Friday Haiku
Whoa! Lookit them buns!
She pines for a sugar cube;
‘Bag nipple deflates.
***Excellent work, faithful mockers; I giggled at this week’s Fraiku™ more giddily than Jacques Douchetou™ murdering Justin Bieber™ in a veal stall with a claw hammer. I’m adding a new Easter Egg from hereforthwith; them what wins the Internet™ with the sturdiest Fraiku™ (denoted in bold red™) will also have a link embedded in their missive that will lead to Pear™. As I further convalesce, I shall also endeavor to do the occasional pear-laden Thoughts n’ Links™ since I now sit atop an impressive pile o pear thanks to the generous submissions of you web-trolling horn-dogs…the heroic douche-bag regs, or as I think of you, the d’regs™. 23™. Son™ ***
Opie done got swole
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
Opie’s arm — bigger
Than his head, and smarter too
Only dates horses
Nipplestopheles
gut punches that which he does
not understand: shirts
It puts the horse face
In the basket, or it gets
The hose..The pee hose.
I’d put her heinie
In the basket and f*ck it
I’d f*ck it, I says
Must be a mistake
I thought that show was canceled
“Two and a Half Men”
I’ve got a haunch that
the make a wish foundation
needs new management.
Bent Nipple, Gaysian
and Man Face. These sitcoms get
worse every year.
Shirtless dude peddles:
“Nips point way of stock market”
Buffett divests all
Cheryl Crowe horse face
Can crush walnuts with her ass
Flexy McPec sucks
That chick’s gristle hole
Could cut some poor dude’s penis
Clean half in two, Son
Nipsy Fluffle shows
off his form for tonight’s
wankfest in men’s room.
Friday Haiku
Duck Face? Aw Hell Naw.
Tool-Bag introduces the
Courtney Love Vag-Face…
***The Mock is small but STRONG this cycle, alert readers; much like storied pro wrestler Igor Putksi. Son. In a hard choice, Vin D wins the InterWebs because of the Kafka-esque hopelessness of his acerbic post…
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
They smell like those pork
Sausages with the fancy
Names Portuguese.
hermit said…
Semitic trio
Has a real reason to fear
Midget ISIS dude
Vin Douchal said…
Daffy Duck poses
Chicks will laugh at photobomb
‘Til job interview
Charles Douchewin said…
Meanwhile, backstage
the Bona Killahs pose with
their number one fan.
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
It puts the fist on
The chin, or it gets the
Hose. Filthy bitch hose.
Vin Douchal said…
Background dudes all stunned
Paid for these Bleeths drinks all night
Cabbie takes them home
Charles Douchewin said…
Joe Plaidman is on
a mission. A mission to
locate the exit.
Jacques Doucheteau said…
Dan puts on a stiff
upper lip, it’s the only
thing he can get stiff.
The Dude said…
Three hotts that look like
Ariella Ferrera!?
Tool-Bag will get ditched.
Pre-Emptive Fraiku
Awright, ye miscreants…I’ma be traveling to Sacramento this week so I am posting this gem early, and will pick them what win teh interwebs around Sunday night or so, depending on airport free wi-fi and/or how many baby Jack Daniels I consume en route back home…so have at:
Begone, Sanskrit Douche!
Holly Hunter Hardbody
And Mons Bridge beckons…
Party in Vegas,
Family crest, man-faced
hottie, life is good.
She eats Red Lobster
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
Building a Mons Bridge
Without a future is quite
Common in Vegas
Tatt says “Objects look
bigger when drunk” that’s why Chaz
is always hammered.
How badass is he?
He only cried a little
while getting tattooed
If his fingers squeeze her
any harder, will perform
appendectomy!
Yummie Mons and boobs;
too bad she doesn’t notice
the ‘bag stuck to her
Script on upper pec
States, “If found unconscious, please
“Use some vaseline”
Her glittery cans
can’t distract from… did you say
something? Because, ABS.
Crest of the famed Von
Scrote clan. Dishwashers to the
Royal Family
Ice Man and Maverick
bury the hatchet after
surgery success.
