Brad Gets a Nottadouche
At first I was gonna tag Brad a full-on club choad for bothering the stripper auditions for the traveling roadshow musical theater workshop of “Showgirls: The Musical.”
But then I thought about it.
The hair? Not really douchey.
The shirt? Pretty average.
Sure Brad’s Running with the Goose and making a hand gesture, but all in all, it’s just not enough to tag him as a douche.
So here’s your nottadouche and goinpeace, Brad.
Friday Haiku
Spring Break woo girls, “Woo!”
Heathen Joe crosses the line,
Kelly’s butt: fondled.
Future researchers
Will study this choad’s dried pelt
Like the Dead Sea Scrolls
— Wedgie
What is proper greet?
Look him in eyes? Or read face?
Confounds Ms Manners!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Ahab stands in crowd
Watching Queequeg hunt Hotties
Moby Dick style
— jonezy
Who’s more desperate?
The girls with daddy issues
Or me for looking?
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Douche Maul is confused
Can’t remember which virgin
He left his sleeze in
— saulgoode42
Tatooed wanker dude
Ponders “Ass the other white meat”
Acid trip for skin
— Douchetastic Sam
Sometimes, when “raging
‘gainst the dying of the light”,
you should just give up.
— collossus of choads
Marty The Douchey Picture Frame Guy
If you ever wondered what the picture would look like that comes with a picture-frame bought in a really douchey-ass picture frame store, now you know.
Larry from Three’s Company wants his patented chest hair reveal back.
Tasty young Consuela has nowhere to run from this gringo onslaught. Next thing she knows, they’re sharing a Snuggie.
EDIT: Turns out Marty the Douchey Picture Frame Guy has a second job as one of the morning D.J.s on Washington D.C.’s Sports Junkies radio show. In case the douchey picture frame modeling business dries up.
Cries and Whispers and Joey Poo
It was Swedish auteur Ingmar Bergman who explored the use of a distinct cinematic language of stylized existentialism to paint themes of the psychological crisis of meaning.
It was Joey who left the seat up in the bathroom at Koi.
Hyman Lickowitz
Hyman Lickowitz has one thing to say to the kids: Dry, lifeless hair can take the fun out of your life. But you can put it back with Brylcreem!
The Greasepitz Pump Each Other Up (Via Stacy)
Woke up.
Fell out of bed.
Dragged a comb across my hea-… GAH!!!
Still out there.
Still pretending to be interested in tasty bottle blonde giggle gnaws like Stacy.
Still smelling like shoeleather and displaying toxic Groin Shave Reveal.
Too much too early. I blame last night’s tasty microwave Trader Joes burritos for this pic. And my poo.
Major Havoc Shirt Guy Runs With The Goose
There’s not really much to say about Major Havoc Shirt Guy and Suzie running with the Goose, except that it brought back a pleasant memory from your humble narrator’s childhood.
That period, in late 1984, when I owned Major Havoc at Cambridge’s late, great “1001 Plays.”
Reader Mail: Willem’s Rappercrud Tag
——
Subject: Utter D-Bag
This photo is of a cute friend and her utter d-bag boyfriend. He is such a d-bag it is almost is if he is trying to make an ironic statement about douchebaggery but unfortunately for her he is way too dumb for that.
The best part is that he thinks he’s rapper.
– Willem
——
That “video” may be the more reprehensible slice of humanity fail I’ve seen since the Criss Angel music career crisis of the late 2009s.
The Wankstabag category continues to be the most infuriating and perplexing, as hiphop wigga suburban shitestains long ago crossed into pathetic self parody and part time employment at Carl’s Jr. Tasty Barely Legal Belinda deserves far better. I scornfully reproach the failure of her parents as she complains about her struggling career as a custom jewelry designer, then stare at her pokey sideboob when she’s busy removing the swizzle stick from her appletini.
Sven and Silvia say, “Welcome to Olten-Zofingen!”
“Ze whistle is for when ze party is truly out of ze control!”
Meanwhile, Woody Allen contemplates suing Sven and Silvia for illegally stealing the set design for the brain sequence from 1972’s Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid To Ask. What? Too obscure?
Caption Omar’s Thought
“Is the shortest distance between two points still a line in a four dimensional curved universe? And why is there a red bump on my peepee?”
