Nick Preps for Brain Surgery
Don’t worry, Nick. There’s still hope.
Carol’s bartending career is just temporary until she can pay off all that debt from her trip with Kendra and Maryliene to Cancun back on that crazzzy summer of ’09. It was worth it.
Froggy Hops on Lily
Froggy does not appropriately appreciate Lily’s firm boobage with due attention paid.
He usually just passes out by the computer after placing his bets for the day on various sporting events, including baseball, Aussie Rules Football and Jai Alai.
Except every third Sunday or so, when Froggy summons enough energy to give Lily at least 45 seconds of boring, unsatisfying coitus in standard missionary position.
Which she will describe in great detail to her therapist through tears and a determination to someday discover the “real Froggy.” What’s “really in there, underneath the unfriendly and disinterested exterior.”
And what’s in there is flies.
MeatMo and the Long Island Jiglettes
MeatMo may wear sunglasses two sizes to small. And his sidekick, Orange Asian, may have an aversion to full time employment and nuance.
But together, the Long Island Jiglettes didn’t stand a chance.
The Mountinis
With a backlog of amazing submissions, this week is chock full of ‘bag, so while there may not be a vote, lets get our mock on.
First up, Canada’s shameful The Mountinis.
A modern conceptual inversion of the rural and rugged Canadian Mounties, The Mountinis tan and shave with the worst of douche culture. And are hitting on Kimberly with fullblown global Grieco Virus in effect.
Yikes.
Next thing you know, they’ll start sipping Appletinis like the true oranged up roidbags they are.
Blame Canada?
Don’t mind if I do.
Monday's HCwDB Engine Fires Up
Your humble narrator is on his way back from a drunken traverse through rural New Hampshire with HotChick1, so no HCwDB of the Week this week.
Special callbacks to the many readers from New Hampshire who wrote in offering to ‘bag hunt with your humble narrator, including Christopher and Obi-Choad. Next time, fellow ‘bag hunters, we will hunt the rural New England Lakedouche together. But this time was private time for HC1.
That being said, there are a number of quality mock pics already vying for the next HCwDB of the Week, and I have a bunch fired up in the hopper for this week.
So lets clear that July 4th hangover and get our mockin’ and lustin’ on (said in a New Hampshire twang). For our job is not even remotely done.
Bring it, fellow hunters. I can’t do this alone.
Monday’s HCwDB Engine Fires Up
Your humble narrator is on his way back from a drunken traverse through rural New Hampshire with HotChick1, so no HCwDB of the Week this week.
Special callbacks to the many readers from New Hampshire who wrote in offering to ‘bag hunt with your humble narrator, including Christopher and Obi-Choad. Next time, fellow ‘bag hunters, we will hunt the rural New England Lakedouche together. But this time was private time for HC1.
That being said, there are a number of quality mock pics already vying for the next HCwDB of the Week, and I have a bunch fired up in the hopper for this week.
So lets clear that July 4th hangover and get our mockin’ and lustin’ on (said in a New Hampshire twang). For our job is not even remotely done.
Bring it, fellow hunters. I can’t do this alone.
Happy July 4th!
To my fellow Americans, happy 4th!! To the rest of the world, sorry about Snooki. And to Canadians, Justin Bieber sucks.
Here’s a clip that is yet more from the avalanche of uncredited HCwDB “inspired” douchebag comedy bits that makes your humble narrator itchy and annoyed (alls I ask for is a link/credit). This video came out late last year, but it is somewhat amusing. So hells, lets go for it on July 4th as a public service message.
That being said, major loss of points for mentioning the craptastic “The Dirty” instead of HCwDB.
Gino the Ginny Hits Jones Beach
Gino’s been around for awhile, and is trying to cash in on the “ironic” douchebaggery in the wake of The Jersey Shore, but this is still kinda amusing, with quality editing genius, on this weekend holiday with so many ‘bags at the beach.
Friday Thoughts and Links
As we wind down the vacation week of July 4th here in the United States, your humble narrator heads for the beautiful rolling hills of rural New Hampshire. Which is newer than Old Hampshire. But not as new as New New Hampshire.
I’ll mostly be drinking, carving figures from birch wood, hiking the Appalachan trail of my mind and percolating on my inner glow.
I plan to meditate on gender normativity. Contemplate the perfection of boobal primacy. And eat a crapload of Twinkies.
Here’s your links:
The greatest invention of the 21st Century, by far: Poo Trap.
A “Duckface” montage for those who like mocking Bleeths.
HCwDB non-legend, Kettlehead, posts the classic iPhone Douchebag Self Portrait on his MySpace page.
My nomination for most underrated great comedy of the 1990s: Bill Murray’s brilliant “Quick Change”. “It’s bad luck just seeing a thing like that.”
More Quick Change genius: Whed-har-to?
Via Failblog, HCwDB legend Poo has a long lost twin sister, Princess Pooia. She was hidden so the Empire wouldn’t know of her affront to 19th Century minstrel shows.
And from a Star Wars reference, we come to the real crux of the situation. And it is this:
Perfect, suckleable mounts of glutteous pristineous. Cabana Pear is not actually in a cabana. Or is it?
Mull this quantum question of the metaphysical, and rejoice. For the holiday weekend is here. And your humble narrator is drunk and lost in the rural.
The Tang and Soshanna Run With The Goose
Do I smell an HCwDB of the Week finalist in this unholy pairing between sweet college student and Tang Douche? Yes. Yes I do.
Oh wait. That’s just my socks.
Stupid laundry detergent. That most certainly does not smell like a summer breeze.
Well. Maybe a summer breeze in Cleveland.