How badass is he?
Mom matched swimsuit to DoucheWatch,
Paid for this hooker
She kind of looks like
An Alpha-female with the
Rabid Badger face.
***Rabbi’s Badger? -D.S.***
Rabid Badger Face
Was punk band I managed in
1982
Rabid Badger face
always results from surprise
anal, without lube.
His family crest
is a head in a golf bag
on a sunken chest
His hard, icy glare
Belies the fact that inside
he just shit his pants
Friday Haiku – March 21, 2005
Behold, my Brethren:
Before us: Short Stanley and
The Hills of L.A.
****Doc B wins the internet in an outstanding mock-fest this week, w/ honorable mutterings by Wheezer, Charles D and Jacques BadLinks****
What a Hillsome babe!
Is she really nine feet tall?
Our survey says, Schwing!!
Oh! those shorts conceal
the pleasure of mons reveal.
Pacific skin, sun.
NeckBeard, the pirate
goes ashore to score booty,
and her treasured chest.
Midget LA clown
escapes PBR bulls and
finds better udders!
The Leaning Tower
Of Bleeth is too much for Short
Stanley, needs stunt cockk
Wonders why dentist
Knocks her out for just cleaning
Wakes up with sore vag
Little Al wants to
take ride on her Matterhorns.
Too bad size does count.
Haven’t heard from Rev
Since the Ottawa shooter
Was apprehended.
.
Too soon?
He uses ladder
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
No recall for her.
A pull of the belly chain
lets airbags inflate.
Beverly’s Hills are
9-0-2-1-0-so-nice;
gotta motorboat
His hand looks like dwarf’s
on her waist. Her’s on his dick
like Shaq palms marble.
When the ancient Japanese poets created the Haiku, I don’t think “her c*nt smelled like pee” was what they had in mind.
Belated post-bender Fraiku Sunday Penance
In this photograph
Five things are shaved bald and slick;
One is visible…
Reflexively, I
reached for my ugly stick. I,
see I’m not the first.
This chubby trio
Would fill my house with laughter
’til they cleaned out ‘fridge
Put the drinks down, girls.
They’re loaded with calories
and some GHB.
Those drinks cost more than
All of the boob jobs combined
Should have got nose jobs
Xanax-spiked drinks must
be kicking in by looks on
their faces. Douche just waits.
Pacific Rim Job
The new Girl Group from Taiwan
But they might be guys
Howey Mandel’s kid
brother bang’s Charlie’s Angels
with…nope, I’m still drunk.
Black chick in the back
Bringing shit-breath bald asshole
A bottle of Scope
Friday Haiku
He’s Nostril-DumbAss;
Can he predict the future
Of these young ladies…?
*******
It’s a 3-way this week…which is more than NostrilDumbAss could muster that night.
*******
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
Quartasian Triad
Prepare Monkey Holes for the
Neckbeard Convention.
hermit said…
ISIS soldier stands
sixty-seven virgins short
At the gates of hell
DoucheyWallnuts said…
Despite the Wacky Eye
Middle Bleeth gives me renoB
Sapphic embrace helps
The Dude said…
Three toss offs from the
Kardashian lab are loose
for halloween prowl
Ed Hardy Har Har said…
How do calves that small
keep white skirt Bleeth’s phenom ass
upright off the ground?
DoucheyWallnuts said…
Hairless Quims await
Impending Meat Curtain fest
Waldouche has no shot
Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said…
“I am relevant!”
shouts Hakeem over techno
beat. No one else cares.
Vin Douchal said…
Jaleel photobombs
Next, security’s tasers
And zip-tied perp walk
^**honorable fuccen mention**
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
White skirt hott’s feet so
Small she can’t stand still. Grabs friend
To stabilize tits.
hermit said…
Dude had his last bath
When mama’s water broke
He’s still sticky, Son(s)
Capt. James T. Douche said…
Bottle rats are paid
To pose while Douche McCracken
Poses nostril hairs
Wheezer said…
Predict his future:
He ain’t touchin’ those boo-tays
…..and neither am I.
