Gunter’s Ding Ding Dong
The great “Gunter” would like you to touch his Tra-la-la.
Your Saturday Chinese Menu Tatt
You never know when Suzannah might want to order Beef Chow Fun in native Mandarin.
Your humble narrator just drank a flat leftover Mr. Pibb, ate two string cheese thingys, and tortured myself by watching two straight hours of VH1 programming. It’s a form of masochism. I occasionally like to engage in acts of self punishment for transgressions of the past. And, lets face it, that’s what VH1 is for.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Just when you think the hottie/douchey cohabit is waning, you remember that Vegas crusties like Hello Kitty Hott and The King of Sears are still out there.
Still shouting, “Bro! Wassup?” And then making intricate hand slaps with people whose names they can’t quite remember.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime!”
‘Baghunters beware! ‘Bag Tagging can be dangerous.
The best five minutes you can waste this weekend should be spent on appreciating the genius that is N.Y.C. (1983). Should’ve bought one of those Keith Harings or Basquiats.
An early candidate for douchiest athlete of 2011, Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant ejected from a mall for baggy pants, throws a fit.
The late, great Bill Hicks explains Christianity. We need you now more than ever, Bill.
Moronic pseudo-celebrity clown Chris Brown is still a douche. Or just wants to stay relevant. I know this story is boring and old, but it had to be noted for austerity.
For those who can truly appreciate a hot chick no matter the form of her jibblies, I give you Thailand’s Got Talent. And now I’m disturbed and questioning everything about myself.
When douchebag arrogance becomes dangerous.
In sign #523 of the impending douchepocalypse, The Fake Ab Concealer.
For those who missed it last week, “The Situation” reminds us what happens when douchebags try to do anything other than flex.
But you are not here to mock the pathetic packaging of The Situation. You are here for Pear:
That pic is like some weird hallucinogenic flashback to 80s hott fantasy. I’m talking Sherilyn Fenn 80s. Good times for the early pubescent development in your humble narrator.
I will toast the memories (mammories) of Fenn all weekend. For the weekend is uponst. And spring is here.
Tony Parker: ‘Bag / Nottabag?
NBA something or other Tony Parker, former husband of a desperate housewife, isn’t overtly that douchey.
So I put it to you. ‘Bag? Or Nottabag?
Friday Haiku
Vegan fun and games,
Jake’s cabbage smells like lettuce,
Cindy swears off meat.
Rebecca Romaine,
she’s not, but I’d still garnish
her with creamy ranch.
— Wheezer
I would not worry
About animal or plant
These two have fungi
— Dude McCrudeshoes
Someone’s chip-and-dip
was violated by Jake’s
hairway to heaven.
— Mr. White
Waiter, I believe
I ordered some pear in this
salad not crushed nuts.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
New Age catheter
And toxin-free beast milk pumps
Home based business bust
— Vin Douchal
Adam Sandler tests
for his next big waste of film:
It’s Little Dicky
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Vinnie Celebrates HCwDB Turning 5
Only four days late. The Real Housewives of Sherman Oaks are only mildly amused.
Ask DB1: The Self Portrait Pearadox
—-
Dear Sir.
I am the ever present Anonymous, a ubiquitous lurker who only until recently started posting. I kept the anonymous name because for some reason at work the posting came with a burglar’s mask in the face where the avatar would go, and frankly couldn’t think of a proper name. Hence, until such time, I will remain anonymous.
Many things have I learned from this educational site. Among them, many strange phenomena amongst the douchebag elements of society. None more vapid and narcissistic than the cell phone mirror preening pose photo. It makes me sick to my stomach. That is, when guys do it.
However, I submit for your consideration the following: cell phone mirror preening pose pear. For it is succulent and good. And not to mention the fact that her booty shorts bear a shamrock with the words 69 in Gaelic written in it. I hope you enjoy.
Anonymous (for now)
——
The pose is quintessential doucheyness but the pear is succulent. And so we come face-to-pear with yet another example of the douchadox, the conflicting impulses of pear appreciation (“apearciation”) in a Bleethy world.
Caption This Pic
The Cast of The W.B.’s low rated sit-com, “Hey Man! Why You Be Hatin’?” tried to forget about their recent cancellation by partying it up at L.A. hotspot “Le Bedd.”
Johnny Tonguebag
One of the hardest douches to tag in the wild, the rare and elusive Tonguebag only comes out when the hills are swollen with rain and supple spank.
EDIT: The ‘Baghunters pay tribute to the jibblies of curvaceous mound in the comments thread:
Deltus: I would handwalk across the men’s bathroom floor at a Metallica concert and then sissy-slap an incontinent rhino just for the opportunity to dry hump the salesperson who sold her that dress.
Hermit: I’d suck the tiny droplets of cranberry juice which ooze from betwixt her heaving milk vessels, using a kiln-fired straw molded by a lesbian, hairy potter, from clay scraped off the tires of a ‘97 Land Rover which has just returned from a tour of bowling ball manufacturing facilities in the Holy Lands.
Vinnie and Angie Teach Infant Nursing Care
It’s all part of a new series of highly innovative Lamas Classes.
