Friday Haiku
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Friday, September 16, 2011
Friday Haiku
In Riff’s Douche-Heaven
No seventy-two virgins;
There’s just free Valtrex™.
Hoo Boy! That’s a Scrote
Shipwreck! His signifiers
have signifiers!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
It just dawned on Kim
‘Ghetto Urkel’ ain’t kidding
Wants her to smoke crack
— saulgoode42
One can only hope
the pants prevent escape from
the oncoming bus
— ehcuodouche
Humpty, Flava, Ice
All have potential claims for
Identity theft
— Douche Wayne
A bullet would give
“Deep in the heart of Texas”
A whole new meaning.
— Ol’ Dirty Douche
A shining poo stain
Of moral decrepitude.
God hocks a loogie.
— Troy Tempest
Pippi Wrongstocking
Needs to pull up his pants or
Get a fish slap.
— The Dude
Friday, September 9, 2011Friday Haiku
Bouncer accosts guest:
“Your abs aren’t visible, Sir;
Shirt, Shoes…No Service!“
Center Douche works at
Meinke Muffler all day long
Sore arms won’t go down.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Ice Station Douchebra,
Where souls suffer in torment,
And sip warm Red Bulls.
— Jay L.
Frank’s double fist pump
Went unnoticed by Tina
And, well, everyone.
— saulgoode42
The Mass o’ douchettes
in this primary don’t seem
to like him o’ roids.**
— The Dude
**nominee for groan-inducing pun of the year – D.S.
Civilization
It ebbs and flows for all. This
is what ebb looks like.
— Wedgie
By the power of
Gray Skull. I am He-Man. Show
Me to Dude-Action.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Dance to the blue light
Like greasy moths to the flame
Guido bugzapper
— Hong Kong Douchey
Friday, September 2, 2011Friday Haiku
Tina Topps kicks off
The Burning Mamm Festival
With Sammy SmallHands.
Nice try, mini-me
Your small hands cannot hide her
vast…..disappointment.
— Wedgie
“What’s ‘taters, Precious?”
asks Gollum as he fondles
over-ripe melons.
— Douche Wayne
Free mammogram sign
Misleads southern hott once more;
Brother doesn’t care.
— Ed Hardouche
Short, slutty, and
Carrying giant tits is
A great startin point.
— Reverend Chad Kroeger
Basketball tryouts
At Pismo Beach this weekend;
Sammy Is ready.
— Medusa Oblongata
With one push of her
nipple, Sam got free drinks all
day for the whole crowd.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
With every boob press
There came a wet plop on floor;
Pile o’ fetuses.
— Elastic Snap-Hole of the Love Bear
Friday, August 26, 2011Friday Haiku
To “Search and Destroy”:
That is his endless mission
Against pubic crabs.
Frank’s like a housecat:
So proud of what he dragged in
Yet to us it’s gross
— saulgoode42
Elvis and Bono
Which one’s style to emulate?
Fuck it I’ll do both.
— Douche Wayne
Task: Search and destroy,
Bolts pointing down at his junk,
No douchey offspring
— Condouchious
cindy and kelly
ruined noses too much blow
don’t notice poo stench
— Douche Springsteen
Friday, August 19, 2011Friday Haiku
“I use Magnums, girls…”
Later they found that he meant
Butt plugs, not condoms.
or:
Jack proudly displays
His daily ampule full of
Horse and mule steroids.
*UPDATE* – See? DarkSock’s failure and procrastination pay off, as usual. Behold the bounty of 5-7-5 Snark:
Magnum goes full Kahn.
Sommelier to the sluts.
I’ll take seven Bra.
— Reverend Chad Kroeger
Not to be outdone,
Dewey’s steroid enhancements,
Compete with Fay’s cans.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Vic has a tough choice:
Giant bottle or huge cans
Right chick needs a shave
— saulgoode42
That is how much booze
It would take me to have sex
With him. All of it.
— I give up
Magnum of Cristal
Compensates for one small peen
Dom Perignon weeps
— Choad The Douche Sprocket
Napolean Bone
Overcompensates for peen
“Gimme the big one!”
— Douche Wayne
Here’s the wine cellar
Deep in Mr. White’s basement –
Drink up, you douchebag.
