Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Thoughts and Links

Remember when Peter Gibbons explained the simple truths about history?

How there were pieces of flair that the Nazis made the Jews wear that first established the vacuous consumer culture in which class is identified through the commodification of identity?

Heed the words of Peter Gibbons, Jerzey Tatthole. For you are Ric Flaired.

No idea what the hell I’m saying. But I’m still in NYC. Where Hot Chicks read the New York Times.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: ” I don’t need this. I already got trouble with my kids, my wife, my business, my secretary, the bums… the runaways, the roaches, prickly heat, and a homo dog. This just ain’t my day. “

Aging men turning to Botox for job interviews. In as rough an economy as we’re in, it’s hard to know whether to mock this or feel deep anger for how badly Wall Street pounded us in the pooper.

It’s pretty hard to get me excited to see a movie these days, since so many are pure poocrap, but Branded just may be the best. movie. evar. Hope it lives up to the genius potential in that trailer.

Dewey Beach? More like Douchey beach! Ah a ha ha!… ha… heh… I need new writers.

Greatest ‘Stache of the 1980s.

Douchebags with Photoshop. Like a funhouse mirror. Without the fun. Or the house.

Sometimes, in my sugar snack cake and cheap alcohol infused fever dream vision quests, a moment of clarity comes to me in the form of a Vision of The Ethereal Heavenly Peace.

Douchecake. For weddings as festering with materialist rot as is the rest of society.

But you are not here for douchecake. Today, you gets not ones but twos of a Pearin’ treat:

Woodland Creature Nightmare Pear

And if that dytopian vision of futurity isn’t enough, here’s:

Pear of Fronds

And by Fronds, I mean slobber slap flyswatting of the Godhand.

Go forth, fellow hunters. Another week is conclude’.

Captains Hats Imply an Ironic and Playful Sensibility

Captain Hats.

The Hot Chick equivalent of douche tatts.

Wait, maybe douche tatts are the hot chick equivalent of douche tatts. Wait, is that a tautology? Mash up Einstein’s dice quote in Hawking’s robotic voice, and you have a solution to that paradox.

Friday Haiku

It’s douche/bleethe gumbo!

But it’s missing something though…

Toss in a toaster!

~~~

“I love Jacuzzis!”

Thought John, unaware of Jan’s

Savage flatulence

Fetid bath water

Reeks of taco farts and shame

I hope he got laid

— Et Tu Douche?

A threesome sours

When poor anal hygiene fouls

The water and mood.

— Capt. James T. Douche

Bo Derrick on left

Not named after star. Oil rig

Is her deal. Leaves spills.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Hey! That’s no bathtub!

That’s Andre’s big-ass toilet!

Now give ‘er a flush!

— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

Dysentary is

Always more fun when shared with

Those real close to you.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

She has her leg up

Since the tub stopper was put

In her M****y Hole

— Doucheywallnuts

John forces a grin

Trying to hold anus tight

Corn bath for the Bleeths!

— Capt. James T. Douche

Anal Leakage meme

reverberates on this thread

Pass the Olestra

— SonnyChibaChoad

The smiles will soon

Fade away to psychosis

When bath salts kick in.

— Capt. James T. Douche

Time to call plumber

Sewage pipes backed up again

Draino can’t fix this

— Charles Nelson Douchely

Herpsters in the Wild

It’s like witnessing a rare Yangtze River Dolphin after breaking the crest of the morning tide in search of food.

And by rare, I mean common.

And by witnessing, I mean stupid-ass herpster shirts in presence of giggle former librarian hotts who know not for whom they cuddle, and whose douche glasses make the DB1 shed a single tear.

American Herpster

Flag crotch, irono ‘stache, and cheap beer punch Lady Liberty in the ladybits.

Herpster iPhone Self Portraits

Lest there be any doubt as to the douchebag connection within the Herpster Trend, let this iPhone self portrait slay all dissenting voices with a firm revelation of pixel evidence.

Herpster Thursday continues.

Let us witness.

And then let us never speak of this day again.

Herpster Thursday

Today will be dedicated entirely to mocking the disturbing trend of douche-wear as hybridized with the urban hipster irono-pud.

It has gone from fringe HCwDB trend to full-blown epidemic.

And by full-blown, I mean coital bathroom wrongness.

And by epidemic, I mean permanently shmear-tainting the once lovely associations I drew between Hot Chicks and librarian glasses.

So sad when fantasies die under the withering light of Brooklyn-Silverlake coastal genetic cross splicing Brundlefly mutation.

Fingers McShmucksalot Shows You His Fingers

There are ten of them.

Pink Kelly offers Power Thighs of Thunder Taut. Do not question the power of Power Thighs of Thunder Taut. They are the perfect combination of firm and soft. Strength and tenderness.

Those who have experienced Power Thighs of Thunder Taut know for which ode I sing.

Goose Runners and Bra Reveal

This is another pic of a standard issue club-scrape pudwack posing with a lady in a strange bra-revealing dress.

One pic is a specimen.

Two pics is a trend.

Like Herpster Glasses and Native American Headgear, is the neon-bra-reveal a new standard in Bleething of Hot Chick?

Caption This Pic

Determined to wow their fellow students at the Learning Annex’s extension class, “Experimental Theater and You,” Sunny and Albert’s performance of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” ended only in tears, shoe polish stains, and a scorching case of thigh rash.