Fraiku
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Sunday, April 3, 2005
Friday Haiku
Jed’s scalp underwear,
Caked with pheromones, attracts
Desperate cougars
The Dude said…
Use Axe Body Spray
And how you look don’t matter
You are a douchebag
Sugar Ray singer
Meets his two fans all these years
Later at the club.
Evil Jed Clampett
fingers Ellie Mae’s ‘possum
sticks it in cider.
Jed doesn’t care that
he can attract groupies from
latest Krokus tour.
The bottle-blonde twins
hold on to sixteen as long
as they can? Kougarz!
The exit sign is
The only attractive thing
in this whole picture.
It puts the bleach
In the basket, or it gets
The Hose. The Jedidiah Hose.
The purple light shines
Since the gyroscope was put
In their Monkey Holes.
Cougars celebrate
freshly installed gyroscopes
Jed is next in line.
George Hamilton’s girls
Were born tan and bottle blonde
With taste for douchebags
Here’s Patient Zero
The Asshat Epidemic
Spreading through your town
“Je n’suis pas Charlie!”
Les blondes allez mettre
Le Grand gryoscope
Friday Haiku
Both Slim Jenny and
Biff both at Ground Zero when
Diarrhea strikes
Slim Jenny’s Rehab
party is derailed by Biff’s
sudden butt plug slip.
She must eat the grain
Since the gyroscope was
In her Monkey Hole.
When the mooslims bomb
Las Vegas down to the dirt
I’ll join the Jihad
Why am I working?
When Rehab looks just like what
puts you in Rehab.
I think I see a
pea that she ate last week. No
just belly button.
Somewhere in L.A.
a restaurant is missing
its waitress / busboys
WTF on right!
Arms like twigs. Pale moonlight flesh.
Tribe of Ghost Douches.
She raised her arm shank
In bold vegan defiance
Then she fell over
Vin Diesel macks on
Rehab Guidette in background
Whilst party rages
Friday-ish Hungover Haiku
Excited DoucheBags
Eager to rip packaging
Off RealDoll™ purchase.
It puts the lotion
in basket or gets the hose
shrink-wrap Asian ho’s
Friday Haiku
Biff Precious chuckles
As he ogles at these two;
“Hell…I’ll buy them BOTH!”
I live for things like
The twinkle in Blondie’s eyes
And Beth’s tinkle hole.
Biff chuckles, head back
Sent these babes loaded drinks
Windowless van waits
It puts the cleft in
The palate, or it gets the
Hose. Kirk Douglas Hose.
Biff reels in horror
As Cindy’s boiled eggs and beans
Turn solid to gas.
Kurt Russell Douche macks
On the Boner Twins but they
Have Sapphic intent
Biff was gonna go
All Cosby on those chicks ass.
Drugged himself instead.
Insecurity
over uneven nipples.
Donkey punch is fine.
That tranny’s nipples
Gave me a huge shame Renob
Biff views tuck technique.
Drinks for all my friends!
yells barfly Biff as he falls
the tab was six bucks.
**^Runner up! D.S.**
I have now Hitler’d
A couple billion tadpoles
Thinking of clam bump
Dat Willem Dafoe
knows how to bag the hotties;
Green Goblin’ dem boobs
Tranny bashing is
All the rage. Never makes it
To the Sock’s first page.
Friday Haiku
In this week’s Fraiku –
Caption this in Haiku form;
Double Jeopardy…
Daniel knows Brian
is quite the cunning linguist…
…and that’s first hand too.
Oh, they are so cute
Mom can we take these fidgets
home with us please, please!
First paycheck from
The assistant manager
Gig at Brooks Brothers
Tailored jacket Todd
Says I knew Winston Churchill
And you are no dude?
Family portrait
Shows incest is not the best
Nor is it straight. Sons
Barry shows off his
technique for making Chaz tight
to unimpressed girls.
The Robertson twins
cavort with Jose Cuervo
They both swallow worm.
Semitic Hotties
Pining for non-Kosher meat
Non-Kosher, I says
Chad tries to send Chaz
subtle message about what
he wants in restroom.
Could be wrong here guys
Chick on right, Armenian?
Shaved arm/mustache hair?
Sunday, March 27, 2005
The stunt double for
George Michaels sighs; “Any old
Pork in a Storm…ewwww“
George Michael stand-in
says softer than the hard men
I’m used to. UPSET!
That 70’s show
reboot looks way better than
the original.
“Spent my whole paycheck,
all I have to show for it,
is this lap dance, Son.”
It puts the beard in
The basket or it get the hose.
The Bathroom Stall Hose.
“Ride me you beast” shouts
Jenny. Fake George looks for his
car keys for Yugo.
George Michael is gay
Since the gyroscope was put
In his monkeyhole.
Do U even lift?
How’d you find a brown Sharpie
To draw brows and beard
Oh, don’t cry for me
Asian Tina, truth is I
Don’t even lift, bro
“This girl is really
skanky. Bro, don’t you dare take
my pho…. Gawdamnit!”
