Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Reader Mail: Collar Pop Invades France

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Hi there db1,

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What’s the French word for “douche” again? Oh, that’s right. Audigier.

EDIT: As scrotum pole correctly notes in the comments threads: The French invented the popped collar.

My Swagger Sucks

But on the bright side, my face isn’t melting like sagging cookie dough.

The Minibra

Carrying on in the tradition of HCwDB legend and joyous consumer of tasty cola products, the immortal Bra!!, The Minibra brings arm tatts, ginormous watch, and happy demeanor to his mugging of Bleethy ‘Baguette, Rachel.

The Minibra is a minimal but solid stage-1 bottom rung douche. The arm tatt itself would be enough to qualify. But it’s the hand gesture + watch-strap that take him over the edge from pud to ‘bag.

Sadly, Rachel is a swirl of Sorority Mess herself, sadly lost to the ways of choad.

Which would all be understandable if this wasn’t taking place in a 14th Century Conquistador torture chamber meant for Mayan heretics.

The Three Bromigos

Yeah, three overweight soccer dads do not serious douchebags make.

But the hotts are gnaw hott.

And it gives me an excuse to link to this genius.

And this. Goodnight, Ned.

Reader Mail: One Day We Will Be as Popular With the Girls and as Sexi as Him

hahahaha responds in the comments thread of last week’s KFC post:

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you fools… im deff in this picture and i can bet i make more money then you ever willll : ) , have a much more expensive car, and have a high education then you have achieved in life lol … kind of sad…..

one day you guys will be as popular with the girls and as sexi as us…. ONE DAY… so keep hiding behind the computer orrrr blast out a pix of you to shut us down so we can stop this nonsense lol but i doubt you will ; ) bu byeee

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Once I blasted out a pix to shut us down, but Amoxocillin cleared it right up.

DJ Bello Voted in the HCwDB of the Week

DJ Bello took time off from frolicking in parking lots outside suburban McDonalds to stop by and vote in the HCwDB of the Week.

Bello was so excited to vote, he even bothered to find a hottie to pretend to be interested in for the duration of a photograph.

Good on you, Frolic Boy. Now breaktime’s over. I’ll have the #12, but with onion rings instead of fries. And a large Mr. Pibb.

HCwDB of the Week

This week’s selection of buffet-style schroad/hott involves classic douche/boob cohabit. As such, it’s a pretty tough choice. Here’s your noms:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Crayon Gary and Simona

C.G. is a perfect illustration of hottie/douchey dialectics.

As Marx explained in his inversion of Hegelian power structures, class and societal fracture, the circulation of douchebag meaning becomes amplified when in the presence of quality boobie suckle. The tainshmeg can only define itself by that which it shmegs its taint on.

And that tatt, real or not, is uberpud.

I’m working on a theory about the act of body marking, primitivity and the split in the psyche between the real and the virtual causing a need to reinscribe the body through marking.

But that lecture is for another time. Today is the Weekly. And Crayon Gary is punch worthy, while Simona asks me softly and in a lilting voice to massage her thigh muscles with chicken fat and a soft boiled egg.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Flex Luthor and Jennifer

Flex Luthor hatches his grand scheme to capture Boobiewoman!!

Okay, enough with the comic book riff. Cuz I was a Green Arrow fan, myself.

Flex Luthor brings classic roided up Jerzbaggery. And dammit, classic Jerz poo still rankles me, even if in the age of “Jersey Shore” it seems less mockworthy than it once did.

And lets not forget Flex and Jen’s Beefy #2.

Flex and Jen used to be that classic Jerz Douche / Hot Chick combo that fueled the site.

But in an age of ear and chest scarring, giant ear holes and Jed The Creepy Wankscrote, maybe we cannot un-see this next generation of douche.

And Jennifer is delightful purity drinkable leg water.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Melanie and the Suckerfish

Melanie rounds out the third of our three quality of H.C. sides of the hottie/douchey equation with curvy aplomb.

And by curvy aplomb, I mean, well, curvy aplomb.

I would pooch. And lick. And then tap dance.

The Suckerfish is an exploding head of douchewankery.

He deserves mock for the face. The hair. The shirt. And even by looking at a pic, we all know that his feet smell like gouda.

Together, they make poo.

(Dis)honorable mention to Militia Max, who, as Wheezer so rightly puts out, features Meghan from last June’s Kitchenbag. Meghan loves her Jerz Douche beefy. Also (dis)honorable mention to the KFC Scrotal Melt Sandwich and the hilariously clueless Crowdbag.

But them’s your three.

Now I turn to you. I want you. I need you. To pee on their rug. Which tied the room together.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

Douchebags and Parking Lots: Like Jersey and Gum Snap

Proving that empty parking lots at 2am are the clarion call for all late night douchebags, I give you HCwDB legend DJ Bello.

Still out there. Still frolicking. Without women. In parking lots.

Normally we require both a Hot Chick and a Douchebag to be on the site. But for the hilarity of DJ Bello, we make an exception.

Your Saturday “What Would Douchey Party Guy Do?”

When Douchey Party Guy Meets Orange Trampy Hott at the raginest kegger since Kevin’s grandma died and he got that inheritance, what will Douchey Party Guy do?

1. Inquire as to the status of her evening.

2. Offer to acquire her a glass of quality Shiraz from the nearby kitchen/cooler/keg area.

3. Begin to discuss Marcel Proust and the shift in literature during late modernity.

4. Ask her to turn around so he can touch her ass.

Answer here.

Your Saturday "What Would Douchey Party Guy Do?"

When Douchey Party Guy Meets Orange Trampy Hott at the raginest kegger since Kevin’s grandma died and he got that inheritance, what will Douchey Party Guy do?

1. Inquire as to the status of her evening.

2. Offer to acquire her a glass of quality Shiraz from the nearby kitchen/cooler/keg area.

3. Begin to discuss Marcel Proust and the shift in literature during late modernity.

4. Ask her to turn around so he can touch her ass.

Answer here.