-
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wankus McHannibull Shaves His Groin
Say what you will about Wankus McHannibull’s groin shave reveal, but for some rural sticks watering hole, them’s some quality hottitnes he’s pulling.
Sally, Sonja and Suzannah are a six pack of premium boobobulousness, so an 80s slow clap is well deserved.
And Sally even demonstrates the rare Mayan Eye of Coitus Through Sunglasses. Nicely done, Sally. I salivate your pooch like a premium popsicle and slap a ferret with a pitchfork.
Thursday, August 18, 2011Lil Pepe Gets a Nottadouche
Ya know Lil’ Pepe, if you need to bust the open collar + bling Mehico giggolo look, good on you.
Have a nottadouche and a goinpeace.
Life’s rough enough as it is.
And if you can score some Drunk Caroline boobal fondle, alls the better.
But if I find that you’re not a Lil’ Pepe, you’re actually Average Pepe and just happen to be sitting on a couch, ‘bag is back in play.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011HCwDB After Dark
Well hello there!! Come on in!!
Would you like a damp towel? Monsoon season has been rough and you might need to get the prickle stains off your caftan.
Head on over to the lanai.
Enjoy some tasty fried malomars over in the step down veranda/bar.
There’s gefilte ceviche over by the firepit if you get hungry.
It’s HCwDB After Dark.
Where anything goes. Even zen guys with beards watching douches grab at ass pear. And smoking jackets are optional.
And Pear is plentiful.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina Win At the Game Of Orange!!
You know where this is going.
After each has had their own adventures, Poppa Squatter, The Poopaloompa, The Jizz Singer, Pumpito and Brazilian Emo Hulk are recruited by Dr. Redderick Lobster to form a superleague of douche poo and orange to battle the evil mastermind Poo.
“The Toileteers.”
Flushing. Fall, 2012.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011Ask DB1: Generation ‘Bag?
HCwDB Hall of Mock member Doc Bunsen Honeydouche has a query for the millennial set:
——-
What will this generation be known as? My generation was Gen X. The next one was Gen Y (totally lame and unimaginative). Will this one be known as the Facebook Generation or the Douchebag Generation?
———
I was thinking more like “Generation Cocktockulus.” Think it’ll catch on?
Once, I screamed “You kids get off my lawn.” But it was at a bunch of billy goats. So it was justified.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011Johnny Lives the Dream
The dream involves mandanahead.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011The Greasepitz Pose with the Amanda Sisters
Crazes Eyes Killah (aka Jared) knows one thing, and one thing only in this short, abbreviated, fist pumping life.
The bigger the pec, the more the vacuous and insipid free verse may be inscribed upon it. Like psuedo-spiritual wisdom peed on a kumquat.
Amanda #2 offers the raucus curves of greyhound race fondle spank poocher firefly slap summer harvest peach chomple chew. And for that, I burn frankincense and mur to honor the purity of her mamms.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011Lance Holds On to 36 As Long As He Can
Tastefully sexy Marjorie knows that the silly star patterns go on bikini, not the chest area.
Lance read a book once.
It was by Deepak Chopra.
He was confused. And bored. So he had a beer.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011Poppa Squatter Gets Jiggy With The Proverbial It
Little known Poppa Squatter trivia:
1. The lost Led Zeppelin track from 1974, When the Pigeons Poop, was originally dedicated to Poppa Squatter.
2. Once on the bullet train in Haikato, Japan, a dozen screaming Japanese teenagers fainted at the sight of Poppa Squatter, believing he was the reincarnation of feudal Japanese demigod “Orangito.”
3. The great orange grove freeze of 2007, depressing the crop harvest enough that Duke & Duke almost cornered the frozen orange juice market, was caused by a secret Nasa experiment involving Poppa Squatter, a jar of Vasoline, and a mirror.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011Ask DB1: Andy Warhol and Hipsterbaggery
————
Hey DB1,
I just wanted to ask you a question about Andy Warhol, and how he is an inspiration to hipsterbags.
I mean, he had some talent, but his main talent was being a pretentious, amoral media whore who would sell his art, persona, soul, and possibly his mother’s soul to the highest bidder. Yet somehow he still maintained his status as “edgy” and “alternative”.
Is this not the ultimate goal of all hipsterbags, to sell out, make millions, and still be a pretentious jackwad? Does this not make Warhol the hipsterbag version of the Grieco?
Just wondering..
– Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche
——-
I think some art critics would find the vacuity of Warhol as a performance art critique of vacuity itself, but it is an intriguing question.
Warhol would have to be considered an example of the Rockstar Leniency Rule in action, even if the Factory did contain a number of protodouches hangers-on types. When you’re a game changer as an artist or musician, leeway is granted for absurdity performed in the pursuit of artistic impact.
Same reason Salvador Dali would never be called a proto-bag despite greasy Italian facial fung reveal. And, of cours, why Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.
Total pass for Warhol. None, however, for Julian Schnabel