— Medusa Oblongata
Bottle service
means Something very different
To gay porn star here
— Jacques Doucheteau
The midget vintner
Shows babes ” The Roid Rage” pinot
Crushed grapes between legs
— Cool Hand Douche
Big Heaving Bosoms
Narcissism on Display
There Are Girls Here, Too
— DoucheyWallnuts
Jack Lalanne becomes
reincarnated as douche.
Fuccen juicer works?
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Katie smiles and says,
It will take a more booze than that
Til you flick my bean
— Dude McCrudeshoes
Nipple nipple nip
Nipple nipple nip Nipple…….
nip nipple nipple
— McWhatadouche
One out of the three,
Can deep throat the whole bottle,
Hint: It’s not the blondes
— Condouchious
My dream tale would read:
“Bottle cracked over ‘bag’s head;
‘blondes’ strip, bathe, wrestle.”
— Wheezer
Friday, August 12, 2011Friday Haiku
Blaze in the kitchen;
Let’s smother this Blaze
With an iron skillet.
Meanwhile, Skeletor
Leers at us all from his perch
On Castle GayCockk.
Jiffy Pop on Stove,
Jersey Poop in the kitchen
I would burn them both.
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Johnny Blaze Spring Break
Who cares about the weather.
Hurricane-proof hair.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
White apartment walls
It could be anywhere but
Douchebag means its Jerz.
— ehcuodouche
New movie this week
Conan the Bad-hairian
Starring this douchebag.
— Doucheywallnuts
Blaze shows how he pees
Through cod piece skeleton’s grin
Burning sensation.
— Dude McCrudeshoes
Kitchen group pic-hug
Macks on Cousins for practice
Growing up Gotti.
— SonnyChibaChoad
Friday, August 5, 2011Friday Haiku
On this ship of Tools,
Captain offers rides on his
Good Ship Lollicockk.
Dance Party Madness
On the SS Sodomy
Rockin’ the Poop Deck
— Medusa Oblongata
Nylon waxed sea rope
Tightly tied nautical knots
Jammed in some rudders
— Vin Douchal
Well Thar she blows, mate!
Its ‘Pirates of PenisDance’
A gay play, indeed.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Captain Barbossa
Drinks his rum, weeps, and laments
“Here there be poo-rates”
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Friday, July 29, 2011Friday Haiku
Spikey Greaser smirks,
Carmen Miranda fish lips,
Logan Doesn’t Run.
beady-eyed ballbag,
sucks scary spice to sternum,
wears casual slacks.
— Colossus of Choads
Mommy, where does Poo
Come from? You came from my box
You silver haired freak.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Cirque Du Soleil said
“He’s too douchy, even for us”
Grabs Bleeth for comfort
— The Fourth Horseman of the Douchepocalypse
Comic-Con reject.
Captain Dingle-Berry fly
Back to Ur-Anus.
— Ol’ Dirty Douche
Five Ten with the spikes
Four Ten on a rainy day
Sly Stallone Short-Bag
— Douche Wayne
Eraserhead gropes
Asian hott knows: Big trouble
in little China
— Medusa Oblongata
Friday, July 22, 2011Friday Haiku
His pink dong-sling-bling:
So horrific, his asshole
Flees to beige hut’s wall
Doug’s feeling clever;
Stashed keys, phones & her tampons
Inside his foreskin!
Tube socks in g-string
don’t make up for your bird chest
and leathery skin
— idfma
Takes a lot of crew
Behind the scenes to film a
Bang Bus episode
— Vin Douchal
She likes it in thick.
He thinks she’s too loose. Fleshlight
In pants solves problem.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Friday, July 15, 2011Friday Haiku
Flip-top beer goggles,
Come from behind victory.
His prize? Red groin rash.
Spot celebrity
Pillsbury Doughboy Junior
And Gene Simmons’ girl
– Vin Douchal
Charlie Sheen looks on
at these ghastly lumps of dough
they are NOT “winning”.
-Medusa Oblongata
Fliptop sunglasses
can’t prevent retinal burn
from whale’s bleached asshole.
– Mandouchian Candidate
Bleeth makes beeping sound
Backs into four-eyed zebra
Pit odor erupts.
– Claude Douchenbagger
He’s soft in the gut
She’s clearly soft in the head
A match made in Queens
– Mr. Scrotato Head