Two-for-one huge ass
sunglasses hide the vapid
stares of the soul-less
She has a Googutz
That launched a 1000 renoBs
And he’s killed them all
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Fraiku: Swole Edition
SwoleBro scores Blonde Hott.
Ego is also swollen;
He bangs her sister.
Penis and nipple
have much in common. Both are
limp and pancake shaped.
It puts the skank in
The basket, or it gets the
Hose. The Valtrex Hose.
Mad Men head on Swole
Bro body leaves me confused.
But nipple leaves me…
.
with the urge to barf!
How can he be so swole and
possess flapjack nip?
Can dead lift V-Dub
Though frequently forgets mom’s
Address where he lives
He finished second
In gynecomastia
Contest. She won first
Like Grandma used to say:
All swole’ arms and peanut head,
Makes Jack a dull boy
Does this mean that porch
beef has twice the calories
as regular beef?
Brole™ flashes piece sign
Blonde Hott is thinking “Shocker?
Out here by the pool?”
Even Bob Barker
would donate money to get
these two neutered, sons.
Cement head admits
“Two lumps on left testicle
Who cares though, I’m swole”
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Pre-Emptive Fraiku
Awright, ye miscreants…I’ma be traveling to Sacramento this week so I am posting this gem early, and will pick them what win teh interwebs around Sunday night or so, depending on airport free wi-fi and/or how many baby Jack Daniels I consume en route back home…so have at:
Begone, Sanskrit Douche!
Holly Hunter Hardbody
And Mons Bridge beckons…
Party in Vegas,
Family crest, man-faced
hottie, life is good.
She eats Red Lobster
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
Building a Mons Bridge
Without a future is quite
Common in Vegas
Tatt says “Objects look
bigger when drunk” that’s why Chaz
is always hammered.
How badass is he?
He only cried a little
while getting tattooed
If his fingers squeeze her
any harder, will perform
appendectomy!
Yummie Mons and boobs;
too bad she doesn’t notice
the ‘bag stuck to her
Script on upper pec
States, “If found unconscious, please
“Use some vaseline”
Her glittery cans
can’t distract from… did you say
something? Because, ABS.
Crest of the famed Von
Scrote clan. Dishwashers to the
Royal Family
Ice Man and Maverick
bury the hatchet after
surgery success.
How badass is he?
Mom matched swimsuit to DoucheWatch,
Paid for this hooker
She kind of looks like
An Alpha-female with the
Rabid Badger face.
***Rabbi’s Badger? -D.S.***
Rabid Badger Face
Was punk band I managed in
1982
Rabid Badger face
always results from surprise
anal, without lube.
His family crest
is a head in a golf bag
on a sunken chest
His hard, icy glare
Belies the fact that inside
he just shit his pants
Friday Haiku – March 21, 2005
Behold, my Brethren:
Before us: Short Stanley and
The Hills of L.A.
****Doc B wins the internet in an outstanding mock-fest this week, w/ honorable mutterings by Wheezer, Charles D and Jacques BadLinks****
What a Hillsome babe!
Is she really nine feet tall?
Our survey says, Schwing!!
Oh! those shorts conceal
the pleasure of mons reveal.
Pacific skin, sun.
NeckBeard, the pirate
goes ashore to score booty,
and her treasured chest.
Midget LA clown
escapes PBR bulls and
finds better udders!
The Leaning Tower
Of Bleeth is too much for Short
Stanley, needs stunt cockk
Wonders why dentist
Knocks her out for just cleaning
Wakes up with sore vag
Little Al wants to
take ride on her Matterhorns.
Too bad size does count.
Haven’t heard from Rev
Since the Ottawa shooter
Was apprehended.
.
Too soon?
He uses ladder
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
No recall for her.
A pull of the belly chain
lets airbags inflate.
Beverly’s Hills are
9-0-2-1-0-so-nice;
gotta motorboat
His hand looks like dwarf’s
on her waist. Her’s on his dick
like Shaq palms marble.
When the ancient Japanese poets created the Haiku, I don’t think “her c*nt smelled like pee” was what they had in mind.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Belated post-bender Fraiku Sunday Penance
In this photograph
Five things are shaved bald and slick;
One is visible…
Reflexively, I
reached for my ugly stick. I,
see I’m not the first.
This chubby trio
Would fill my house with laughter
’til they cleaned out ‘fridge
Put the drinks down, girls.
They’re loaded with calories
and some GHB.
Those drinks cost more than
All of the boob jobs combined
Should have got nose jobs
Xanax-spiked drinks must
be kicking in by looks on
their faces. Douche just waits.
Pacific Rim Job
The new Girl Group from Taiwan
But they might be guys
Howey Mandel’s kid
brother bang’s Charlie’s Angels
with…nope, I’m still drunk.
Black chick in the back
Bringing shit-breath bald asshole
A bottle of Scope
