamander drinks libations?
Monday, October 7, 2013Reader Mail: Iron 'Bag is Not A Douche
PIC DELETED
Chris writes in with a defense of last week’s Iron ‘Bag:
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These two are some of the nicest, coolest, most level headed people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in the Atlanta party scene. I’m always impressed with both Angie and Kym’s outfits and think it’s asinine for a group of anonymous ass clowns to pass judgement on people they don’t know. Jus sayin 😉
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I’ve met many people in the Atlanta party scene. Superdouche. Spiderdouche. Even Aquadouche that one time in the Halls of Groinstice.
So yes. Angie and Kym’s outfits are impressive. Most impressive. But they are not an ass clown yet.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013Billy's Bar Tag
Billy the Bartender writes in with an important point:
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From: Billy
Subject: Douchebag Regulars
these guys are regulars at the bar i manage, big time pricks that think they really are VIP even though they all pitch in to buy ONE BOTTLE!!!
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It’s like renting a limo. If it makes nine high school kids feel special for coughing up 30 bucks each, then so be it.
That being said, these doucheflush are particularly egregious (although the ladies have a nice suburban party woo hottie vibe, lookin’ at you, Sister of That Chick in The Brown Bunny who Fellated That Vincent Gallo Guy). May you spit in their couscous.
