I'm Nothing But a Hater
—–
To whomever runs this stupid sight-
You’re nothing but a hater. Just thought you shoud know.
– S.B.
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Perhaps, S.B, but if there’s two things I do know, it’s that I love treats, and I ate chew.
I’m Nothing But a Hater
—–
To whomever runs this stupid sight-
You’re nothing but a hater. Just thought you shoud know.
– S.B.
—–
Perhaps, S.B, but if there’s two things I do know, it’s that I love treats, and I ate chew.
Honorary Douchebag of the Month: Mel Gibson
A two time winner here at HCwDB, congrats to Mel Gibson and his baby momma Oksana Something for earning this well deserved HCwDB of the Month title.
It’s probably way redundant at this point, but whattadouche.
Hey Mel, the Jews didn’t kill your God and your father’s a testes gargle.
Muggy Rodriguez
Muggy Rodriguez is your standard issue Dallas Douche (stupid shirt, stupid face, white belt, spiker hair, etc.)
But Rosalyn on the right’s breasteses are a once in a lifetime glory of glories high holiday holiest of holies with a Leonard Cohen Hallelujah thrown in on high speed remix.
Their soft nuzzly nuzzles must be triple-taked to be appreciated. Looked at once. Then double taked. Then triple taked. And then spit taked. And then out taked. And then a quiet moment of repose with a nice port wine.
Her best friend, Candy, is quality hottsicle as well, and I thank both of their mothers for genetic gifts, and their fathers for emotional coldness leading to revealing clothing purchasing beginning in their early teen years.
Swimmer Librarian Hott Voted
Swimmer Librarian Hott brought her eyeglasses and her Modelbag by to vote in the HCwDB of the Week.
Have you voted yet?
HCwDB of the Week
This is a quality smackdown. Three supreme all beef patty choices. You know the drill. Bring it. Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Frogger and Leanne, aka Lily Pad Hott
About time we get some Kid Rock classic Southern Douchebag all up in this bisquit.
Froggy is classic roadkill chum.
Elvis glasses, hat tilt and ‘tude.
And lets not forget, The Frogger’s Lily Pad Pear Grab (aka “the day the music died”).
The opposition between quality female form and truck runover worthy Bawdiggaba da douchey douchey douchey is strong with this one.
But strong enough to be award winning shoe scrape?
Southern Kid Rock Trashbag types have rarely won a Weekly.
Could this be the tide turn? And by tide turn, I mean Lily’s lickable wallpaper?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Tang and Shoshanna
Strange mutant camera angle that shrinks The Tang’s legs into stumpy twigs is complimented by a second pic of The Tang in which The Tang may or may not actually be The Tang.
This is just all sorts of weirdness.
For The Tang is not just spikey haired orangedouche. He’s also an important technological innovation.
You see, the Tang was famously invented by NASA in the 1970s to insure that astronauts wouldn’t fear death in the case of emergency. If the Shuttle was in trouble, all the astronauts had to do was realize that The Tang existed, and life would seem meaningless and death a welcome release.
And there’s two pics of sweet wholesome Polly Purebread boobie gnaw in the form of sorority pledging Shoshanna.
The dialectic is strong with this pairing. But enough to win the Weekly? What about:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Mountinis and Kimberly
Bringing deep shame to Canada, the atrocious Mountinis continued to mug Kimberly until they gave up and went for Appletinis.
Add up the douchetributes:
Greased widow peak hair on Mountini Fred.
Roided up orangebag status.
And poor Kimberly. All she wanted to do was find a decent boy to make out with in the greater Trois-Rivières area.
(Dis)honorable mention to Boris, who brought Suzie’s perfect boobage but a bit too ironic dressup to make the Weekly, the creepy goth douche of Nick Preps for Brain Surgery, and the hotness of Paid to Pose Lisa who got snagged by The Spike Brothers.
But them’s your three HCwDB finalists, and all three are quality. Which will rise to the top (bottom) and earn our first slot in the next HCwDB of the Month?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
EDIT: And while you’re voting, take a moment to remember the unique voice and brilliance of Harvey Pekar.
How to Fake Your Six Pack Abs
Some douchebags discover their talents through sheer instinct.
Others take lessons from annoyingly voiced pixie Asian chicks.
The Spiker Lurks
The Spiker knows the power of drunk chick.
He does not have to look with his eyes.
For The Spiker senses all with his spike.
Friday Thoughts and Links
A quiet post July 4th week of hangover here at HCwDB, but things are rapidly firing up for Monday with a nasty smackdown HCwDB of the Week vote.
Your humble narrator is back in the city of Angels, freshly shaved and shorn and smelling like petunias. Or maybe that’s just sweatsock.
Season #3 of Is She Really Going Out With Him? begins shooting in a few weeks in Boston and Scottsdale. And your humble narrator is prepping a new show and finding artful ways to scratch his nethers in public.
HC1 even created an account and may pop into the threads from time to time, so keep a lookout. Times are good. And the weekend is here.
Here’s your links:
HCwDB’s own ‘Bag Huntress extraordinaire, Dicy takes a self portrait, causes telescopic ground erections.
Reader Captain Lame notices a new North Face sleeping bag campaign targeting douchebags, does some creative editing to bring out the subtext.
Manny Manuel proves the old addage: Never trust anyone with two first names. Who is also a scrotepud.
Former reality T.V. mill grist, John Gosselin, attempts to cling to fame by getting increasingly choadier.
Ferrari Guy For Hire. Uhm… yeah. Lets just move on.
The Jersey Shore cast continues to try to sell fist pumping as ironic and self aware. Yeah, and Leni Riefenstahl was just a filmmaker.
That’s right, kids. A Leni Riefenstahl reference. Find that over at The Chive. Actually, if you wait a few days, you probably will.
Proving that Hip Hop and the Crisis of Masculinity in the age of deconstructionism are creating scads of purported heterosexuals in acts of extreme homoerotica, The Brothabags Go Dickslanging.
A little Asian Librarian Nerd Hott makes the world a better place.
Douchebag Bathroom Self-Portraiture moves from trend to full-blown viral infestation. And more. And yet more.
But you’re not here simply to mock Douchebag Bathroom Self Portraiture. You’re also here for the Pear.
Here ya go, a triptych of art pear:
And finally, Shakespear.
In honor of Shakespear: Butt soft!! What light through yonder thigh cheek breaks? It is the east, and Juliet has glorious glutes!
Go forth, kids. For the weekend is uponst.
Slick Rick Wears a Headband
Other than the headband, Slick Rick isn’t really noteworthy as an anthropological douchebag specimen.
So why run the pic?
Because I would like to heartily encourage America’s young adult women of quality curviture, like Sophie and Lisa here, to embrace on the dance floor, and slyly fondle each other.
Don’t think of it as faux lesbianism for the male gaze. Think of it as giving back to the larger community.
