Friday Thoughts and Links
Clownbags convincing uberhott knee suckle brunettes to dress in day-glo colors gives the DB1 a sad.
For the herpster mutations in our post Jersey Shore moment make the parking lot frolics and fist pumping fauxhawked orangoids of yesteryear seem quaint by comparison.
At least the phase-1 douche was easily identifiable.
The tropes grow more complex.
And so does the mock.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Didn’t you take economics? You could have had me for $49.95.”
Pear Pear. We’re not there yet. Don’t jump ahead. Earn it.
Shopping Malls in 1990. A time for which no nostalgia should be experienced.
The greatest big-speech-slow-clap high school movie moment in 1980s cinema history. (clap starts at 4:39)
The second greatest slow-clap high school movie moment in 1980s cinema history.
Hottie Malin Ackerman reproduces with a douchebag. There is no hope.
Poser British teen sent home for douche-hair. Hey, guy? Punk died in 1984 when Duke was shot. “Lets get sushi! And not pay!”
Okay, you’ve been good. But before we get to the Pear, here’s a little news pear:
All hail Brazil’s Miss Bum Bum pageant! And by hail, I mean the shmeckle meshpucha.
Enough. Lets get to it:
Tall and ubergnaw, as Howard Roark would want it.
Friday Haiku
Derek Smalls poses
Backstage with Spinal Tap fans;
Lets them “Smell The Glove”…
Pink nightmare crashes
Whores convention is a hit
Gives the keynote speech.
— Capt. James T. Douche
Foreskin through spandex
Crime against humanity
Bleeth’s don’t seem to care
— DoucheyWallnuts
Pink Monstrosity
In the middle challenges
Warm feelings for Hotts
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Molly Ringworm stars
In epic Hollywood film,
“NOT Pretty In Pink”
— hermit
Mustache rides are free,
he said, but hair care secrets?
That’s gonna cost ya.
— Morbo
These two hotts knew that
working on a Sex Farm would
lead them to Hell Hole.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Doctors Convention
Opens with new mascot, the
Full body prolapse.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Toxic Soup
A water sample sent to the CDC on 10/02/2012 reported back the following:
———–
Water — 38%
DNA — 11%
Puke — 9%
Poo — 8%
Saliva — 7%
Reproductive body fluids – 6%
Body fluids with the herp – 6%
Body hair — 5%
Jack Daniels – 3%
Cheap-ass Beer — 2.5%
Bits of hair grease –2.1%
Assorted sundry butt flecks — 0.9%
A rubber frog – 0.7%
The last shred of Cathy’s dignity — 0.1%
——-
Peter Pumpin'head and Mary Meet "The Brosenstein"
Every b-movie producer knows that sooner or later, worlds must collide.
Like in 2016, when a desperate Marvel Studios attempts to milk the last penny by releasing “The Avengers Meet Mr. Popper’s Penguins.” Although I might actually pay to see that one.
Trash Culture as Pop-Art: "Shminky and the Boob"
It’s s sort of the HCwDB equivalent of a Jeff Koons sculpture.
Ubiquitous Red Cup Vs. The Douchedanna
I sense a new song by They Might Be Giants.
His Name is Huang But Call Him Joe Gets Lucky
Good for you, My-Name-is-Huang-But-Call-Me-Joe. Even the ironic Herpster glasses are not enough to tag you a stage-1 ‘bagger.
For he has scored the rare and elusive Mayan-Eye-of-Coitus dreamgirl, My-Name-is-Roxanna-But-Won’t-Talk-To-You-Anyway-So-Don’t-Worry-About-It.
Assface Rich Kid New York Prep School Danny? Douche. Obvious douche. Mockworthy douche.
Ask DB1: The "Pro" Headphones Display
FlipFriddle writes in:
——-
FlipFriddle here. Another thing to ponder: lately at the private university where I work I’ve been noticing many of the trust-fund scrotes wearing obnoxious, huge, white or garishly colored headphones plugged into their displayed iPhones or hidden brown Zunes.
Sort of like they are mobile DJ taints bopping to their jams. Wearing these stupid things
seems to me to incur auto-douche.
What do you think? I’m sorry I don’t have any pics of said douches and possibly private school hotts.
——–
Autochoad.
So let it be written. So let it be done.
And I couldn’t find a pic to go with this letter, either. So here’s a nerdchoad showing a tattoo that was, and is, highly unnecessary.