Friday Haiku. Yo.
Girls love their BeefCakes.
They will soon find out these lunks
Are really CrabCakes.
.
Behold a stunning bounty of Mock; excellent work, Son(s)…
.
Magnum Douche P.I. said…
The combined I.Q.’s
of these bags and bleeths is less
than their V.D. strains
.
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
It doesn’t eat grain
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole
.
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
It puts the ‘roid creme
In the basket or it gets
The hose. The Vain hose.
.
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
I’d flog the two trim
Ladies with my Vanity Hose
In Olestra Hole.
.
***REV IS ON FIII-YAHH***
.
hermit said…
Sign on front door says,
“No shoes, no shirt, no entry”
Dudes cum in back door
.
DoucheyWallnuts said…
There is an inverse
Relationship between lean
Torsos and IQ
.
Wheezer said…
Remember Prep H?
They’ll vanish if they use more;
give them a truckload.
.
hermit said…
The retard on left
Has a penis implanted
Above his right hip *<–Alert Reader Special Mention*
.
DoucheyWallnuts said…
In a shirtless world
These 5 would be royalty
But it’s not, they ain’t
.
Vin Douchal said…
Supplements? We don’t
Need no stinkin’ supplements
Get protein elsewhere
.
Jacques Doucheteau said…
Photo op with hots
show these guys are straight before
the docking party
.
**EDIT – Do NOT Google “Docking Party”. Or anything else referenced by J.D. – Admin**
.
Jacques Doucheteau said…
Girls get to watch up
close as dudes lay cable
on each other’s chest.
.
**See above – Admin**
.
Charles Douchewin said…
Eurasian bleeth-hulk:
“You won’t like me when angry!”
I still ask for date.
Friday Haiku
Her breasts are quite large,
Just as sure as my name is
Captain Obvious.
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
Gets paid to store hams
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
The Dude said…
Hark! The Karl Rove twins
Lurk behind Kimye’s tit sling
Like plump fruits of fall.
Dickie Fingers said…
She was attractive
Until the truck hit her face
hence the new bumpers
Charles Douchewin said…
S(he) bends some gender.
This douchebag is his own bleeth.
DarkSock bends my mind.
Magnum Douche P.I. said…
Should have spent money
on gunt reduction and face
transplant. Gunt I says.
Vin Douchal said…
I once won C-Note
“Biggest Catch” deep sea fishing
Hooked something like this
Ed Hardy Har Har said…
Needs to stop sucking
in air, before she explodes!
Silicon blast zone!
DoucheyWallnuts said…
Her fake Yam Passage
Can accommodate 5 d*cks
Including her own
hermit said…
All week she tends bar
Weekend gigs at kid’s parties
One-woman Bounce House
hermit said…
Lying on her back
She looks a whole lot like the
Sydney Opera House
Wheezer said…
Holy smokes, those BOOBS!
They might be fake, but they’re BOOBS!
Motorboat those BOOBS!
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
I think Dark Sock is
Messing with us. Or real bad
Meningitis, Son.
Friday Haiku
Sheldon has evolved
Wayyy past duck-face; this is called
Man-Girl™ Suck-Pucker™
DoucheyWallnuts said…
Trish gives The Shocker
One in the Brown, Pull the Balls Down
Gets Kent’s attention
Vin Douchal said…
Cute chick but stinkpuss
Sheldon goes down all night long
Now spitting fish scales
hermit said…
Pull out anal beads,
like starting a lawn mower
And you’ll look like him
Dickie Fingers said…
It almost looks like
He inserted the gyro
before going out
The Dude said…
Puckering Sheldon
Needs a trash can to the face
Hott gives better head
hermit said…
Brief note to Admin:
If you want to hide these posts
Place them far down page
***EDIT*** It’s a fair cop, hermit
James Abbott McNeill Whistler
Ah but yes…noted artiste James Abbott McNeill Whistler. He has nothing to do with this preppy douche, who should be pushed into a tire fire.
Since we’re dealing with random bon mots, here’s:
Bon Appetit!
