Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Comment of the Week: Sierra

Sierra responds in the comments threads to the various deconstructivist mocks of her Reader Mail self-tag, Sierra Dates a Bouff:

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Hahaha y’all are awesome. The above relationship lasted 2 months. Mainy based on alcohol consumption. No my idea of country music isn’t Taylor Swift

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Read it slowly, and it is Haiku-esque tone poetry.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Clownbags convincing uberhott knee suckle brunettes to dress in day-glo colors gives the DB1 a sad.

For the herpster mutations in our post Jersey Shore moment make the parking lot frolics and fist pumping fauxhawked orangoids of yesteryear seem quaint by comparison.

At least the phase-1 douche was easily identifiable.

The tropes grow more complex.

And so does the mock.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Didn’t you take economics? You could have had me for $49.95.”

Pear Pear. We’re not there yet. Don’t jump ahead. Earn it.

Shopping Malls in 1990. A time for which no nostalgia should be experienced.

The greatest big-speech-slow-clap high school movie moment in 1980s cinema history. (clap starts at 4:39)

The second greatest slow-clap high school movie moment in 1980s cinema history.

Hottie Malin Ackerman reproduces with a douchebag. There is no hope.

Poser British teen sent home for douche-hair. Hey, guy? Punk died in 1984 when Duke was shot. “Lets get sushi! And not pay!”

Okay, you’ve been good. But before we get to the Pear, here’s a little news pear:

All hail Brazil’s Miss Bum Bum pageant! And by hail, I mean the shmeckle meshpucha.

Enough. Lets get to it:

Skyscrapear.

Tall and ubergnaw, as Howard Roark would want it.

Friday Haiku

Derek Smalls poses

Backstage with Spinal Tap fans;

Lets them “Smell The Glove”…

Pink nightmare crashes

Whores convention is a hit

Gives the keynote speech.

— Capt. James T. Douche

Foreskin through spandex

Crime against humanity

Bleeth’s don’t seem to care

— DoucheyWallnuts

Pink Monstrosity

In the middle challenges

Warm feelings for Hotts

— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

Molly Ringworm stars

In epic Hollywood film,

“NOT Pretty In Pink”

— hermit

Mustache rides are free,

he said, but hair care secrets?

That’s gonna cost ya.

— Morbo

These two hotts knew that

working on a Sex Farm would

lead them to Hell Hole.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Doctors Convention

Opens with new mascot, the

Full body prolapse.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Tri-Vag Facial Pubes

Still out there.

Now in suburbia size.

Toxic Soup

A water sample sent to the CDC on 10/02/2012 reported back the following:

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Water — 38%

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Peter Pumpin'head and Mary Meet "The Brosenstein"

Every b-movie producer knows that sooner or later, worlds must collide.

Like in 2016, when a desperate Marvel Studios attempts to milk the last penny by releasing “The Avengers Meet Mr. Popper’s Penguins.” Although I might actually pay to see that one.

Trash Culture as Pop-Art: "Shminky and the Boob"

It’s s sort of the HCwDB equivalent of a Jeff Koons sculpture.

Ubiquitous Red Cup Vs. The Douchedanna

I sense a new song by They Might Be Giants.

His Name is Huang But Call Him Joe Gets Lucky

Good for you, My-Name-is-Huang-But-Call-Me-Joe. Even the ironic Herpster glasses are not enough to tag you a stage-1 ‘bagger.

For he has scored the rare and elusive Mayan-Eye-of-Coitus dreamgirl, My-Name-is-Roxanna-But-Won’t-Talk-To-You-Anyway-So-Don’t-Worry-About-It.

Assface Rich Kid New York Prep School Danny? Douche. Obvious douche. Mockworthy douche.

Ask DB1: The "Pro" Headphones Display

FlipFriddle writes in:

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FlipFriddle here. Another thing to ponder: lately at the private university where I work I’ve been noticing many of the trust-fund scrotes wearing obnoxious, huge, white or garishly colored headphones plugged into their displayed iPhones or hidden brown Zunes.

What do you think? I’m sorry I don’t have any pics of said douches and possibly private school hotts.

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Autochoad.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

And I couldn’t find a pic to go with this letter, either. So here’s a nerdchoad showing a tattoo that was, and is, highly unnecessary.