Rockerbag
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Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Trapped in a Skeezer Sandwich
Don’t look down, Kelly!
Those aren’t barstools poking you in the thigh!
Yeah, I got nothin’. Too early. Stupid coffee. Not strong enough. Yet so delicious.
Thursday, March 15, 2012Bandholes
Still out there.
Still unsure how to play a 7th chord.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012Douche Richards
Not the most creative name to mock this unholy asstastic rocker spawn of douchewankery, but when I’ve spent the day chasing pouty librarian hotts through Central Park, you’ll understand if my post West Village Bistro Burger haze is less than fully coherent.
EDIT: I used a stock pic, but reader MC900FootDouchebag submits an actual pic he took of his Bistro Burger last week. Far more authentic. And tasty.
Monday, February 27, 2012Coldplay Sucks
I have never liked the band Coldplay.
Preening Aryan Chris Martin’s musical pablum is generic chord vomit, a eugenics based fascist musical regurgitation of melodic spew. A computer program of inoffensive “hit” generation. If A$=minor chord, print “emotions sway like ecstasy.”
But is Chris Martin a douche?
So far, no. With Rock Star Leniency combined with his apparent refusal to spectacle himself into a clown like compatriots like Gavin Rossdale, along with his apparent responsible dad skills, means I can only hate the game and not the player.
Which pisses me off.
I’m watchin’ you, generic fraud for the millennial set. Your teenage weepsterbation is a societal crime. And it shall not pass.
Friday, February 24, 2012Tony Tentatively Makes the Rocker Horns for Melodie
Hitler Chin Fung and Sleeve Tatts are now so ubiquitous as to be unremarkable.
That is not acceptable.
So I will remark upon them.
They suck.
Melodie is all that is real world giggle-next-door party cohabit in the Realms of the Unreal cleavite inspiration. And so I thank her. And quietly ask for the check.
Monday, February 20, 2012Assikus Anonymous Tours New Hampshire
When Mona dropped out of Mass Art to tour New England with the Berklee School of Music’s underground sensation, “Assikus Anonymous,” she had no idea it would lead her so far astray from her artistic dreams, and so close to Denny’s Parking lots instead.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012Moose Is A Rocker
Doe Eyed Jenny (from upstate Connecticut) knows this, because Moose makes the “Rocker Horns” hand gesture.
And, by definition, that means that Moose is a punk rocker now.
Monday, February 13, 2012Roadie Freddie Gets Ready
Doug is an Entrepeneur
You know that inheritance Doug got when Grandpa Al passed away back in 2009? It’s, like, totally going to start an epic label, bitch. Yellow wristdanna proves it.
Nadijka offers the holy heaving bosoms of Antioch, that the voices in my head tell me they cry and whimper to be held softly, like a stoic baby poodle uponst first breath.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011Quoth The Raven, “What a Douche”
Okay, that’s it.
I’ve had about enough of shirtless, greased up, ubermoob festerpuds like Major Havoc here bothering The Skanking Class of this great nation.
This pic just makes me want to suction cup out all higher consciousness using the torture machine that kills Wesley in The Princess Bride.
Self awareness just isn’t worth it, God.
Take it back.
Return me to the primal state from whence I came so I can unlearn what humanity chooses to do with the gifts and miracles of an improbably impossible universe of creation.
